Smart Ass Answers

JohnnyBananas

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and said, 'Got stuck, huh?'

The truck driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'

silentrust

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
'

BURN!!! :-)

silentrust

A few anecdotal ones:

Sitting in college doing Post-Grad training and our tutor has overstayed her time by around five minutes. I'm getting nervous as I'm meeting my latest bit of skirt, and look at my watch.

Tutor : Sorry Jack, am I boring you?
Me : Yes, you are actually, and you've overrun, can you wind it up please?

Watching the heart warming slightly mushy Robin Williams film 'What Dreams may Come' with my ex girlfriend Leanne. The life-affirming tale of a man who dies and goes to Heaven, only to risk eternal damnation by travelling to Hell to rescue his wife who has committed suicide. The credits roll...

Leanne : Jack, if I died and went to hell, would you go there to save me?
Me : Baby, when I'm with you, I feel like I'm already there.

JohnnyBananas

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

JohnnyBananas

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.