Do you see youself working fulltime

I had a very interesting conversation with one of my sister about this, she has 4 children and works 4 day one week and 3 day the next and would like to be even more par time if she could but her work wont offer her this, While all the woman I know work, I have just realised nearly all work sub full time one way or another my sister thinks in a subtle way men are psychologley set up to expect to work full time till they retire ( in our society ) and women are set to think that once I have children I will be working part time or less that full time?

I have another friend who is the same age as me but has younger children she had them late in life, they are in the processes of selling the house to move some where cheaper and the reason they are doing this is so she can remain working part time, she is reluctant to do this but will not go back to full work to stay in the current house, when we were talking about this she said I am tired as it is and can't go back to work full time and that the children do not want to go to the after school care and she wants to be able to go to the beach with them in the afternoon and so on, again she feel men are set up to work full time till they retire and that women need to work less that full time when they have children?

Moonbeam

I worked full time until I had my 1st child and then switched to a 3 day week with my 2nd and then started childminding and my maternity leave is over soon and i have no idea what I will do then yet.
Ideally I would love to work 5 mornings a week.

meeeeh

I never thought that I will work anything less than full time. I grew up in a country where the only stay at home mothers were basically unemployed or working from home (mine). I'm on a three day week (sort of, we have our own business so I could be doing some extra stuff) because it just doesn't make sense with the cost of child care at the moment. I still want to go back to full time employment when they are in school but that might change depending on the school hours, after school care or workload. Running own business can be very stressful (and couple previous of years were not exactly great) but also offers a bit more flexibility. Sometimes it helps sleeping with the boss. I don't need to to worry if I'll get half an hour to pop to the doctor or who stays at home if kids are sick but I'd like to be back to work full time eventually.

XxMCRxBabyxX

I'm only 22 so not really fully able to decide on something like this just yet but I couldn't see myself not working full time. The job I'm going into is not a basic 9 - 5 and involves a lot of long days and unpredictable hours but it's what I want to do and I'd rather do it full time. It probably helps that I see and know a lot of mothers who do work full time and I really admire how they combine that with being fantastic mothers and I would want to do the same.

I have just thought of something else, I know a nurse who works 3 day a week, shifts of 12 or 13 hours a day so yes she works full time but the amount of people who thought she was working part time was amazing mainly because she was often out side the school gates collecting her children with other mothers.

Das Kitty

I work full time and will continue to when my second boy arrives.

I enjoy working, I love my kid, but I'm happier being able to work full time than I would be otherwise.

My OH would like to be working full time too, but he hasn't the opportunity to at the moment, so he stays home part time with our youngfella.

I think there's an assumption that women will take their foot off the gas in their career when family time rolls around (and even before that). I know of at least one woman who hasn't gone for a promotion that she would otherwise have leapt at because she was thinking of getting married in the next year or two.

I'm guilty of it myself when pregnant, saying I'll relax and no look for new opportunities, but I'm taking a different approach this time and not leaving work (mentally) until I actually have to leave. Foot on the pedal until I have to stop.

SeventySix

My baby is 10 months old and I am back working full time. She does 4 days in creche and one with my MIL. She sees more of the creche girls than me, even if I spend every second of the day with her at the weekend. This weekend I have to go to a wedding up the country so I will hardly see her at all. I absolutely hate it. I feel I am missing so much. I feel like she is being raised by other people. I am trying currently to get a 3 - 4 day week to give us more time together and if work cant be flexible I will quit. We can affort to live on OH's salary if we cut out luxuries.

I care about my career but I care about spending time with my baby more. And in a choice between it and her, she wins every time. I know a lot of women with young babies and its about 50/50 those that work full time vs part time. I only know one Mam at home full time and she was made redundant and hasn't managed to find employment rather than SAHM as a choice.

I think most women just want flexablilty, to go down to part time while kids are young but not leave the work force totally.

astrofool

This is just being kicked off in the UK at the moment re: part time female doctors:
http://news.sky.com/story/1100127/women-gps-row-tory-mp-defends-comments

Long term it's going to be very difficult to sort out as the % of women vs. men getting higher education goes up, only to be sucked out of the workforce (fully or partially) when family comes along (not all women but a much higher % than men).

