Desperatly broody

LegacyUser

Ok so here it goes!

For the past 6 months or so I've been absolutely mad for a baby. I'm 23 and have been with my current boyfriend for just over a year. I already have a 3 year old child from a previous relationship. We have zero contact with my ex for reasons I don't want to discuss here.

My boyfriend is great with my little one and when we are all together it feels like we are a proper little family. My boyfriend and don't live together and as he is only 23, he is still young, in college and generally enjoying his youth. This is obviously exactly what he should be doing and I know he has no intentions of settling down or having kids any time soon.

Of course I'm already used to parenting and although it can be challenging, I wouldn't change my daughter for the world.
Unfortunately I had to give up work when she came along due to my circumstances so I am unemployed and struggling financially at the moment.
I have applied to go back to college in September and fingers crossed, I'll be accepted and start studying for a new career. I am really hoping to better myself by doing this and get back into the workforce.

Despite all of this, I just cannot shake my longing for another baby. I would love a sibling and a proper family for my daughter.
Even if all goes well and everything works out with my boyfriend career etc, it looks like at least another 7/8 years before I will be in a position to get pregnant again.
The thought of such a long wait is just torture for me.

I'm not taking any chances with contraception the moment, I am on the pill and we are also using condoms.

Has anyone else been through something like this? I really don't know how to deal with it.

CaraMay

You just have to deal with it and give up on that dream if you want to stay with him.

Maybe he is not the man for you as you don't want the same thing at the same time.

Lyra Fangs

CaraMay wrote: »

You just have to deal with it and give up on that dream if you want to stay with him.

Maybe he is not the man for you as you don't want the same thing at the same time.

I wouldn't be so quick to make this conclusion. He's only 23, I doubt there are many men that age that want to start a family.

To do the OP, you're just going to have to deal with these feelings unfortunately you're are not in a good financial situation to be able to support another child. Going back to college is a great idea it'll give you something to focus on and improve the chances of getting a job when your child is a little older.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies.

I know my boyfriend does want children and that he also sees us settling down together eventually.
The time is definitely not right for me either. I want to have finished college and have a career in place so that I can be financially stable before I have more children. Just knowing that it won't be possible anytime soon is a killer.

The urge for another baby is so overwhelming. I have heard of woman feeling like this and always felt that it must be exaggerated. I was wrong!
I never thought I'd feel so strongly about this so young.

CaraMay

Lyra Fangs wrote: »

I wouldn't be so quick to make this conclusion. He's only 23, I doubt there are many men that age that want to start a family.
.

I agree but she does want to have another kid and right now.

Lyra Fangs

CaraMay wrote: »

I agree but she does want to have another kid and right now.

She does but as she said she's struggling financially at the moment so based on that alone it would be unfair to have another child, for the time being anyway. Hopefully when she's finished college and possibly gotten a job she'll be in a much better position to have a child.

CaraMay

Lyra Fangs wrote: »

She does but as she said she's struggling financially at the moment so based on that alone it would be unfair to have another child, for the time being anyway. Hopefully when she's finished college and possibly gotten a job she'll be in a much better position to have a child.

I agree but if he doesn't fall in with her plan then maybe someone else will.

ShaShaBear

Falling pregnant now will only worsen your financial situation OP. It will be much harder to manage paying for yourself and two children, and you will find it much more difficult to find and sustain employment when you need to source childcare for two children. Plus, if you were to fall pregnant now, you would likely have to put your education on hold for yet another year, as your due date (assuming you got pregnant now) would leave you in a vunerable state for both your Christmas and Summer exams in first year.

I do understand the urge though. Although I have no children, I'm going through the same. However, I am about to start my final year of college, and I just keep telling myself if I can at least get the degree, then I can rethink my children stance. It's very hard, and I imagine its even harder when you know exactly what it is you crave. But for the sake of your current child and to save the strain on your relationship, take a deep breath and relax

LegacyUser

Your only 23 and already have a child. My advice is to think about your own long term future.
You need to think where do you want to be 5 years from now - still getting the dole or earning good money. Think of where you want to be 10 years from now - still renting a cheap flat or having brought or be in a position to buy your own home.
Also if your boyfriend is only 23 and in college he is not in a position to help you out money wise if you have another child.

At this stage you need to concentrate on getting qualifications that will help you get a good long term job for both yourself and your daughter.
Any woman I know who got qualifications along with work experience in there 20's are now in a far better position in there mid 30's to mid 40's then other woman who had children at a young age and decided then to concentrate on there children.
A good salary can make life a lot easier as you get older and also means that you can afford to give you child the chance to do extras like music, dance, extra grinds ect.
As your daughter get older your showing her that mammy works hard to earn money gives her a good work ethic to do her best.