need practical advise to stop drinking so much

LegacyUser

hi all, now obviously from the title i have decided i am drinking too much.

im honestly not an alcoholic BUT i do have alcoholics in my family, i know what they are like and im not stupid enough to think that i would never end up like them.
i have seen the bad side to drink, i do not want to become an alcoholic, which is why i want to do something now before things get worse.

i'll explain my drinking, i do not go out very often, a few times a month, i meet up with friends regularly and when we do i will have a few drinks, nothing extravagant and i have never been the girl to get hammered when out and make a show of myself. in fact i probably drink less than my friends when we are out.
my problem really is at home, i love a glass or two of wine with dinner, then i will just continue on, finishing the bottle, maybe even starting another. this doesnt happen every night but most nights if im completely honest.
im quite capable of functioning in the morning and it has never impacted on my work or life the next day.

i do know it WILL become a problem though, i just know it.

is there anything, OTHER THAN AA, that i could try?
does anyone have any advise from their own experiences?
its really the drinking alone at home, i need to stop.
i would be far too embarrassed to go to my GP, and never would.

thanks.

TwoShedsJackson

The best, and probably only, thing that will work is willpower. If you're going to buy a bottle of wine, consciously decide not to do it. Then drink water, tea, whatever at home in the evening.

It is pure habit that has you drinking like that in the evenings at home. Not saying it's easy, it isn't really, but the only real way to cut down is to make a conscious effort to do so.

Bear in mind you don't have to stop completely, but current medical opinion is that a man should not drink more than about a bottle and a half of wine a week, and about a bottle a week for a woman.

bodice ripper

Decide on something lovely and extravagant that tou want to buy, and then consciously put wine money aside for it.

Chucky the tree

You drink nearly every night, you can't stop when you want to and you claim you are not an alcoholic? The old saying goes if it looks like a duck, quack likes a duck then it's a duck.

Colonel Panic

I think there's a difference between abusing alcohol and being an alcoholic. It's easy to fall into the habit of drinking every evening and sure, that can lead to dependence but they are not the same thing as a duck.

That said, the OP's going to have to break the habit and the suggestion of making the decision not to buy alcohol is the way to go. I've certainly been in the same position as the OP and it's doable. I still drink at home the odd time and maybe once or twice a month while out but I haven't been drunk in a long time. Having that tipsy feeling is much nicer than making a complete melon of yourself and wasting the next day with a hangover or the fear.

thebiggestjim

Hi,

I read you thread an felt compelled to offer my perspective.

An immediate relative of mine had a drinking problem for many years but thankfully he got help and quit. 17 years sober now. He now speaks and councils at AA. He told me over the past 10 years there has been a huge increase in women attending meetings. The main culprit was drinking a bottle of wine with dinner in the evening. It starts off as a glass of wine with a meal some evening during the week, then turns into a few evenings a week, then the entire bottle. Eventually without realising they are drinking at least a bottle of wine, usually more, nearly every day.
This form of drinking can easily catch up on someone because its justified as, its only a glass of wine with dinner, but can turn into much more over time. Excessive drinking can become a crutch (I need to wind down, I had a bad day). It is also progressive, meaning it will get worse without a serious effort to fix it.

My advice, no drinking at home alone. No bottles of wine with your evening meals. Don't have any in the house. If you are out for dinner with friends make a judgement call yourself, but that might be once or twice every two weeks which is less concerning.

Hope this helps.

username123

Take up some hobby that takes you out of the house in the evening, for a while anyway, it'll help break the habit.

LegacyUser

Chucky the tree wrote: »

You drink nearly every night, you can't stop when you want to and you claim you are not an alcoholic? The old saying goes if it looks like a duck, quack likes a duck then it's a duck.

No, I don't drink every night. Some evenings I do have 2 glasses & then no more. Other evenings I don't drink at all. But I see where you are coming from and that's why I'm trying to knock it in the head now before I get to the stage where I have to.

miamee

OP it might help to have a read of the Non Drinkers forum on here for people giving up, lots of people have had and are having the same experience.

dudara

It's very easy to fall into a pattern of drinking - it becomes a routine and something that you can do as easily as turning on the TV. A half bottle of wine is actually a lot of wine to consume in one go, nevermind a bottle.

I'd say one thing - don't buy alcohol at home for a week. Come back then and tell us how you feel not having had a drink for a week.

Diziet

It is remarkably easy to fall into daily drinking - a couple of glasses of wine rapidly adds up and a bottle a night is problematic territory to say the least.

The simplest method is to not keep alcohol at home (this is what we decided to do). Don't buy it, don't store it. This is a simple rule which requires little willpower once the alcohol is not there. Drinking with friends etc can stay, but at home drinking can not. It works very well.

daithi1970

..there's a good article in today's Irish Times about just this subject..

daithi

thefeatheredcat

trying to give up wrote: »

my problem really is at home, i love a glass or two of wine with dinner, then i will just continue on, finishing the bottle, maybe even starting another. this doesnt happen every night but most nights if im completely honest

Op do you live alone, or with friends/housemates/partner or spouse? After you've had dinner, do you plonk yourself in front of the tv and continue drinking, on your own or with others like housemates? Is it part of the social activity in the evening where you live, to interact with those in the house? Or is it because there's nothing else for you to do other than sit and have a few more glasses while you watch tv/clean up/relax/whatever?