Whether the answer is better childcare facilities or moving to a French style reduced hour working week for everyone.

kat.mac

There are so many variables involved:

- Whether the mother wants to stay full time or not
- Whether the family is in a financial position for her to make that choice
- Whether or not the workplace offers that kind of flexibility
- Childcare arrangements/access to childcare/quality of childcare available
- OH's work situation/salary level
- Whether OH could be the one to reduce working hours
- How easy or difficult it will be to re-enter the workforce in their particular job/field once kid(s) are old enough
- If one or more kids have special needs, need extra attention for other reasons, or need full-time care from a parent due to illness, etc

And that's far from an exhaustive list. I reckon it's impossible to know until you've physically had the baby/babies and know exactly what the demands on your time and money are. The ideal scenario is different for every family, in the same way that the actual reality is different for every family. Personally, I'm not sure that being a SAHM would be ideal for me; I think the ideal scenario (when/if I have kids!) would be for either myself or my OH to be able to go part time. If my OH was willing and able to go part time, I'd be delighted with that and would very happily stay fulltime.

kat.mac

kat.mac wrote: »

There are so many variables involved:

- Whether the mother wants to stay full time or not
- Whether the family is in a financial position for her to make that choice
- Whether or not the workplace offers that kind of flexibility
- Childcare arrangements/access to childcare/quality of childcare available
- OH's work situation/salary level
- Whether OH could be the one to reduce working hours
- How easy or difficult it will be to re-enter the workforce in their particular job/field once kid(s) are old enough
- If one or more kids have special needs, need extra attention for other reasons, or need full-time care from a parent due to illness, etc

And that's far from an exhaustive list. I reckon it's impossible to know until you've physically had the baby/babies and know exactly what the demands on your time and money are. The ideal scenario is different for every family, in the same way that the actual reality is different for every family. Personally, I'm not sure that being a SAHM would be ideal for me; I think the ideal scenario (when/if I have kids!) would be for either myself or my OH to be able to go part time. If my OH was willing and able to go part time, I'd be delighted with that and would very happily stay full time.

They are all very good points, but what I am looking at are broader subtle cultural expections and also almost unconscious beliefs that shape behaviour, for example I know middle aged woman who no longer have child care responsibilities yet dint go back to full time work because they are enjoying life as it is and never had the expectation of working more that 3/4 time after they had children. I know this not true for all women. I would say if you looked at it closely its is mostly women who have careers where you have compressed hours such as nursing or careers when they are long holidays such as teaching or women who have there own business that work full time.( unless they have no choice )

I do know a woman who is going back to work full time because her husband lost his job she has been working part time for 25 years and she is not one bit happy at having to go back to work full time, yet the average man works full time till retirement.

highly1111

I worked full time until I had my 2nd. I know work part time 2 evenings a week. However I'm in teaching so it is a different situation. I never worked long hours and I had great (unpaid) holidays. I also had no job security etc as the longest contract I ever got was fixed term. (only qualified about 3 years) prior to going back to teaching i worked extremely long hours in what would be perceived as a glamourous job in finance - and there is no doubt that my desire for children affected my decision to change career.

As for women v men working full time?? My sister works full time and has 3 young kids. She works very long hours - doesn't see the kids at all in the mornings and often takes work home with her after getting home at 6pm. As far as I'm concerned she has a miserable life. I wouldn't trade the it for all the tea in china. She is exhausted, feels guilty and ends up giving into the kids far too often which is coming back to haunt her now as they get older. She has a fabulous house, car, cleaner, foreign holiday etc and she is breadwinner so has little choice. She does love her job but finds it extremely tough when the kids tell her their achievements that the childminder was there for.

I do think that men are able to be away from their kids easier than women. I think its just the way we're designed from evolution - i don't think its a reflection on my husband that if we go away for a night I'd probably miss the kids more than him - but i do think that women definitely find it harder to leave their kids.

As for those with teenagers who are in secondary all day and who are at home full time - now that would blow my brain with boredom. I fully intend to go back to work full time when my lot are older and in secondary school.

pwurple

Isn't everyone's goal to earn the same money(or more) and work less hours? That's the name of the game baby! Countdown to that please. I don't think I'd ever retire fully if I could get a decent wage for a 3 day week. Sweet!

I was able to do a 4 day week for a year after the baba was born. Loved it... but to be honest, I consider that full time. It was 36 hours a week. Very nice to have evey weekend as a 3 day weekend though. I do shift work as well occasionally, 3 x 12 hour days(or nights). Again, that's full time, but very antisocial really and messes up the body clock something dreadful.

