Why did she do this?

LegacyUser

A mate of mine was going out with this girl, But she was my mate at the same time and for a few weeks before they broke up me and her got very close, I used to bring her out in my car for chats and used to go to dinner and stuff but never thought anything of it.

Anyway, she and my mate broke up and she then told me she had a crush on me and that she was thinking about me a lot, I told her I felt the same,

I was a virgin at the time and actually never had any relationships with women atall so I was a bit cautious. We texted constantly and had a lot of passion for each other, then we had sex and even after the sex a few weeks later we were still very close.

Because of my mate and her circle of friends she didnt wanna be seen as a slut so she decided that we'd be better off not having a relationship.. she also said several times during our time together that she didnt want me getting to attached to her cause i'll only get hurt, but then why tell me she cares about me? and have sex with me?

Now, she says she is ''playing the field'' and keeps telling me about all the men she is meeting and keeps telling me when she is horney and keeps doing things like touching my privates when i'm driving.. I still have feelings for her but not sure she knows how much I care for her..

I brought her friends out the other night and she kept giving me wet willies and pinching my cheeks telling them how cute I am..

Boombastic

why is she doing this? wrote: »

..........

Because of my mate and her circle of friends she didnt wanna be seen as a slut so she decided that we'd be better off not having a relationship...............

Now, she says she is ''playing the field'' and keeps telling me about all the men she is meeting and keeps telling me when she is horney and keeps doing things like touching my privates when i'm driving.. .................

She's playing you. She does not want a relationship with you but still wants to keep you onside.

Esoteric_

If she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, and just wants friendship, why the heck is she groping you? I know this will be difficult because you have feelings for her, but push her hand away each time. Stop spending time with her. Stop driving her places. Only see her in a group, when you're both out with the same people.

She's a head-wreck, sounds like she's just happy to mess blokes around.

December2012

Don't let her grope you, that behaviour is unacceptable.

She had her chance with you and didn't choose you. So she shouldn't get to use you when she's feeling horny / pitiful / condescending.

I don't know why she did it, she might not even know herself but you can stop her playing around with you from now on.

Don't let her touch you. Don't be alone with her. Walk away or start talking to somebody else when she pulls her bull about how cute you are.

Be strong OP.

LegacyUser

Lads, can I just ask do u think she just used me for sex? I know she wanted me because the sex was so passionate and before that we spent literally hours kissing the faces of each other.. but then I still find it strange she keeps telling me about what she is up to with other men?


I know for a fact she was terrified of anyone finding out because all her friends are best mates with the ex and she feared they would all hate her.



Dam im confused, why do women do it? lol

why is she doing this?

why is she doing this? wrote: »

Lads, can I just ask do u think she just used me for sex? I know she wanted me because the sex was so passionate and before that we spent literally hours kissing the faces of each other.. but then I still find it strange she keeps telling me about what she is up to with other men?


I know for a fact she was terrified of anyone finding out because all her friends are best mates with the ex and she feared they would all hate her.



Dam im confused, why do women do it? lol

Women don't. She does. They're not the same thing.

She is just keeping you on the side as her plaything. If you're happy and comfortable with that, then fine, but if you're not and want something more, it's time to move on and stop her.

How old are both of you?

Honey-ec

why is she doing this? wrote: »

Lads, can I just ask do u think she just used me for sex? I know she wanted me because the sex was so passionate and before that we spent literally hours kissing the faces of each other.. but then I still find it strange she keeps telling me about what she is up to with other men?

Yes, she did. Sorry to be blunt. Despite popular opinion, not all women need an emotional connection to enjoy sex. So the sex being passionate isn't necessarily an indicator of any romantic feelings toward you on her part. And I'd take her excuse of not wanting a relationship with you because she didn't want to be seen as a slut with a major pinch of salt. If being seen as slutty was her concern, surely starting a relationship with you would be seen as less slutty than just sleeping with you? (For what it's worth, I don't consider a woman having casual sex a slut, but we all know that there can be major double standards at play in this regard.)

