Has my relationship reached a dead end?

Smiley queen

Hi, I need some advice!! I have been with my bf for the past 3 years and the first 2 were fantastic, he was great. He was loving, caring and so considerate, couldn't spend enough time with me. He talked about marriage, babies with me etc. The past year or so I have noticed some big changes. He has become so distant. We live together but he seems to do anything he can to be away from me. He is constantly filling up his spare time with plans of some sort. He fills his weekends up with plans of his own before there is a chance for me to even ask him to do anything with me. When he hasn't made plans of some kind he will go to the pub whether he has anyone to go with or not. When there is a chance to do anything he'd rather just go to the pub. Anytime we do spend together at home he doesn't talk to me, he has nothing to say to me, he will just play on his phone or watch tv. When he comes back from the pub it seems the only time he will talk to me but just to tell me all the things I do wrong. He makes it sound like everything is my fault, he takes absolutely no blame for anything. Every argument leaves me feeling it's my fault that I caused us to become the way we are. He works away alot and when he does I might not hear from him at all because he spends most of the time he's free while away drinking. I will only hear from him if I text him first and at that he might respond a few hours later with a one sentence answer. He never would text me first anymore. For so long I had thought I had met the one and this is such a dramatic change. He is a very likeable guy, gets on with everyone. He just seems to have completely lost interest in me. I have threatened to leave a few times and his response was "well that's your choice, all I want is you to be happy" and then he says "sure your better off without me, I'm no good for anyone". He says he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but he's doing everything he can to keep me out of his life, it seems he just likes to know I'm there for security. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells because anything I say annoys him now.

Mr Guinness.

It sounds like a touch of depression.how are things with is job?

Koptain Liverpool

My inclination is that, for whatever reason, he wants to break up with you but doesn't have the guts to do it. Of course there could be many explanations. Time for a big heart to heart I think

Smiley queen

Mr Guinness. wrote: »

It sounds like a touch of depression.how are things with is job?

Yeah I have found he suffers from what seems like depression at times but won't ever talk about anything to me. I feel like whenever there is a problem he decides it's easier to escape (with drinking or something else to occupy him) it rather than face it.

Smiley queen

Koptain Liverpool wrote: »

My inclination is that, for whatever reason, he wants to break up with you but doesn't have the guts to do it. Of course there could be many explanations. Time for a big heart to heart I think

Maybe so, I'd just like to know for sure. As for the heart to heart, he won't talk to me long enough to talk, just thinks I'm picking at him!

vertico

Smiley queen wrote: »

Yeah I have found he suffers from what seems like depression at times but won't ever talk about anything to me. I feel like whenever there is a problem he decides it's easier to escape (with drinking or something else to occupy him) it rather than face it.

Been with the same gal for 21 years and go tru the this all the time......but I'm still here. Life is hard work

Mr Guinness.

Smiley queen wrote: »

Yeah I have found he suffers from what seems like depression at times but won't ever talk about anything to me. I feel like whenever there is a problem he decides it's easier to escape (with drinking or something else to occupy him) it rather than face it.

Ya sounds very much like depression because from what you have said he starts arguments then that is just a excuse to go to the pub.or could be a drink problem.i personally think its something there is something troubling him.

Smiley queen

vertico wrote: »

Been with the same gal for 21 years and go tru the this all the time......but I'm still here. Life is hard work

It sure is!! But staying in a relationship like this it looks like there's no moving forward, no future. I don't want to just put up with it staying like this forever.

Smiley queen

Mr Guinness. wrote: »

Ya sounds very much like depression because from what you have said he starts arguments then that is just a excuse to go to the pub.or could be a drink problem.i personally think its something there is something troubling him.

Yeah well drinking is definitely an escape for him from whatever is troubling him. He was never a big talker but always enjoyed being with me until our days became a routine I guess. He has been through alot in the past, I know that and he doesn't like to talk about it but has a good job and a good life now. He's practically living a single life apart from not being with other people.

kjl

Not to be that guy, but it sounds like his problem it the fact that he drinks too much. The booze seemed to be the major theme of your post. People often forget that alcoholism can be hidden so well in our culture and ofter you only recognize you have a problem when it's a big problem.

It's is also a major cause of depression and sudden mood swings. Hard topic to broach but maybe ask him to take a break from alcohol.

CaraMay

I personally would move out and on. you have tried to talk to him, reason with him etc yet nothing gets a reaction. This is not a good place to be in. Why waste your life on someone who is so ambivalent about your relationship. You have threatened to leave and that got no reaction so who holds all the cards now.