Anyway, work is great and all, but both myself and husband have always said we would love to be able to get the same wage for less hours. How awesome would that be!

username123

Ive no children and dont want any and if there was a way that I could work part time for the rest of my life - Id definitely take it!

I only work to get money! If I had enough money to maintain a lifestyle I was happy with, no way would I work full time!

Malari

Hah! I was going to say something similar to the last two posters I'm not having children but I work as much as I need to in order to have the lifestyle I want. Work to live, not the other way around. I work hard and effectively but if I could do the same in 3 days with the same salary, perfect!

meeeeh

I like to work and would have no desire to go part time without kids. I was lousy student because I always prefered to work. But I also much prefer working in the familiy business than being employed somewhere else. Anyway having small kids at home is no holiday, it's hard work, whoever has some sort of yummy mummy idea in their head forget about it, I'm sure it is a myth unless you have also a nanny or they are in some other form of childcare.

lazygal

I'm back working fulltime and due my second child. I like being back at work more than I thought. My job has a certain amount of flexibility and me and my husband worked out a system which means our child isn't in at a minder early and staying late. I thought I'd like to stay home fulltime but after a week or so back at work I realised how nice it is to have adult company and use my work skills.

I'll probably end up working fulltime for the most part and taking unpaid leave during summer holidays, which luckily is an option in my job. My husband earns substantially more than I do so if one of us was to stay home it would be me.

kat.mac

lazygal wrote: »

...I realised how nice it is to have adult company and use my work skills.

My mum has drummed ^this^ into each of her daughters. She left her career to raise us, it's one of her biggest regrets. As a teacher, she could have balanced work and us (albeit with a lot of effort and energy) better than someone in a different job, given the hours and holidays. She loved raising us, and we all appreciate the sacrifices she made to do so, but feels she might have been a happier person all round if she'd held onto her career also.

lazygal

I got that drilled into me too. My mum always worked, as did my husband's mother. I mentioned in passing that I was thinking about staying at home rather than going back to work while still on maternity leave and she told me to go back before I even thought about giving up. I might also consider a career break (very lucky to have the option in my job) for a couple of years but now I'm back I can't see myself leaving the workforce entirely.

kat.mac

lazygal wrote: »

I might also consider a career break (very lucky to have the option in my job) for a couple of years but now I'm back I can't see myself leaving the workforce entirely.

A super option to have available - I'm not even a parent yet but I do think that employers as a whole group really, really need to start revising their attitudes towards their workers' families. The negative attitude towards maternity leave is an example of this - employers (not all, but a lot) seem to begrudge the fact that their employees are actual human beings, not just units of labour.

No. I was the typical career woman before I had a child in my mid thirties. I was on a very good salary in a managerial role.
Since becoming a mother, living through serious illness and a bereavement, my entire perspective on life has changed.
I want to bring up my child myself and not pay someone else to do it. I realise that might be offensive to some people but none is intended. It is what I want to do for my child, once he goes to school I can look for part time work.

My mother in law stayed home and raised four children. Once the youngest went to college she started a degree herself and is now in paid employment for the first time in her life.

My son will be gone to school before I know it, before I'm 40. His formative years are too important to me to work full time. My epitaph won't read that I was a fantastic worker, for me there are far more important things in life.

Being at home is not always easy but I chose to have a family and you take the rough with the smooth.

Fizzlesque

Malari wrote: »

Hah! I was going to say something similar to the last two posters I'm not having children but I work as much as I need to in order to have the lifestyle I want. Work to live, not the other way around. I work hard and effectively but if I could do the same in 3 days with the same salary, perfect!

I was just about to post the same thing as yourself and Username - I have no dependents and I only want to work part time. I've only wanted to work part time from the beginning of my working life, 25 years ago. I've worked in a lot of jobs; some full time, and then all the variants of not full time: four days, three days, two days, even some one day a week jobs, here and there. Mostly full time, though.

I've always hated full time work, and have been called lazy more times than I care to remember by my stepmother, but I don't care to have more money if all my time has to be spent sitting at the same desk, doing the same thing, all day every day, for five days a week.

