Not over break up

LegacyUser

I broke up with my ex about two months ago at this stage. Was kind of out of the blue, and I only got the cliche excuses rather than anything concrete. Took it really bad at first.
Moved out of my house near hers, have gotten a job in the UK and start next week.
Im keeping myself as busy as possible while at home, meeting up with friends and whatever but no matter what Im doing she is always in my head. 24/7 im constantly thinking about her. If im at the cinema, the beach, visiting someone, on a night out, wherever, I cant help but be thinking about her. What can I do to get her out of my head?
Everyone is just telling me to keep busy, focus on other things, which is what im doing, but its not working for me. Feel like I really need to talk to other people about it too, but the only people I feel I could open up to would be mutual friends of both of us, and I dont want to be putting people in the middle of an awkward situation. I also dont know how much would make its way back to her.

ladysarah

Two months is still very early days. It is hard to get somebody you are crazy about out of your head. Time is a great healer but do talk it through with a good confident. You are doing all the right things. Do not be hard on yourself as you just do not get over somebody over night. Be good to yourself.

kittycati

Two months is still soon. Understand what you are going through thou and with changes in your life at mo of course she will be first on your mind . Can only take each day at a time. Would you speak to a counsellor or something. Or even samaritans i believe have an email service. Maybe in writing down your feelings might help you come to terms with them and they reply within so many hours. Least these would be strangers and confidential.

LegacyUser

kittycati wrote: »

Two months is still soon. Understand what you are going through thou and with changes in your life at mo of course she will be first on your mind . Can only take each day at a time. Would you speak to a counsellor or something. Or even samaritans i believe have an email service. Maybe in writing down your feelings might help you come to terms with them and they reply within so many hours. Least these would be strangers and confidential.

Im not sure Im quite in need of the samaritans, need someone more who knows the situation. Friends iv tried talking to are the aforementioned who are in both camps and staying quite neutral or the "rest". Their solution is the typical, go on the lash, sleep around approach. Not something I want to do.
I think its the thought of her being with someone else and not me which is killing me. The thought of it leaves knots in my stomach!!

kittycati

123wert wrote: »

Im not sure Im quite in need of the samaritans, need someone more who knows the situation. Friends iv tried talking to are the aforementioned who are in both camps and staying quite neutral or the "rest". Their solution is the typical, go on the lash, sleep around approach. Not something I want to do.
I think its the thought of her being with someone else and not me which is killing me. The thought of it leaves knots in my stomach!!

just meant someone neutral just to give you different perspective . Least you have fresh start coming up. What's meant to be is meant to be. You would never know year from now ye could bump into each other and be back together or year from now you may be really happy with someone else. Really hard when relationships don't work out.
The hardest part is accepting that and thinking of her moving on to someone new going to make that harder for yourself. Most important thing for you is to look after yourself now try eat well and exercise. Is there anyone in your family even that you could talk to if you want to talk to someone who knows circumstance ?

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I broke up with my gf about 6 weeks ago and finding it difficult to get over it. It kind of feels like I take one step forward, one step back.

I do find keeping busy helps a lot. I'm also moving away for work in a couple of months, which is a good focus. The advice of eating well, getting exercise etc is a lot better than the going on the lash, sleeping with someone. Did that and felt awful about it. Also, when the booze blues set in, it just makes you feel worse about things.

I think time is the only healer, which is crap for me because I'm too impatient. I've also pretty much cut contact (easy enough as she lives in a different country). I feel making contact before I'm over her, will be a backward step, even though I get tempted to all the time.

ash23

I feel your pain OP. Four months in and a lot better but still licking my wounds. Not helped by the fact that my ex is a very kind person and wants to, and tries to, be "friends".

I've no real advice I'm afraid. Just a matter of suffering through it. Try not to dwell too much (much easier said than done) and just let time and distance do it's thing.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for advice! Really helped me coming on and seeing so many different responses, especially cause iv feeling down today. Had to drive around her area for first time in a while and seeing so many landmarks, like where we had our first date, drove up by her house etc was tough.

kittycati wrote: »

Most important thing for you is to look after yourself now try eat well and exercise. Is there anyone in your family even that you could talk to if you want to talk to someone who knows circumstance ?

There is but at the same time Im trying not to worry about them. My mam helped me move out the house a few weeks ago and she started crying when she seen how upset I was so Im trying not to worry them too much.

The move to uk too is a good thing, was over there for two weeks last month and it really got my mind off things. At the same time though, the stress of the move is adding to feeling down at the minute too.

The booze blues is a killer. Avoiding the drink for a while.

Ash23 how do you find the staying friends thing? She did say the whole friends thing when we split and we could well be friends. We didnt argue and got on great right up until the end so could imagine us being friends, but then I dont want to be annoying myself if shes seeing lads or i still have any feelings there. Would you prefer if links had of been cut altogether?

I have avoided all contact but it is tempting now and again to just check out their facebook, see what they've been up to.

kittycati

123wert wrote: »

Thanks everyone for advice! Really helped me coming on and seeing so many different responses, especially cause iv feeling down today. Had to drive around her area for first time in a while and seeing so many landmarks, like where we had our first date, drove up by her house etc was tough.

There is but at the same time Im trying not to worry about them. My mam helped me move out the house a few weeks ago and she started crying when she seen how upset I was so Im trying not to worry them too much.

The move to uk too is a good thing, was over there for two weeks last month and it really got my mind off things. At the same time though, the stress of the move is adding to feeling down at the minute too.

The booze blues is a killer. Avoiding the drink for a while.

Ash23 how do you find the staying friends thing? She did say the whole friends thing when we split and we could well be friends. We didnt argue and got on great right up until the end so could imagine us being friends, but then I dont want to be annoying myself if shes seeing lads or i still have any feelings there. Would you prefer if links had of been cut altogether?

I have avoided all contact but it is tempting now and again to just check out their facebook, see what they've been up to.

Friendship only works if both people are over it. Difficult if one still has feelings. So jealous though of you. Such great fresh start ahead of you.
Great times ahead

ash23

123wert wrote: »

Ash23 how do you find the staying friends thing? She did say the whole friends thing when we split and we could well be friends. We didnt argue and got on great right up until the end so could imagine us being friends, but then I dont want to be annoying myself if shes seeing lads or i still have any feelings there. Would you prefer if links had of been cut altogether?

I still don't know how I find up but I am starting to feel better when we don't see each other for a while and then he'll call or visit and it feels like being dumped all over again. So it's not possible really. Not while there are still feelings there.

At the start I think I just wanted to see him. But now a few months out I realise it's not possible to be "friends". I've always told him I don't want to be just friends and that he's to stop contacting me if he gets to the point where he knows there is no future for us or if he is looking to see other people. Because I can't give him friendship.
However as time passed, it began to feel more and more like a friendship and less and less like "staying in touch to see what happens". Which sucks.
So I cut off the contact. The occasional text here and there but I've not seen him in a few weeks although he did ask to see me. I just need space. I'm dating again although I'm not sure my heart is in it. But I have to try something. I don't want to be stuck in this same place of the breakup for the next year or more......

LegacyUser

ash23 wrote: »

I still don't know how I find up but I am starting to feel better when we don't see each other for a while and then he'll call or visit and it feels like being dumped all over again. So it's not possible really. Not while there are still feelings there.

Yeah, got a text off her tonight. Really nice, congratulating me about exam results and the job and stuff but its hit me for six! Exactly like ya say, like being dumped all over again. Not nice at all :-(

kittycati