sex toys on a blind date?

harry Bailey esq

so i have this mate who has a bit of a quirk regarding sex toys,he has every kind of device known to man,he recently went to Hamburg for a two night stay and on his return he had to check in his luggage he bought so much crap.anyways this gentleman prides himself on turning normally staid,uptight women into dildo loving nymphomaniacs and he's quite successful in that regard.now he's going on a blind date on Sunday afternoon with a girl i know and he wants to bring his 'toolbox' now this girl is far from uptight,in fact if he does get her into the sack its likely she would probably teach him a few tricks with his prized collection.this girl has a very short fuse though,and i don't think for a minute she is going to like him bringing up the subject of vibrators and what not,on their first date over brunch,she'll most likely glass him in the face,but the mate knows nothing about the temper,and is pretty confident that he'll pull it off.should i warn him and spoil my fun?or should i wait for the post mortem on Monday?

OU812

*mate*

redarmy

so i have this mate :rolleyes:

What were you doing in Germany?

OneArt

Strap-on.

That is all.

Banjo String

Blind mate?

I bought my mate Stevie Wonder a cheese grater at Christmas.

He said it was the most violent book he ever read.

harry Bailey esq

OU812 wrote: »

*mate*

RustyNut

OP just let us all know how it went for you your mate on Monday. With pics if poss. :pac:

Mr Benevolent

OP, your 'mate' is having you on.

BunShopVoyeur.

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

so i have this mate who has a bit of a quirk regarding sex toys,he has every kind of device known to man,he recently went to Hamburg for a two night stay and on his return he had to check in his luggage he bought so much crap.anyways this gentleman prides himself on turning normally staid,uptight women into dildo loving nymphomaniacs and he's quite successful in that regard.now he's going on a blind date on Sunday afternoon with a girl i know and he wants to bring his 'toolbox' now this girl is far from uptight,in fact if he does get her into the sack its likely she would probably teach him a few tricks with his prized collection.this girl has a very short fuse though,and i don't think for a minute she is going to like him bringing up the subject of vibrators and what not,on their first date over brunch,she'll most likely glass him in the face,but the mate knows nothing about the temper,and is pretty confident that he'll pull it off.should i warn him and spoil my fun?or should i wait for the post mortem on Monday?

"Mate" my hole. You dirty bastard.

Pat Mustard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfmMylMp74A

The Backwards Man

You'll have a lorra lorra laughs on that blind date.
Come back and tell us next week how you got on.

harry Bailey esq

Mr Benevolent wrote: »

OP, your 'mate' is having you on.

nope,he does it all the time.its common knowledge round here,he's quite the young buck.terrible wingman though...

Gyalist

It's a pity that he didn't buy a new space bar and a generous amount of full stops in Hamburg.

ButtersSuki

Tell him to wear a strapon outside his trousers to brunch. If she says anything remotely negative about it, just pull the old "women, ye say ye want honesty, then when 's it put out there in front of your face (literally in this case) ye say ye don't want it".

If she doesn't mention it, it's PARTY TIME!

Works every time.*


*may not actually work.

RustyNut

Have a buzzzzzzzzz this afternoon OP('s friend)

Ace Attorney

Im just waiting for a mate, hes gone in there, what collision?, well im just waiting for a mate.....

I'd tell him where to stick his toys.

Except that would have been his plan all along

wp_rathead

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

nope,he does it all the time.its common knowledge round here,he's quite the young buck.terrible wingman though...

Chicks don't dig split-personalites -
Just keep being your friend

:pac:

EDIT: can't believe I said "chicks"

Renegade Mechanic

Ha ha ha ha ha!
But seriously though, OP, if this is for real?
Post mortem:D

Duckjob

Is your mate like Jay from the Inbetweeners by any chance ?

ElleEm

I call BS!
There is no way any girl would entertain some fella with a bag of pre-used sex toys!

Micky Dolenz

Are women happy to use toys that have been used before, by many others?

Suspect story.

T L

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Are women happy to use toys that have been used before, by many others?

Suspect story.