From my very first full time job, I've thought this is not for me. Not full time. I don't have a career, I've done lots of different jobs, but office based stuff is the most prominent, and it's a means to an end, with some happy social stuff thrown in too, most of the time. There have been two jobs in my life that I really loved, and one of them finished last August, after 8 years, due to things being the way they are these days, and that was whittled from full time (5 years) to three days (1.5 yrs) to 2 days (1.5 yrs) to none. It allowed me to see how much my happiness levels are altered by how many days a week I work. 3 is perfect, 4 is nothing to do a jig about, but it's better than 5, which is just annoying, to me.

I'm currently working full time, covering maternity leave, so it has a shelf life, which, makes all the difference in the world. I want to find part time work when it finishes. I'm planning on making a concerted effort to write, and won't be lolling about in bed all day, but I like to have time to do things slowly sometimes, not have to be hectic and dashing about in a spin all the time.

beks101

I never really considered NOT working full-time as an option tbh.

My mum always worked and had/has a high-flying career and seemed to balance that with the motherhood stuff fairly well. She reached a point in her career where she was her own manager, so even though the late nights and long hours were always there, she had a bit of leeway in taking mornings off to take us to school, taking afternoons off to drive us around/collect us etc.

What I do think will have to come into play if I ever have kids though is a career change, as what I do now is probably the most stressful, time consuming, hectic and unpredictable job there is, in an industry that distinctly lacks any security. At the moment I only have myself to support and there are times when that can be hard, not just financially but emotionally, mentally, physically! I remember looking around one day and realizing that more than half of my female colleagues above the age of 40 don't have families, have never been married etc - most likely because, as one of my colleagues said once - "my job is my husband".

Depressing..:mad:

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

meeeeh

I don't feel sorry for people who have to work full time. You prioritise, if owning a house, a car and disposable income are important then you have to compromise and work. I feel sorry for people who work in jobs that they hate even if it is just part time. But if you like your job, even if it is a bit taxing sometimes, then I don't know what's the problem.

CathyMoran

Infortunatly I work full time - I have some health issues and I was medicallyadvised to work than be a full time mother to my two. In an idea world I would love it if my husband was full time carer, we both work but he does more than most.

IvyTheTerrible

God, I would LOVE to work full time. I am a stay-at-home mother and while I love my son and I love looking after him, it's not by choice. I'm finding it very difficult looking for work. Actually no, impossible. Unemployment is at more than 20% in the city I live in. The jobs I'm qualified for, the competition is brutal. I can't get work that requires lower qualifications cos I'm over qualified. I can't get part time work because I have no family nearby that can mind the baby (creche places are like gold dust, you can't get on the waiting list unless you have a job). Now I'm looking into working from home, only solution I feel.

LittleBook

Fizzlesque wrote: »

It allowed me to see how much my happiness levels are altered by how many days a week I work. 3 is perfect, 4 is nothing to do a jig about, but it's better than 5, which is just annoying, to me.

You got me wondering WHY is 5 days a week considered "full-time", why isn't it a 4 day work week, 3 day weekend?

Well, it seems it's thanks to religion that we have any kind of weekend!

Workweek and weekend

In cultures with a six-day work week, the day of rest derives from the main religious tradition: Sunday (Christian), Saturday (Jewish), or Friday (Muslim).

The first five-day work week in America was instituted by a New England cotton mill to afford Jewish workers the ability to adhere to their own religious Sabbath.

In 1926 Henry Ford began shutting down his automotive factories for all of Saturday and Sunday. In 1929 the Amalgamated Clothing Workers of America was the first union to demand a five-day work week and receive it. After that, the rest of the United States slowly followed, but it was not until 1940 that the two-day weekend began nationwide.

The New Economics Foundation [a UK think tank] has recommended moving to a 21 hour standard work week to address problems with unemployment, high carbon emissions, low well-being, entrenched inequalities, overworking, family care, and the general lack of free time.

Sigh, makes perfect sense to me. It's difficult to find a work/life balance when the standard is so imbalanced.

miezekatze

I don't have kids, but I think that if I did, ideally I wouldn't really want to work full-time again until the kids start school. It's probably not realistic though, I don't think we'd have enough money and the company I work for doesn't offer any part-time options anyway. I don't think women are expected to give up work once they have children these days, most people I know that had kids were back to working full-time fairly quickly afterwards.

