Unreasonable ?

LegacyUser

I've been seeing this guy for the past couple of months and everythings been going splendid more or less. It's just a purely casual thing nothing serious and we've both agreed we don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other at this time or in the near future. Anyway we were supposed to meet up recently when I got an unexpected visit from the monthly flower to put it nicely. Being polite I let him know and suggested we went to the cinema or something instead . To which he said he was now busy even though we were supposed to meet at the sametime before this happened anyway. I'm pretty upset and feel a bit rejected/ disrespected (possibly not the best word to use) about the situation. He'd cancelled twice previously in the last week or so(both for valid reasons) , so I just thought in those circumstances the normal decent polite thing to do would be to go along anyway even if sex wasn't on the cards just for the one time.

I want to raise this issue with him but just want to get a gauge on peoples opinions on the situation before I do to make sure I'm not being unreasonable / crazy and regret it in a few days time ?

ahnow

You're not being unreasonable, I wouldn't contact him again, he's made it clear exactly what-and all he's looking for from his behaviour.

daisybelle2008

I'd take your reaction as a sign you are over invested if you are getting upset and feeling 'disrespected' because he wouldn't go to the cinema with you. You are clearly not on the same page. I don't know why you would want to have an emotionally charged convo with him about it either. Be very honest with yourself if you are cut out for the FWB thing with him. Mentioning the cinema is not in itself a bad thing, as long as you are not attached to him going. You are upset that he didn't, that's an alarm bell to yourself that you are over involved.
In any event you could have just suggesting throwing down a towel if you felt like sex. No need to be contriving back up plans. I kind of think you may have done that to test his interest not his 'politeness' ...

Stavro Mueller

Corinthiansaccord wrote: »

I've been seeing this guy for the past couple of months and everything's been going splendid more or less. It's just a purely casual thing nothing serious and we've both agreed we don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other at this time or in the near future

Looks like a casual, friends with benefits type arrangement to me. Perhaps more casual on the guy's side? Anyway his reaction now leaves you in no doubt as to how he sees this arrangement. It's your decision to make after this.

Merkin

I think you sound more invested in this than you may realise.If this was a purely sex-based arrangement you wouldn't be asking him to the cinema and if you didn't care about him you wouldn't be starting a thread on him. Maybe he senses you are more keen than you were at the start and that's why he's now pulling back a bit?

judgefudge

On the one hand I agree with the others, maybe you should take a long hard think about how much you are invested in this FWB situation.

On the other hand I think the "Friend" part of "friends with benefits" is still important. He has made it perfectly clear that unless you're gonna have sex with him he's not even interested in hanging out. I wouldn't want to have a relationship (no matter how casual) with someone who thought so little of me.

clairefontaine

I think this has made it clear. Its all benefits and no friends.