Friend Moved On

LegacyUser

I guess I just need to vent or people to point out that I am being selfish

Basically I've always had trouble making friends but a few years back I met a great albeit small group of friends and my life changed so much for the better. I became really good friends with one of the guys.

Then I went travelling because I felt I needed to. After about a year I came back and found that almost all my friends including my best mate were in relationships. I knew it wouldn't be the same with my best mate as he would prefer to spend time with his other half.

Yet I didn't realize how tough I would find it. I always feel like I have to chase him to meetup. It can go weeks without a word from him. Or a txt asking if I'm out and if I reply yeah then he comes back with he "may be out" and not a word after it.

I do know that being in a relationship is different and I've joined other clubs to improve my social life which is going well actually. I've even become better friends with people I barely knew before I left travelling mainly because they're single and we tend to go out together.

It's just I don't have that "best friend, share everything" with them. It takes me a while to get to trust a person.

I guess I just miss my friend and now I feel back to square one and just ackowledge that he's moved on? It's gotten to the point that I think it's best if I just don't see him which is probably an over reaction

Batgurl

anonandon wrote: »

Then I went travelling because I felt I needed to. After about a year I came back

This is what stands out to me the most. Did you invite your friend with you? Did you make the effort to keep in touch while you were away?

It's likely your friend felt abandoned by you a long time ago but because you were away doing new things and meeting new people you didn't realise it.

Now that you're 'back in the real world', you want things to go back to how they were but your friend has moved on. It's not unlike a relationship break-up really.

To be honest, I'm not sure you can fix the friendship but all I can advise is time and effort. You need to give your friend time to heal as I'm sure they are the ones hurting and YOU need to put in the effort now.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Batgurl wrote: »

This is what stands out to me the most. Did you invite your friend with you? Did you make the effort to keep in touch while you were away?

It's likely your friend felt abandoned by you a long time ago but because you were away doing new things and meeting new people you didn't realise it.

Now that you're 'back in the real world', you want things to go back to how they were but your friend has moved on. It's not unlike a relationship break-up really.

To be honest, I'm not sure you can fix the friendship but all I can advise is time and effort. You need to give your friend time to heal as I'm sure they are the ones hurting and YOU need to put in the effort now.

All the best.

Hey there,

When I was away I made so much effort to keep in touch with him. We would send each other viber messages about random stuff. We would Skype at least once a month and for hours. I knew he was in a relationship before his mates back home knew.

In fact he even joked about the fact we talked more while I was away than since I came back. Which hurted me because I just wanted to ask why we haven't chatted like that since I came back.

I am trying to put in the effort. I guess it just needs time. Yet I think I'm running into a brick wall and maybe it's best for me not to be the one who tries to arrange meeting and let him if he wants to.

EdCastle

Look OP from experience of travelling myself for long periods, keeping in contact works two ways, it wouldn't make a difference whether you had gone travelling or not. You could just as easily lost contact if you had stayed in Ireland.

This is life, people change, mature and move on, develop new interests & pastimes, settle down in new communities, get married, have kids, lose contact with old friends and fall into new circles of friends.

You probably just don't have anything in common anymore or have no real reason to contact each other so I wouldn't push the issue. Best thing is to forget it, start getting busy with your life and develop new circles of friends.

LegacyUser

Batgurl wrote: »

This is what stands out to me the most. Did you invite your friend with you? Did you make the effort to keep in touch while you were away?

Actually yeah I did. I do see where you are coming from but we would have txted and facebooked each other once a week. Skyped every month for like hours on end. I know it's not the same but he even joked that we spoke more to each other when we were away than now.

I think I'll just leave it and focus on building up the social life again.

Thanks