I agree with what some people here said about working only 3 or 4 days a week. I like working and I think I have a good work ethic, but I do wish I had more free time. If I had an option to only work 3 or 4 days and earn a similar wage, I'd go for it.

herisson

If I do have kids when i am older, i would hope to be working full time, when they start school. Im sure i would cut back on hours when they were younger but after that i would prefer working full time.

The idea of being a stay at home mother does not appeal to me at all. Im not saying there is anything wrong with it but to me i would not be able to stay at home all the time.

I dont plan on having kids but maybe i will change my mind in a few years time, who knows.

ILikeFriday

I would hope to work full-time. This is for two reasons. Firstly, assuming my career was going well and I was enjoying it, I am the sort of person who would like to put a lot of time into furthering it. While I wouldn't say that I'd live to work, I do get a certain enjoyment from working hard if I'm happy in the job.

Secondly, one thing that was always drilled into me growing up was to maintain my financial independence. I don't know how effectively I could do that working part-time. It would depend on my income.

Lola92

My mother always worked full time, she job shared for a short time but that was due to reduced hours at work rather than choice. She was in a fairly high powered managerial role in a multinational with five young kids and always instilled in us the importance of education in order to get a good job. I think she managed the two roles of professional and parent very well, and if I could do half as well as she has then I would be happy.

I am a mum to a toddler. I had her quite young and when she was 9 months old I was lucky to be able to return to full time education, with the support of my family and oh. Last summer I worked full time from necessity in order to be able to afford the next years college fees, this summer I need to do the same but so far I haven't secured a full time job. The area I am studying in is quite low paid, it was not my first choice but it has scope for other postgraduate options which interest me. Without any additional quals it would allow me to work full time or part time, and in the right job I could have the summer off, albeit unpaid.

I want to have more children, but this won't be a possibility until I qualify and hopefully find employment in Ireland. As my partner is also in a low income job and with significant financial responsibilities I don't think either if us staying home full time could be an option financially, although with more children working fulltime may not be an option due to the cost of childcare.

V123

I think probably the main reason why it is the woman, that tends to either stay at home or go part time is because in my experience it is usually the woman that takes on a lot of the household duties. Friends of mine where both are working with children or no children, do their partners washing, cleaning, ironing, cook dinner etc. I know this is not the case for some people, some husbands are great with that type of thing but in general the couples that I know, mainly it is the women who takes the majority of these responsibilities.

Working full time, maintaining the house and raising children can be too much for one person and lead to burnout and I think people just want to be with their children. I am picky about who I leave my child with - I just don't think people look after your child to the standard that you would yourself.

meeeeh

V123 wrote: »

I think probably the main reason why it is the woman, that tends to either stay at home or go part time is because in my experience it is usually the woman that takes on a lot of the household duties. Friends of mine where both are working with children or no children, do their partners washing, cleaning, ironing, cook dinner etc. I know this is not the case for some people, some husbands are great with that type of thing but in general the couples that I know, mainly it is the women who takes the majority of these responsibilities.

Working full time, maintaining the house and raising children can be too much for one person and lead to burnout and I think people just want to be with their children. I am picky about who I leave my child with - I just don't think people look after your child to the standard that you would yourself.

I do almost all of the cleaning and other household work. I don't do DIY or gardening. This week my partner worked till eight or nine in the evening and on Saturday I went with the kids out for a day so he could sort out our daughter's
room. On Sunday the day was spent finishing the room, going to work for couple of hours and relaxing after six. This was nothing out of the ordinary.

I have no problem admiring that I would go mental with kids 24/7 and somebody else minding them too is better for them.

MissFlitworth

I'm fanatical about being financially independent, have seen a couple of ladies in my family in a pretty tight spot in their 50s because a marriage broke up & they'd been at home with their kids or working part time and didn't have their own income to rely on. I know many, many women work part time and don't have this happen to them but I am happier and more relaxed knowing that I am financially responsible for myself and not dependent on another person's income. I also don't want to dip out of the working world for long periods of time because this could potentially take a hammer to my opportunities to progress. I really enjoy working too However - I'd like to think I'll be able to progress far enough in my career to potentially work my own hours in the future. Or win the lotto and only work when the whim takes me.

V123

that's great and whatever works for each family works!

I just think with full time work, then getting the house done and spending time with the children, its like people are in a rat race from one week to the next. when working full time without children, it can even be hard to get time off for the doctor or to go to the bank. Some jobs are just not that flexible. in my opinion it is easier on all of the family if one works part time or stays at home so that life isn't just a rush of things to do and you can stop and smell the roses sometimes!

