Role Reversal

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

Not a major problem as things go, but this is niggling at me a bit.

Been with my boyfriend almost 2 years now. For most of that first year we were pretty casual, both said we could do our own thing, but we stayed totally exclusive despite agreeing we could do what we wanted. I guess we just wanted each other!

He chased me so much in the early days and eventually I fell totally in love with him. We have had a great time and are enjoying being together.

Here is what is bothering me. In the begining he was the super confident, super adventurous one, always up for new things in the bedroom department! I was the shy one. He complimented me everyday, telling me I was so beautiful, sexy, etc.
Now I know the compliments dwindle after being together a while, I'm ok with that.
What is bothering me is that, now I'm so into our bedroom adventures and new things, he has seemed to have gone cold in that dept. It's almost as though he resents me for enjoying sex so much with him, and he wants me to feel bad about it.
He never tells me I look good. He never tells me he enjoys sex, even though he obviously does or we wouldn't be having it. He can act so cold toward me at times. It's like the roles have reversed and now I'm the super confident, super adventurous one and he just couldn't be arsed. Yet when we are apart he has no problem telling me how he feels over text, he's very naughty.

Is it possible that a man who once loved a pretty, sexy girl can come to resent her? This is how I feel. I think he almost blames me for him losing his bedroom confidence or something. Can this happen? And how can I fix it? He refuses to talk about how he feels right now

miamee

This might sound silly but is it possible that he is a bit intimidated by you now that you are much more confident in the bedroom and (presumably) taking the lead sometimes? When you were very shy, he probably spent a lot of time being patient and kind and considerate, boosting your confidence and that was his role. Now that you no longer need all of that and are taking the lead, maybe he feels a bit lost as to what his 'role' 'is.

blatantrereg

A lot of people are like that: They have an inflated idea about someone at first, which then fades and they start to belittle them. The closer they are, the more they belittle them.

I'd also wonder if there might be something about the idea of you being around other men that does it for him. He was super keen on you when you were casual. He gets more keen on you when you are apart. Does he send the horny messages when you're on a night out etc moreso than otherwise?

December2012

It can happen.

My husband gave me loads of confidence and ambition. Along the way he lost his own.

But it's not because he helped me, it was for external reasons, stress, grief, work problems.

Try and help him, give him loads of praise, genuine compliments and reassurance, out of the bedroom and it will translate

LegacyUser

miamee wrote: »

This might sound silly but is it possible that he is a bit intimidated by you now that you are much more confident in the bedroom and (presumably) taking the lead sometimes? When you were very shy, he probably spent a lot of time being patient and kind and considerate, boosting your confidence and that was his role. Now that you no longer need all of that and are taking the lead, maybe he feels a bit lost as to what his 'role' 'is.

This is exactly how I think it is. Except he doesn't seem to feel lost, more so angry and resentful. I thought he would love me being much more confident and adventurous, as it's him who brought out the naughty side of me. He is very dominant and I think now he feels threatened by me or something, even though I love to let him dominate me!

I feel it has changed our relationship, out of the bedroom aswell as in. He can be rude and mean to me at times. He goes of in a sulk when I try to ask him what's going on. He seems to blame me for everything.

I am starting to think he is out there looking for a shy timid girl that he can totally dominate.

But why bring out the tiger in me if it was always a shy type he wanted?
I'm well confused!

December2012

Have you talked to him about his behaviour? What else is going on here?