You need to take a step back from this woman. Stop driving around with her. Stop seeing her, except in group situations, as Eso said. This business of groping you and whatnot smacks of her wanting to keep you onside as a fall-back for the next time she fancies a bit of a roll in the hay. That's clearly not what you want, so you need to remove yourself from the situation.

Just to add as well - as you were a virgin, I'm going to assume she has been your only sexual partner. If you think the sex with her was passionate, wait until you find someone you have an actual connection with - it will blow your mind.

kittycati

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Quiet Girl

Honestly, id say she is using you for your car or something, sounds like a biatch, i wouldn bother if i was you

Honey-ec

kittycati wrote: »

She sounds like a ***** . She is just using you to make herself feel better. Has you on tap, to satisfy her every need. You deserve way more than this.
Selfish Bitch taking your virginity when that should have been saved for someone special and not wasted on someone who just wanted a meaningless shag. There are plenty more fish in the sea who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.

Bit harsh there. A) Who's to say she even knew he was a virgin, and Not everyone sees virginity as a massive deal, either to give or take. It's not some rare flower that should only be "given" to a collector or something. It's just sex. You're making it sound like she climbed in his bedroom window during the night and forcibly removed his virginity from him.

Fair enough, her behaviour since hasn't exactly been sterling, but the fact of the matter is that the OP willingly slept with this girl. All he can do now is decide how he's going to deal with the aftermath. Given that this girl has treated him pretty shabbily since, my advice to him to remove himself from the situation stands.

LegacyUser

Well first off before we had sex she always asked me if I was sure I 100% I wanted to do it with her as she didnt want me regretting my first time, Weeks before sex even came into it we spent lots of time kissing and playing around.

I'm not to sure she wanted me for my car either? several times I offered to pick her up from college and bring her to work and she would text me telling me she didnt want me thinking she was using me for my car and even when I brought her out she'd always throw me petrol money..

she is 19 and I was 20 at the time.

Don't wanna sound like i'm in denial here either lads, She actually told me that she was always trouble when it came to boys and she has always been very sexual. she is one of those women that will say anything infront of anyone, I remember even when she was going out with my mate she was very unpredictable..

The thing that bothers me the most is the fact that she keeps going into detail about her dealings with other men and says stuff like ''me and john had great sex last night'' then when I really ask her about it she says '' ah, I'm only joking with ya'' sounds like she is trying to annoy me/make me jelious?

LittleBook

why is she doing this? wrote: »

sounds like she is trying to annoy me/make me jelious?

No, OP, NO! She's not trying to make you jealous, she just likes sex and likes talking about it.

She likes talking to you about it because she can't talk to anyone else about her exploits. She knows you won't judge her and will still care for her knowing all the gritty details.

But she has absolutely no romantic interest in you.

It's common to feel a strong connection with the first person you sleep with ... but this does not have to be anything more than that and surely is nothing more than that for her.

So you have two choices ... put up with her or disconnect from her. Seriously, re-read the responses you've had so far and open your eyes.

blatantrereg

I think she is teasing you by mentioning having sex yes. If she just liked talking about it she would go into detail when you asked, not stop and say she was only messing. She is enjoying winding you up because she knows you like her, and she's a bit mean. I'm not sure exactly why she is goading you, but I am sure she is intentionally goading you.

I tend to agree that she has no romantic interest in you, and honestly this is the better interpretation of things. If this is how she acts when she does have romantic interest in someone, then you would want to steer very far clear of her.

As regards getting her to stop, you could just say it directly and assertively that you don't want to hear it. If she does it after that, then you can say it more critically or cut of conversation. You don't have to be dramatic about it; just say you told her not to talk about stuff like that and be cool with her until she cops on. One alternative is to cut contact, which doesn't sound like a good or practical idea in the context.