I also have no problem admitting that it is hard to stay at home with children but it is more fulfilling for me personally than working and I think that is just different peoples preferences and some people are very career driven but I do feel that there is a stigma and a view that a stay at home mother is lazy or taking the easy option when I don't feel that this is the case.

in terms of childminding, I know there are some great ones - but I just mean for example even when my mam is minding my daughter she gives her chochlate and even though I said not to, she says 'that's just what grannys do" haha you know what I mean though where even though you have ideas about the service you are getting in a crèche for example it might not be what you think - I did just watched that doc the other night about the links so I suppose that's still fresh in my mind!

daenerysstormborn3

I currently work full-time and my boyfriend is a student. He recently completed his degree and is signed up to do his honours degree starting in September. My boyfriend is 11 years older than me. We're getting married in August.

Our plan is that we are going to hold off on kids until we have done some travelling and he has obtained employment either here or abroad and my intention is to give up working when we have a child until our child is of school-going age. While I am out of work, I will probably undertake a night course so that when I return to work I have some form of up-to-date qualification to my name. Of course, this is in the ideal world. This has always been my intention for many reasons, the main one being that I do not want to have a child and have someone else raise him/her, whether they be a family member or a childcare worker. The reason why giving up work will ideally not fall to my boyfriend is because at that stage he'll have been unemployed for a number of years while studying and he'll have spent a number of years obtaining good qualifications so he'll want to get out into the market and make the most of his qualifications. I think it is the most logical thing to do. My boyfriend has also toyed with the idea of setting up his own business (he has previously been self-employed twice so he knows what's involved) and in those circumstances I may return to work and he may look after our child while working from home. At the moment we have a few options open, all in the ideal world

V123

I hope that will work out for you pixiebean22. you are supporting your boyfriend through his studies and im sure he will be supportive of your decisions when the time comes too!

I know that a lot of women don't want to give up their financial independence and yes MsFlithworth you are very right there are many ladies in a pretty tight spot in their 50s because a marriage broke up and that is a very good point however i don't want to spend the best time of my life doing something that i don't want to do because im planning on a divorce in later life. Hopefully that wont happen in my case and if it did then that is something that i would have to deal with but i am happily married now and want to enjoy that time with my family.

I think everyone has different ideals and lifestyle choices and unfortunately not everyone has the choice not to work even if they don't want to. I think you just have to pick the best option in your situation and do your best with what you have.

If someone loves working and that fulfils them then i think it is great and i don't think anyone should feel guilty about this but i also don't feel that women should feel guilty for working part time or staying at home either. I think if the parents are happy then the children will be happy.

MissFlitworth

V123 wrote: »

If someone loves working and that fulfils them then i think it is great and i don't think anyone should feel guilty about this but i also don't feel that women should feel guilty for working part time or staying at home either. I think if the parents are happy then the children will be happy.

Yep, absolutely. I'm of the opinion that people should be left alone to do whatever makes them happy without anyone cocking a snoot at them for it. Whether that's being a stay at home parent or someone who works full time and uses childcare (or someone who doesn't have children at all). I, personally, wouldn't want to be a stay at home parent & ideally will always work to support myself (and by extension my partner & family). I also wouldn't want to work part time in general unless I was on crazy money that meant I wouldn't have a dip in lifestyle. All in all feeling guilty about the way you live is a waste of time and a roadblock along the way of the actual important thing - ie being happy. So raspberries to anyone who thinks 'their' way is the only one

pampootie

I wonder how much our own attitude towards this is coloured by what our own parents did. Personally I would like to work part time initially and move to fulltime when kids get to school age, which is exactly what my mum did. Practically though my oh is training to be a teacher so with the job market etc it's far more likely that I would work fulltime and he would have less hours.
It's interesting op, it's actually something I never thought about before! Not something I would worry too much about until it happens though, sure anything could happen in the meantime!

username123

pampootie wrote: »

I wonder how much our own attitude towards this is coloured by what our own parents did.

My mother gave up work when she got married, she thought education was for doctors sons.

When I announced the fact that Id gotten the place I wanted through CAO, she asked me would I not go full time in my supermarket job instead.

So in my case - no - I have done the complete opposite of what my parents did.

