Should I just leave it

elya765

So met a guy on a night out. Exchanged nos. we texted the next day. He asked to meet for coffee. Initially I wasn't so interested, there's a 5 year age gap, me being the older. I'm in my early 30s. Anyway I thought what the hell, why not and I went. Had a great time, we chatted for hours, I found him really interesting and he seemed interested to get to know me. He text after saying he enjoyed it too and asked to meet again. We did and it was the same story, really enjoyed his company and started to fee attracted to him. Anyway we had a night out, got drunk and one thing led to another...
I didn't hear from him for a day or two after that so decided to text to say hi etc. he text back. But I kinda felt it was only out of politeness. Anyway a week later I text again and asked if he wanted to meet for coffee. He said that was great idea and we did, it was nice but he just didn't seem so interested. Maybe I'm paranoid I dunno. Anyway we spent about 2 hrs together, parted ways. Just as we were parting he said keep in touch.
So my question is should I just leave it now? As in is it possible he has lost interest due to the fact we did the deed already? I'm kinda new to this whole dating thing, I've been outta the loop for a while. I really don't think he will text unless I do and I'm kinda getting the impression he will only reply out of politeness. What do u guys think??

endacl

At least he's polite! I think you may be thinking about this too much. If I were you, I'd fire off a text and invite him out for something harmless. Coffee or lunch or suchlike. See where you go from there. A conversation with him will be better for you than a load of wondering. It might go nowhere. On the other hand it might go somewhere. It might even go somewhere as simple as a nice chat over coffee and a friendship. You'll never know if you've only yourself to figure it out with...

elya765

Hey edacl, thanks for the advise. I probably am over thinking, I do that a lot:) I just don't want to be doing all the chasing and I just don't want to be hassling him if he's not interested. Aaaaggghhh when did this become so difficult:) I just think that if he really wanted to see me again he would text. I really wanna see him again but can't always be the one to initiate:)
Thanks again!

fits

Id just leave it, sorry. If he were interested he'd be in touch. You've already asked him out once since.

CaraMay

Yeah I agree. He isn't exactly breaking down your door since you were intimate. A man who is interested makes sure you know. I wouldn't contact him again. He knows where to find you if he wants to

elya765

Yea im gonna leave it. Thanks guys its good to get outside perspective:)

BraziliaNZ

Keep texting him untill he answers - persistence is key in matters of the heart.
It's obvious he likes you, he slept with you afterall. Just do it.

PrincessPreach

I agree with BraZzyNz...you only live once....text him....why the hell not?
Men don't tend to just sleep with a girl unless they're really into her. Men have high standards too. I've never had a man sleep with me and not call me right after:)

If he doesn't reply then his loss - NEXT!!!!!

elya765

Guys u reckon? U see I know he'll text back, I know he'll agree to meet me. But just out of politeness. Do u not think I would be better off waiting to see if he texts me? (Which might never happen) but at least I'll know then:)

Karen8

You have a gut instinct, don't ignore it. You know the answer what to do.

PrincessPreach

Well.. look what makes you think it's only of out politeness? Look maybe that's just you being hard on yourself. However, if you truly believe he'd only respond to be nice and not because he's into it then I wouldn't bother.
Look - why would you want someone who's only being polite? Then again, look I'm all for taking risks so maybe you should just do it!!!
Either way I really hope it works out for you:)

dixiefly

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Keep texting him untill he answers - persistence is key in matters of the heart.
It's obvious he likes you, he slept with you afterall. Just do it.

is this a little tongue in cheek? isnt it kinda obvious that he was wooing the OP to get her into bed and when he succeeded reasonably quickly the motivation diminished.

At the same time, if you do like him you actually have very little to lose by texting him. However if you do meet up again then have some sort of conversation as to where the "relationship" is going if anywhere.

elya765

I'm all for taking risks too. I know I have absolutely nothing to loose by texting. I just wish I knew what he was thinking:) I'm confused now:) I guess it would be nice for him to do the chasing and that's probably what I was looking for. Especially as he was doing the chasing when I wasn't so interested. Initially I told him that the age gap was something I couldn't get over but that was before I had time to digest. I really don't want to hassle someone esp if they r not interested. If he really was interested I think he would initiate contact this time.
Thanks for all the replies guys:)

elya765

Dixiefly I think u have made a very valid point:)

BraziliaNZ

dixiefly wrote: »

is this a little tongue in cheek? isnt it kinda obvious that he was wooing the OP to get her into bed and when he succeeded reasonably quickly the motivation diminished.