You've developed a pattern of behaviour in probably what started as having a glass of wine with dinner to having a glass of wine with dinner and to hell with it I'll have another while I do X or something similar. All you need to do is break the pattern of behaviour.

Some great suggestions already made btw such as getting into hobbies and just simply not buying it or keeping it in the house.

But to do that you need to be very conscious about that you are buying wine on a regular basis, even as part of the shopping it's probably almost automatic to a point and you need to consciously address the act of picking up the bottle in the shop and buying it and stop yourself.

One of the more interesting things is that nobody in the shop is ever going to stop you; nobody is ever going to go over to you and say "oh hey, I see you buy that almost every day, is everything ok in life?" if anyone notices you are in that shop regularly and do buy alcohol regularly they might not notice because they see so many people or might notice but not pass comment or judgement or might notice and secretly think you have a problem. I only thought that one day when I was buying a regular purchase of alcohol, in the same shop, being served by the same staff a few days in a row and thought it odd that while I may be one out of hundreds of people that came and went through the doors, that despite looking troubled or perhaps in there too frequently, I was never stopped or questioned about why.

So WHY are you buying and drinking wine almost every night? What's missing that you've created this routine for yourself? What are you not doing with your time, energy and money that you could otherwise be doing in the evenings where instead you are with your wine?

You need to create a new routine by replacing wine with something like water with your dinner. You need to replace your wine based activity that follows after dinner with something else that makes better use of your time and helps you relax in a better way. I know we won't have this sunny weather forever, but if you can get out for a walk, you will get out of the environment in which you are drinking in for a while. While it would be better to have a complete change of environment that doesn't have the reminders of drinking, you can do a lot to improve the environment you're in. For example, if there are any empty bottles, have a clear out. If there's reminders like those mail shots with wine offers or anything like that, get rid of them. Clear out anything wine related to help you clear out the habit of wine drinking to allow for something better to come into your life that will replace the wine, whether that is a new hobby or interest, more time away from home doing activities or meeting people, furthering yourself in learning an instrument or something like that... let all that replace the wine and make it diverse. It probably would be no harm to take an evening where you have made a conscious choice and decision to stop drinking wine to clear out any empty bottles and bits and bring them to the bottle bank and throw out any leaflets and other stuff like that. Make a fresh start for yourself and your environment and for your life in changing it. And for the first few days, you need to keep yourself busy doing something, so you can look back and say " well I did X, Y and Z. And to think I could have experienced or done that all ages ago if I wasn't parked on the couch with my wine" so keep open for stuff to do and enjoy while you transform your behaviour.

But you still have the address the issue of why. Hobbies and expanding yourself can make the difference, but if there is a void left in whatever you got from having the wine, you might need to be more honest with yourself about how you feel and why you got to the point of having a glass of wine with dinner, to finishing the bottle and opening another.

Konata

I had a big problem with drinking on my own a few years ago. At the time I was battling depression and a half-bottle of vodka a few nights a week became my norm. What other posters here have said is true - the only true way to stop this habit is willpower.

What happened me was that people I knew found out I was doing this and I became to feel incredibly ashamed of my behaviour. This shame and guilt helped me gradually reduce the amount I was drinking as I began to question why I was really doing this.

It might be difficult at first but focus on gradual reductions rather than going cold turkey. If, at the moment, you drink that much wine 5 nights a week, try 4 nights a week next week. Then 3 nights a week, 2 nights a week etc. Also reduce the amount you're drinking each time. Aim to have a glass left in the bottle, then 2 glasses left, 3 glasses etc. Think about the money you're spending on wine every week - sit down and add it up. Then think about something you'd really like to buy and put the money you save by reducing your wine each week into a pot with the aim of treating yourself to something nice.

Don't beat yourself up if you slip up on your reduction plan. No path is ever without steps backwards. You just gotta learn from your slip up - where did you go wrong? Why did you drink more than you planned? Was there certain feelings/moods involved? Identifying your triggers will help you greatly the next time you feel close to slipping up.

It's not an impossible task by any accounts. Eventually the temptation to over drink won't even be there anymore. You just gotta be patient and believe in yourself. Good luck

ivytwine

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

One of the more interesting things is that nobody in the shop is ever going to stop you; nobody is ever going to go over to you and say "oh hey, I see you buy that almost every day, is everything ok in life?" if anyone notices you are in that shop regularly and do buy alcohol regularly they might not notice because they see so many people or might notice but not pass comment or judgement or might notice and secretly think you have a problem. I only thought that one day when I was buying a regular purchase of alcohol, in the same shop, being served by the same staff a few days in a row and thought it odd that while I may be one out of hundreds of people that came and went through the doors, that despite looking troubled or perhaps in there too frequently, I was never stopped or questioned about why.