Circumstance conspire to come between us and the life we would like to have, no one goes in to marriage thinking it wont work out, or that their partner will get cancer and never be able to work again and so on. Its always best to keep your options open. Even in the happiest of marriages financial dependants can change the dynamics of a relationship, woman can othen lose confidence in themselves if they are out of the workforce for a long time, so the theory of staying at home while they are small and then going back to work is fine it sometimes does not work out like that.

I do think working 3/4 time or compressed houris if your children are small, is a way you can APPEAR to be in work and at home more that you are, rightly or wrongly part time is see as only partly interested for example where I work job sharing is not allowed in management.

Another thing that is often over looked is that their is often more flexibility in management that there is in Junior roles for example I met a mother at my nieces nativity play one year who said she had signed her self out for a meeting to got to the paly( and could do this because she was more or less her own boss), Junior people do not usuly get such flexibility.

If you can stay at home with them while they are very small I think thats great as long as you have a clearly defined plan for you self in the future.

MissFlitworth

pampootie wrote: »

I wonder how much our own attitude towards this is coloured by what our own parents did.

Heavily in my case, when my parent's marriage ended my Mam (and by extension myself & my siblings) was left in a really bad situation financially which still affects her. Borderline poverty wasn't the greatest craic I ever had & even if I wasn't driven by genuinely enjoying work I'd still be uncomfortable not bringing an income my (or my families) life.

Well my thinking is influenced by my first marriage ending, because I had a good job when it happened ( which was more by accident that design, thanks to the Celtic tiger as well ) I had a lot more choices than many people in the same position, it made me really think about how vulnerable you can be if you do no have your own money and I also realised what a gift having a supportive family is. I cant imagine what it would be like if your marriage ends and you have noting but social welfare to support yourself and your children with, and you don't have family that you can rely on.

LegacyUser

I know woman who are single, married, have children or don't have children.
In regards to a working life what works for one person may not work for another person.
Over the past 10 years some of my friends have had children. Some of them became stay at home parents and one of the them changed jobs due to better working hours.
Also one of my single friends is currently unemployed and looking for part time or full time work and she told me it is hard to get an interview at the moment.

I know that every family/person is different and most people make the best of the situation they find themselves in. Some times plans don't always work out. I think that in regards to work/career you have to consider your own particular circumstances in deciding if you work full time/part time or give up working outside the home for a few years if your children are small.

Conor Bourke

pampootie wrote: »

I wonder how much our own attitude towards this is coloured by what our own parents did.

My Mam went back to work after I was born but then left for good about 3 years later after my brother arrived, and went on to have two more. As well as minding us was looking after her in-laws and had her own health issues to contend with. By the time we were all into second level education both Granny and Grandad had long passed away and mam thought about going back to work but for a number of reasons she chose not to and became a child-minder which was fine but I think it's a pity she didn't go back to something to get her out of the house a bit and keep her in touch with what's going on in the world. She's still minding the kids but on a much smaller scale and she runs a charity shop now which I think is doing her the world of good, even if it's unpaid. It's a valuable social outlet.

Looking at what my Mam went through makes me so appreciative of having a profession and working in an area I enjoy. I don't have kids so for the moment I'm happy enough to work full-time. Even if I never have children though, I still don't want to be doing what I'm doing in 10 years time, so I'm going back into post-grad education this September in the hopes that I can advance in my career to a job with greater flexibility and less unsocial hours. People keep telling me I'll have my hands full going back to uni and working full-time but sure it's a challenge :cool:

I also agree with the point that a few other posters made re: financial independence. I've been working since I was 15. I've paid my own way through college, I've moved around the country at the drop of a hat, jumped on planes to different cities, bought cars on a whim and I've only been able to do all that because I had my own money. The thought of not having any income of my own coming in or relying solely on someone else's income scares the bejaysus out of me.

Even if I won the lotto tomorrow I'd still work a few days a week, just to try and keep me half-ways normal

eviltwin

I worked full time until my eldest was 12. I found it really hard, add in commuting time and we only had a few hours at home before we had to go to bed to start the whole thing up again. Weekends were a rush of doing jobs around the house, getting shopping in, washing done and trying to find family time. At the time it was just what we did but since having my youngest 3 years ago and spending two years as a stay at home parent and then going back part time I know our quality of life in those years wasn't great. Some people are fantastic at making it work, I wasn't one of them.