At the same time, if you do like him you actually have very little to lose by texting him. However if you do meet up again then have some sort of conversation as to where the "relationship" is going if anywhere.

Look, I just think the OP has nothing to lose here....but plenty to gain. Fair heart neeer won faint madain afterall

LegacyUser

Men dont text or men up out of politeness, trust me he does it because he wants to.

ibarelycare

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Keep texting him untill he answers - persistence is key in matters of the heart.
It's obvious he likes you, he slept with you afterall. Just do it.

PrincessPreach wrote: »

I agree with BraZzyNz...you only live once....text him....why the hell not?
Men don't tend to just sleep with a girl unless they're really into her. Men have high standards too. I've never had a man sleep with me and not call me right after:)

If he doesn't reply then his loss - NEXT!!!!!

Really baffled at these answers. Why would you keep texting someone until they answer?? That's bunny boiler behaviour! And it's a huge generalisation to say that men don't tend to sleep with girls unless they're really into them. Plenty of men sleep with girls (and plenty of girls sleep with guys) just for a ride!


OP don't keep being the one to do the chasing. I'm all for being open and going after something you want, but you've made your feelings very clear by being the one to text him first, the one to ask him out on the last date. I think the ball is in his court now.

sbsquarepants

elya765 wrote: »

Guys u reckon? U see I know he'll text back, I know he'll agree to meet me. But just out of politeness. Do u not think I would be better off waiting to see if he texts me? (Which might never happen) but at least I'll know then:)

I have to say, whatever about replying to a text - there is no way i would ever meet up with anybody out of politeness. I don't think any man would!

I think you've nothing to loose, he's probably as unsure as you are and with both of you procrastinating the whole thing falls apart. Maybe he's just not confident in asking women out, maybe he's just not confident asking you in particular (are you smoking hot by any chance:D?), maybe he's been busy, maybe he's been ill, maybe he has a secret wife and kids in another town, maybe this, maybe that - you could drive yourself mad wondering. There's an easy way to find out - be brave, ask the question.
Fortune favours the brave!

buswankers

How long ago was the meeting for coffee? i.e. how long is it since he said "keep in touch"?

Personally I wouldnt continue with the chasing - you've already done the chasing twice now - A) with the text a couple of days after you "did the deed" & instigated the coffee date. Both times you got the feeling he was just being polite. It it were me I would go with my gut - sit back & wait for a text from him. If he is genuinely interested in you he will text, if you dont hear from him then so be it & move on. But thats just my opinion.

Best of luck hope whatever you decide works out for you!

elya765

Some good advice guys but I'm still no further on:)
I am over thinking this I know I am. If I didn't like him I would just say **** it and text but its because I like him I suppose I'm just been overly cautious.
The last time we met was 4 days ago so not so long ago, but I haven't heard anything since. Yea he could be busy but come on a text takes two minutes. I dunno. Maybe I will text but I don't want to come across as a bunny boiler either:) confusion!!!

elya765

ibarelycare wrote: »

Really baffled at these answers. Why would you keep texting someone until they answer?? That's bunny boiler behaviour! And it's a huge generalisation to say that men don't tend to sleep with girls unless they're really into them. Plenty of men sleep with girls (and plenty of girls sleep with guys) just for a ride!


OP don't keep being the one to do the chasing. I'm all for being open and going after something you want, but you've made your feelings very clear by being the one to text him first, the one to ask him out on the last date. I think the ball is in his court now.

Just to add, he does reply if I text. It's just that since we were together he hasn't been initiating:) I haven't been harassing him or anything just a text once/twice a week, maybe that is harassment I dunno aaaaggghhh

LegacyUser

Hi!

From a male perspective, if I were interested in a lady then yeah, I'd be initiating things, as shy and reserved as I am I'd still blast off a text, offer to do something show some interest and be a bit enthuesiastic about the whole thing. If I werent interested, well, then I wouldnt do it, but I'm also not sure I'd meet out of politeness as that'd just be leading someone on, so, I dont know; I can see how you'd be confused.

Perhaps this guy likes the idea that he has you hanging on a string and doesnt have to do anything, he may not be interested but still likes the idea that a lady is chasing him?? Just an idea.



