Messing with my heart and head

LegacyUser

Sorry if this rambles on but its driving me nuts. Met this guy almost a year ago got on really well had a great spark things went well we starting seeing each other but then one day he just started acting differently starting talking about other girls in an inappropriate way just to upset me and just really cooled we talked about he said everything was fine, I spent about two weeks walking on egg shells seeing what kind of mood he was in constantly worrying would he be hot or cold it drove me insane and the final straw was when he ignored me for a week no explanation nothing. I was so upset it was like he didn't even care! About a week after that i got a message at 3 on the morning saying i love you i almost got sick. i was so angry that he could say that to and he was obviously drunk i didn't reply. Another week past and i got a big long message apologizing for everything said he acted like a d**k and that he was so sorry he had hurt me. that he wanted another chance to make it right i was so mad but i agreed to hear him out all my family and friends told me not to that the same thing would happen again and if I' m honest i knew deep down that it would. After a while i agreed to meet up with him, he made a huge effort being really nice and loving and i began to trust him again, before we got back together he was constantly telling me how much he loved me and missed me and that i was his no 1 priority now. Well its been about 3 weeks since we "sorted things out" and he is starting to go back to the way he was before so cold and nothing like he was before. Last night i asked him did he love me and he just said maybe i feel so heartbroken i don't know why I'm doing this to myself if this was my friend telling me this i would tell her to run for the hills but its like i can't stop myself. Any one with advice or who had similar experience would be grateful to hear from you.

ahnow

Block every form of communication with him, run for the hills, listen to your gut, your friends, and your family. This man will not make you happy and from his actions he shows a classic abusive personality. He will only get worse as time goes on, so save yourself the heartache, run and don't look back. He is not going to change. Work on your own self esteem and you will find someone worthy of you.

P. Breathnach

You know what you need to do: erase him from your life.

At best, he's a messer, unable or unwilling to commit. But it is possible that there is a more sinister reason for his behaviour. He could be attempting to be in controlling mode in a relationship. Any person who plays mindgames in order to assert control over another person is seriously dangerous.

There are plenty of good guys out there. Don't cut yourself off from good prospects for the sake of a bad one.

[ahnow's post arrived as I was thinking and composing mine. Note that we see the same danger.]

Beruthiel

People don't change unless they truly, deeply want to.
He doesn't.
He'll make an effort and then slip back to his normal ways.
He's already done it. He'll continue to do so.

You already know what needs to be done.
You deserve better.
Cut him off completely and move on.
In six months time you'll be so very happy you did.

zl1whqvjs75cdy

You know what you really need? Paragraphs and full stops.

Taltos

Hi donkeyoaty0099 - welcome to PI/RI.
Please take some time now to read our charter, as we are a strictly moderated charter we don't look kindly on any rule breaches here. If you have an issue with a post or poster use the report button, please don't drag threads off topic by posting as above or attempt to back-seat mod again in any way shape or form.

Thanks
Taltos

Mmm Bop

OP you are not a fool, this guy is!

As the other posts have said, get out and stay out! I know it's far from easy (speaking as someone that is 18 months into a similar mess) but you do deserve so much better than constantly having your heart broken or watching over your shoulder waiting for it to happen again.

There is nothing foolish wanting the person you love to keep their word, but maybe some people just can't.

Wishing you all the best.

maria34

Hot and cold! Been there, done that. Emotionally abusive person, very manipulative. After a while you loose your self esteem and think thats how your life should be (NOT!!!)

Get out. Wish i would have done it sooner ....

LegacyUser

Well i did it. I laid everything out told him how he was making me feel, everything. He didnt really care and didnt even try to sort it out. So im I just told i couldnt do it anymore giving so much and getting zero back and cut communication. Im heartbroken and so upset right now but i realise now that ive saved myself from more months and years of pain. Thanks to all for their help and advice really did help.