As regards pinching your cheek and all that around her friends, and touching your privates, well sounds like showing off really. Physical touch can express affection, but it can also express dominance, and the latter certainly sounds like it is what is in play here. The sexual touching is a big no no and just tell her flat out to quit it, as you've already been advised to. The most common response to non-violating touching is simply to reciprocate. You can sometimes see that happening in social or business contexts, usually between male rivals, where they become more and more tactile and possibly forceful in how they interact. One other way of competing in this sort of way is to hold a door and usher her through. Polite and courteous, but also establishing dominance in the sense that you are directing the actions of the other person.

Mrs W

Is it possible that she's making it all up to make you think she's cool or maybe make you jealous?
She said the whole bit about not wanting a relationship maybe because she wants you to say you do want one?

She sounds like she's trying to be independent and doesn't need you but just wants you to stand up for her.

LegacyUser

Mrs W wrote: »

Is it possible that she's making it all up to make you think she's cool or maybe make you jealous?
She said the whole bit about not wanting a relationship maybe because she wants you to say you do want one?

She sounds like she's trying to be independent and doesn't need you but just wants you to stand up for her.

She told me she was having sex with a guy I actually know and when I asked some questions she said ''ah I joke, i'v just kissed him a few times'' then later I caught her out she told me about the guys tattos and I asked had he any tattoo on his penis (rumour I heard) and she said she didnt know she only seen his legs and arms, so she was lying for some reason, I tend to believe she just wanted to annoy me?

Then another guy she told me she had sex with, she said to me one night 'I think I made a 9 month mistake' That one was a few weeks ago but from what I remember I think she ended up saying '' ah no, not really''


I know she is texting a good few fellas atm, I'd say atleast 4 or 5..

blatantrereg wrote: »

As regards getting her to stop, you could just say it directly and assertively that you don't want to hear it. If she does it after that, then you can say it more critically or cut of conversation. You don't have to be dramatic about it; just say you told her not to talk about stuff like that and be cool with her until she cops on. One alternative is to cut contact, which doesn't sound like a good or practical idea in the context.

As regards pinching your cheek and all that around her friends, and touching your privates, well sounds like showing off really. Physical touch can express affection, but it can also express dominance, and the latter certainly sounds like it is what is in play here. The sexual touching is a big no no and just tell her flat out to quit it, as you've already been advised to. The most common response to non-violating touching is simply to reciprocate. You can sometimes see that happening in social or business contexts, usually between male rivals, where they become more and more tactile and possibly forceful in how they interact. One other way of competing in this sort of way is to hold a door and usher her through. Polite and courteous, but also establishing dominance in the sense that you are directing the actions of the other person.

When the touching penis thing happened we were discussing oral sex and we were alone She just grabbed me by the penis and asked me if i'd like a bj (I was driving) I asked if she was serious and she said ''if u want'' but the journey was long and after discussing other things I didnt wanna ask for the bj lol.

The pinching and wet willie thing happened when I brought her and a few of her mates home from town one night and then she gave me another wet willie a few days later infront of the same mates. She made it so obvious she liked me, even her friends made comments about how she was being flirty and wanted me..

Esoteric_

why did she do this? wrote: »

She told me she was having sex with a guy I actually know and when I asked some questions she said ''ah I joke, i'v just kissed him a few times'' then later I caught her out she told me about the guys tattos and I asked had he any tattoo on his penis (rumour I heard) and she said she didnt know she only seen his legs and arms, so she was lying for some reason, I tend to believe she just wanted to annoy me?

Then another guy she told me she had sex with, she said to me one night 'I think I made a 9 month mistake' That one was a few weeks ago but from what I remember I think she ended up saying '' ah no, not really''


I know she is texting a good few fellas atm, I'd say atleast 4 or 5..







When the touching penis thing happened we were discussing oral sex and we were alone She just grabbed me by the penis and asked me if i'd like a bj (I was driving) I asked if she was serious and she said ''if u want'' but the journey was long and after discussing other things I didnt wanna ask for the bj lol.