I'm sorry, have you not read 50 shades of grey? All women are mild-BDSM loving nymphos, from what I understand.

harry Bailey esq

a great time was had by all, my 'mate' is a happy camper today.

Zulu

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

a great time was had by all, my 'mate' is a happy camper today.

So that fleshlight worked out for you last night then?

ButtersSuki

Details or GTFO.....


....though not if your "mate" went home on his own and had a w@nk.

Czarcasm

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

a great time was had by all, my 'mate' is a happy camper today.

Sounds about right.

harry Bailey esq

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

so i have this mate who has a bit of a quirk regarding sex toys,he has every kind of device known to man,he recently went to Hamburg for a two night stay and on his return he had to check in his luggage he bought so much crap.anyways this gentleman prides himself on turning normally staid,uptight women into dildo loving nymphomaniacs and he's quite successful in that regard.now he's going on a blind date on Sunday afternoon with a girl i know and he wants to bring his 'toolbox' now this girl is far from uptight,in fact if he does get her into the sack its likely she would probably teach him a few tricks with his prized collection.this girl has a very short fuse though,and i don't think for a minute she is going to like him bringing up the subject of vibrators and what not,on their first date over brunch,she'll most likely glass him in the face,but the mate knows nothing about the temper,and is pretty confident that he'll pull it off.should i warn him and spoil my fun?or should i wait for the post mortem on Monday?

You Your mate sounds like a gas lad altogether

DoesNotCompute

Thread seems legit

Seedy Arling

I have a mental image in my head of some fruit and nut bar, heading to a first date with a tool box and producing something like this!

danger mouse

Zulu wrote: »

So that fleshlight worked out for you last night then?

Haha I just googled that. If I didn't have a girlfriend that would be on my shopping list ;-)

wandatowell

Why the **** he using sex toys in the first place? Cant he get his women off any other way nah?

GalwayGuy2

Why the **** he using sex toys in the first place? Cant he get his women off any other way nah?

The male body has it's limits :P Wouldn't you want to give a woman the most pleasurable time possible. Eg: After you finish, use tongue and a dildo.

Or just go to sleep

wandatowell

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

The male body has it's limits :P Wouldn't you want to give a woman the most pleasurable time possible. Eg: After you finish, use tongue and a dildo.

Or just go to sleep

Or sneaky away into the night :pac:

harry Bailey esq

wandatowell wrote: »

Why the **** he using sex toys in the first place? Cant he get his women off any other way nah?

somebody's led a sheltered life.

bear1

I personally think toys in the bedroom can be quite sexy - no harm in it at all.. However, bringing them with me on a date? I'd honestly think I've watched too much porn

Wacker The Attacker

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

so i have this mate who has a bit of a quirk regarding sex toys,he has every kind of device known to man,he recently went to Hamburg for a two night stay and on his return he had to check in his luggage he bought so much crap.anyways this gentleman prides himself on turning normally staid,uptight women into dildo loving nymphomaniacs and he's quite successful in that regard.now he's going on a blind date on Sunday afternoon with a girl i know and he wants to bring his 'toolbox' now this girl is far from uptight,in fact if he does get her into the sack its likely she would probably teach him a few tricks with his prized collection.this girl has a very short fuse though,and i don't think for a minute she is going to like him bringing up the subject of vibrators and what not,on their first date over brunch,she'll most likely glass him in the face,but the mate knows nothing about the temper,and is pretty confident that he'll pull it off.should i warn him and spoil my fun?or should i wait for the post mortem on Monday?

bunny boiler meets fanny boiler

Wacker The Attacker

bear1 wrote: »

I personally think toys in the bedroom can be quite sexy - no harm in it at all.. However, bringing them with me on a date? I'd honestly think I've watched too much porn

you can never watch too much porn

bear1

you can never watch too much porn

Much more fun when you watch it with a partner

Duck's hoop

Tale is tall. Not a scintilla of veracity. Complete BS.

Wacker The Attacker

bear1 wrote: »

Much more fun when you watch it with a partner

I agree wholeheartedly

bear1

Especially when you decide to act out the scenes never works though if there's another woman involved in the scene