I think my friend has a massive crush on me

LegacyUser

Hi, this thread may seem a bit vain but all the signs in my mind point to what I am going to set out.

I'm 34, single. Little long relationship experience. Had a five month relationship with a girl who I really like which ended around Christmas because she that we had zero chemistry. I was pretty gutted and only recently accept that it is not going to work.

A very good friend of mine who I went to college with, and who I see and talk to regularly is going through a tough time. She is part of a group and many of always suggested we get together, to me, probably not to us both, but nothing has ever happened. I have always thought she might have had a slight fancy for me but never did anything.

So in telling me about her tough time I have shared some of my own issues about the breakup with the previous girl, and she has shared stuff with me. Her own troubles concern work, but after exploring it with her she has told me that her love life has her tormented. There is nobody on the scene as far as I know and she has told me she cannot tell me any more about it but that it is something she has not addressed. She has made several suggestive comments to me that point to me being the person that is on her mind and I do not know how to approach it. She is quite a shy girl.

On the one hand she is a very good looking girl, we get on very well, but I'm not sure whether there is that something extra that would sustain a relationship, but guess I have wondered before whether something would work. On the other hand if I imagine myself kissing her, I think it may be like kissing my sister.

I hate to see her so tormented and don't know whether I should just approach it with her but I do not want to end a good friendship, and even though I would probably be open to trying something, albeit that it would feel very very strange, maybe it is an answer that has been staring me in the face for years.

JenEffy

Don't go for it unless you're certain it would be worth the loss of the friendship. Do you have real feelings for her or have the feelings only been brought on by thinking she has a crush?

beks101

If you're "not sure", don't risk the friendship.

If she has real feelings - so much that they've been tormenting her for years - and something happens but you're only half-feeling it, you're going to irreversibly damage the friendship when the sh1t hits the fan. (Trust me, I've experienced this exact scenario quite recently and haven't seen or heard from the guy since)

On the other hand - are you sure it's you that she's talking about? It seems quite juvenile and unnecessarily cryptic for her to be venting about the subject of her woes to the subject of her woes. Why don't you flat out ask her, to avoid any misunderstanding between you two?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the comments. I guess my main question is should I address it with ger regardless of what happens. I'm confused but would not like to see her suffering if dealing with it for better or worse would help. I agree about doing anything only when very sure.

beks101

I'd be of the opinion that honesty is the best policy with these things. Personally it'd wreck my head if a friend was talking to me so cryptically, so on that alone I'd need to get some clarification. I'd find it weird for a friend to talk to me in riddles like that, shy or not.

BUT. You need to establish your feelings and determine how you will respond before you broach it. If you don't, you run the risk of telling her you feel the same way to avoid hurting her feelings and at that point you're essentially messing with her head.

Or what if she says it's not actually you? Would that make you change how you feel about her? Are you only considering her romantically because you think she's an option?

The platonic "sister" feelings and "good looking, but" thing you have for her would suggest so.

StickyIcky

Make up some other girl and tell your friend how you fancy this girl so much. Then finish by telling her how much of a good friend she is :-D

Astala

StickyIcky wrote: »

Make up some other girl and tell your friend how you fancy this girl so much. Then finish by telling her how much of a good friend she is :-D

Or just be honest in order to show you actually respect your friend and are not just some lying, ignorant fool.