Now I have a lot more time for my kids and for me as well, I can finally do things like read a book, go for a run or a walk, I can meet friends for lunch and not have to rush off after 40 minutes, I can watch tv....if I go back full time family life will suffer but I think I would miss the things I do for myself more.

Money is a lot tighter but overall I am a much happier person than I have been in a long long time as is everyone else and I think that's what its all about really.

username123

eviltwin wrote: »

Money is a lot tighter but overall I am a much happier person than I have been in a long long time as is everyone else and I think that's what its all about really.

When I look back at my life, my happiest times were during periods of low income due to redundancy or whatever. Myself and my husband fondly remember one point where we both had overlapping redundancies and were off at the same time for about 6 months. We had no money, but we had a lot of romantic walks and time to read and watch movies etc...

Pawwed Rig

mariaalice wrote: »

They are all very good points, but what I am looking at are broader subtle cultural expections and also almost unconscious beliefs that shape behaviour, for example I know middle aged woman who no longer have child care responsibilities yet dint go back to full time work because they are enjoying life as it is and never had the expectation of working more that 3/4 time after they had children. I know this not true for all women. I would say if you looked at it closely its is mostly women who have careers where you have compressed hours such as nursing or careers when they are long holidays such as teaching or women who have there own business that work full time.( unless they have no choice )

It is the way our society in structured in that women are considered the minders whereas men are seen as the workers. In my situation, for example, if I had a child it would make the most sense for us, for me to take the time off and mind the child rather than my wife (which I would love to do) but unfortunately that option is not available whereas she will automatically get the first 6 months of the babies life without having to work. Were I to give up work to rear the children it would be a case of both of us at home for the 6 months rather than 1 of us. From a societal perspective that could not work as the drain on the workforce would be too much.
On your point of people deciding not to work while their partner does? If there are no reasons medically etc and the kids are grown then Imho that is pure selfishness on their part in that they believe their time is more important than their partner.

meeeeh

In a way nature can't be denied. Men are not biologically built to be primal carers to newborns. I think there should be an option for fathers to take paternity leave but it would be naive to expect 50/50 split. I'm not great fan of formula (at least for newborns) but it does offer bigger flexibility in the terms of who can be primal carer.

My mom worked when we were young but working hours would be different. She was an office worker and would start at 6 and work till 2pm. Those hours later change to 7 to 3. I hate early morning but there is no denying that they offer more family time. Later on she started work from home in family business and it was great in one way and complete mess in another. She would be at home when we came from school but she would be busy for the whole day. It got so bad, she wasn't able even to prepare food or do any work (my mum is hard worker but not the most efficient one anyway) so my parents actually got someone in to do some housekeeping and cooking every work day. It was still a mess and I hated it and would easily live of sandwiches just not to have other people around. So yes like my parents I mostly worked in family business but unlike them I have no intention of working from home, I also hated the amount of people that would be around our house. As I said I like working, full time or whatever, but never ever do I want to work from home or have anybody else in the house. In a way I'm in a similar position but our life is still miles away from what it was when I was growing up. (MY brother is taking over the business and his feelings are similar to mine.)

V123

Pawedpig in your situation, if your wife took the first 6 months maternity and then your job allowed you to take 18 weeks unpaid parental leave, then when that finished your wife might be able to take her 18 weeks parental leave - at least it gives a good year and half with either one of you at home before deciding for the long term choice!

Pawwed Rig

V123 wrote: »

Pawedpig

I hope that was unintentional:D

V123 wrote: »

in your situation, if your wife took the first 6 months maternity and then your job allowed you to take 18 weeks unpaid parental leave, then when that finished your wife might be able to take her 18 weeks parental leave - at least it gives a good year and half with either one of you at home before deciding for the long term choice!

Unfortunately there is no way any job in my industry would allow 18 weeks off. My point is that it would suit us for me to be the stay at home person but the current law does not allow that. I am not sure what the average recovery time is after giving birth but would have thought a fairer situation for couple would be to allocate the non recovery portion of the maternity leave as they saw fit. That would enable the girl to get back to work quicker (if that is best for them) without having the concern about child minding/abandonment issues.

WRT biological isn't there ways to provide breast milk without actually breast feeding? Thinking pumps etc here? If not it would be easy to stroll along to where my wife was working and get a baby fed a couple of times a day.