I'm kinda in the same posistion myself, except I'm the guy texting the girl and trying to show my interest in wanting to get to know her better but, I'm not feeling the same in return so I'm kinda getting disheartened and thinking of just saying .....NEXT!

wallycharlo

elya765 wrote: »

...I know he'll agree to meet me. But just out of politeness...

Can't agree OP, I seriously don't think that he would actually meet up with you if he was genuinely not interested. He may text you back out of politeness, but actually meeting up is another thing.

ibarelycare

elya765 wrote: »

Just to add, he does reply if I text. It's just that since we were together he hasn't been initiating:) I haven't been harassing him or anything just a text once/twice a week, maybe that is harassment I dunno aaaaggghhh

Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest you were harassing him. But I think if you took the previous poster's advice to keep texting him until he answers, then it would be harassment


I think you've done enough on your side though. I'd lay off initiating the contact and see what happens. If he doesn't bother getting in touch then you have your answer.

mygoat

OP, I have a feeling that what you're looking for here is a sense of balance. You have no problem contacting him and asking him to meet up, and you have no problem responding positively when he does the same. I find (in my relationships) that when people more or less take turns asking each other out, it's a sign that both parties are equally interested. Whenever I end up in a situation when one person does all the chasing (either me or him), the imbalance makes the interaction feel like a hard work.

In your situation, I'd stop initiating contact for now. Give him some time to miss you (as much for your own benefit as for his!). If he does end up missing you in a few days, he will get in touch. If he doesn't, I'd probably send one last text in about a week or so, just asking how he's doing, and see what happens. After that, if he still doesn't initiate contact, I'd move on.

These things are really hard to figure out sometimes, and it's so easy to start overthinking it. Ultimately though, I'm in the camp with those who say that if he likes you, he will get in touch. And I strongly believe that if a relationship is right, it's effortless.

elya765

Guys I'm just gonna text and ask to meet. Then I'm gonna ask what the story is. Whatever the outcome I will be happy to move on:) this pondering is doing me head in:)
Thank you all for the advice! Much appreciated:)

Merkin

I would honestly just leave it. Unless he is blind and/or stupid it is quite obvious that you like him and he will have gleaned this from you texting him and suggesting another date. He could just be incredibly passive but in my experience if a guy likes you and wants to see you he will be jumping out of his skin asking when can he see you again. One of my brothers told me ages ago that if a man arranges the next date before finishing the one he is on then he is keen. Very insightful of him as in my colourful and rather varied experience (:p) the guys who were really interested in me would always, always want to know when I'd be free to see them again. I also think the whole "keep in touch" statement is terribly non committal and could potentially suggest that he may just like it for you to be doing all the texting and instigating contact to stroke his ego. In any event, he's not contacting you and if he was keen he would be, sorry.

CaraMay

Op of course he will meet you cos he thinks no strings sex will be on the menu again.

I personally would be too proud to keep chasing him.

dellas1979

Put it like this, youve made it obvious you like him. So, there has to be movement on his part too. If he aint moving, he aint interested (or at least interested in what you want).

Youve probably contacted him already, so I hope it works out, but dont be too disheartened if it doesnt. Sometimes things just dont work out.

Stavro Mueller

To me, "keep in touch" sounds like a rather odd thing to say to someone you're seeing. It's like something you'd be saying to someone who's moving away somewhere or to someone you don't see all the time. Or is it a variation on "I'll call you" which can be said but not meant with any sincerity?

Oh and in my experience, guys who aren't into you don't reply out of politeness. They resurface periodically when it suits them. Usually when they're at a loose end and hoping for some fun..

elya765

Ok so I didn't contact him. I met a friend this eve and just tried to put him out of my mind. As tempted as I am to text, I've put in the ground work already:) he knows where to find me. I don't see him contacting me but I'd just love if he text be it positive or negative, I want to know where I stand. Again thanks for all the replies:)

CaraMay

By not contacting you he is also telling you where you stand.

Stavro Mueller

If he does contact you again, it may be for an encore of the bedroom gymnastics. So be wary of that if you do decide to meet again.

_Kaiser_

I'd move on OP.. sounds like he got what he was after or he regrets it/doesn't think there's much else there now beyond a casual friendship but knowing that you ARE into him, doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

Either way I wouldn't be paying it any more thought.

elya765

Yea I'm going to leave it. Didn't hear anything from him since and I won't be contacting him/meeting him again. Plenty more guys out there who are on the same page as me, I hope:)
Thanks to each of you who gave me advice. Much appreciated:)