The pinching and wet willie thing happened when I brought her and a few of her mates home from town one night and then she gave me another wet willie a few days later infront of the same mates. She made it so obvious she liked me, even her friends made comments about how she was being flirty and wanted me..

She probably does want you, but not for the same things you want, and I don't understand how you're not seeing that yet. You seem to only be listening to the advice that you can respond to with 'Well, this happened, so I know she likes me.'

She does want you, I think - for sex. If you're happy to be a fúck buddy to a girl who could have numerous others, considering how many men she seems to be getting stuck into, then go for it, but that doesn't sound as though it's what you want at all.

Forever Hopeful

Op,

How about actually having a conversation with this girl that does not involve sex? Maybe I am a prude but this girl certainly doesn't sound like she is mature enough to be in a relationship an her behaviour (if true) is off putting. She exaggerates and makes silly comments.
Why don't you go on a date and be respectful with each other? Offering bjs, wet whatever in front of friends - My God, I do worry.

Mrs W

why did she do this? wrote: »

She told me she was having sex with a guy I actually know and when I asked some questions she said ''ah I joke, i'v just kissed him a few times'' then later I caught her out she told me about the guys tattos and I asked had he any tattoo on his penis (rumour I heard) and she said she didnt know she only seen his legs and arms, so she was lying for some reason, I tend to believe she just wanted to annoy me?

Then another guy she told me she had sex with, she said to me one night 'I think I made a 9 month mistake' That one was a few weeks ago but from what I remember I think she ended up saying '' ah no, not really''


I know she is texting a good few fellas atm, I'd say atleast 4 or 5..


She's just trying to make you think she's really cool and experienced, silly I know but I'd say that's it.

Have you told her that you like her and would like to be with her exclusively??

msg11

why is she doing this? wrote: »

A mate of mine was going out with this girl, But she was my mate at the same time and for a few weeks before they broke up me and her got very close, I used to bring her out in my car for chats and used to go to dinner and stuff but never thought anything of it.

Anyway, she and my mate broke up and she then told me she had a crush on me and that she was thinking about me a lot, I told her I felt the same,

I was a virgin at the time and actually never had any relationships with women atall so I was a bit cautious. We texted constantly and had a lot of passion for each other, then we had sex and even after the sex a few weeks later we were still very close.

Because of my mate and her circle of friends she didnt wanna be seen as a slut so she decided that we'd be better off not having a relationship.. she also said several times during our time together that she didnt want me getting to attached to her cause i'll only get hurt, but then why tell me she cares about me? and have sex with me?

Now, she says she is ''playing the field'' and keeps telling me about all the men she is meeting and keeps telling me when she is horney and keeps doing things like touching my privates when i'm driving.. I still have feelings for her but not sure she knows how much I care for her..

I brought her friends out the other night and she kept giving me wet willies and pinching my cheeks telling them how cute I am..

Tell her to touch on for you own sanity. I up until recently had this time after time with women, all be it no sex. They just use the guy like yourself for the relationship fix and the other men for the physical sex side of things.

Head melt on a plate. Just walk away and tell her to stop touching you up. If you told her your feelings see wouldn't care.

Someone else out there more deserving of yourself always remember that and never get hung up it's such a negative energy.

LegacyUser

i know this will sound horribe OP, but hear me out! i find it refreshing reading this problem from a guys perspective, cos today (and throughout history), it is stereotypically the girl upset about a guy playing her. but this restores a lot of faith...and im a girl saying this. i think its great that you are man enough to admit this upset you!
as for your problem, i know its easier said than done, but forget her. she sounds like a horrible person if she's going to do that to someone that told her he had feelings for her!!! i dont know how old you are, but im presuming young, there are PLENTY of women out there for you, you dont need someone who would treat you like that....chalk it down to experience, and youre a step closer to knowing what you want!!