Just on this, as thefeatheredcat says, no-one will stop you no matter how concerned they are. A close relation works in a supermarket and there is one customer who buys a lot of booze every day. He's quite young and herself and her colleagues are concerned about it; to the extent where they dread to see him coming and hope he's not buying more drink.

I also work in the betting industry and from day one you are told that the customer is the one who must recognise they have a problem not you. For example, in the supermarket scenario, imagine a cashier saying, oh, I see you're buying 3 bottles of wine, do you have a problem? I would probably be fired if I said it to a customer ("are you sure you should be spending that much, don't you have a mortgage to pay?"), no-one's angrier than someone in denial, they'd probably complain to head office instantly.

Moral of the story, as thefeatheredcat says, no-one will stop you buying booze. People do tend to turn the other way, whether out of self-preservation or whatever. This means it's down to you and your willpower to not go down this road.

username123

ivytwine wrote: »

Just on this, as thefeatheredcat says, no-one will stop you no matter how concerned they are.

Why would they? Staff in supermarkets, off licences and pubs do not have any right to question what someone is buying so long as they are buying it in legally available amounts.

Even if they were concerned as nice people, imagine someone saying to you at the counter "Im worried about how much booze you buy" - the customer would have them disciplined and possibly out of a job before you could blink for passing judgement. How embarrassing to find out that that guy who buys booze every night does so because he runs Anne Summers parties and provides a glass of wine for each attendee.

The point it - we never know what is going on in someone elses life and people have to be responsible for themselves. If going to the supermarket turned into a nanny state experience people would buy their booze on the black market.

If someone chooses to use alcohol in an unhealthy manner, its their choice, their responsibility and no one else should be responsible for stopping them only the person themselves. That doesnt mean that someone cant express concern - but it would be inappropriate for the supermarket worker to be the one to do so imo.

ivytwine

I totally agree with you username123. As I said in my post, if I said to a customer that they were gambling money they couldn't afford (and I KNOW they are, I can often tell when their dole/pay day is for example, that's the day they're handing you €50s) I would be fired.

I was just saying that staff in these places do notice, but it's more than their jobs worth to say anything. No-one will do this for her.

It's not anyone's responsibility but the OP's I'm afraid. Even close relations may not notice things are wrong; that's why she has to take matters in her own hands and give up drink completely for a while.

username123

ivytwine wrote: »

I was just saying that staff in these places do notice, but it's more than their jobs worth to say anything. No-one will do this for her.

Even if they did, the person would just move on to the next supermarket, off licence, pub, bookies etc..

My own father was an alcoholic and I used to pray the local pub would refuse to serve him. Eventually he got barred for some reason or other, he simply moved onto the next local pub. Barred from there, back to the first one. When he was so bad that barmen looked at him pityingly, he moved from one off licence to the next. Even Spar sells booze - its not difficult. An addict will find any way to feed the addiction no matter what.

highly1111

I think it's such an easy trap to fall into. Myself and my husband found ourselves falling into this trap a few years ago.

There is simply one solution. We don't keep wine in the house midweek anymore. If its not here we can't drink it. Even with the sales, bulk offers from supermarkets etc - it's no excuse. It's a little like crap food - if its not here I can't eat it.

also, get out in the evenings - visit mum, go for a swim, play a par 3 or hit a driving range. At the beginning when I'd fancy a glass of wine I'd go for a run instead (I started couch to 5k) and by the time I got home wine was the last thing I wanted - the endorphins I got from exercise completely replaced wine cravings.

LegacyUser

hi op here again, thanks so much for all your kind words, to be honest i was kind of afraid of posting in case i got abuse and told i was a raging alco.

its great to hear from people that fell into the same thing and its not just me!

feathered cat- i do live alone,im single, i have friends but they all live very far from me, i guess i know deep down that maybe i have been feeling a bit down lately, i have no right to be, i do have a great life really, my own house and a job i enjoy.
so yea, i guess its just replacing something im missing lately.

i do excercise, usually in the mornings.
this evening im going to check out classes at the gym and see if there is anything that i will enjoy.
i really want to stop this habit now before the winter and long dark evenings

Morag

Buy half bottles or start with putting the last glass in the bottle into an ice cube tray to cook with later.

Merkin

I think it's a very easy trap to fall into and one that is based around habits/patterns of behaviour. You might not necessarily be an alcoholic but you are abusing alcohol. While you're in that position you are lucky because if you address this situation NOW and nip it in the bud, you can in future enjoy alcohol without being dependent on it and being told by a doctor that you can never let it pass your lips again. I think that must be a sad situation for anyone who enjoys a nice glass or two of wine tbh.

Make a rule to yourself that you will only drink socially. I think it's a good rule as you won't be knocking back the wine at home on your own during the week and can go out and enjoy yourself and have a few at the weekends. I'm not then suggesting you go and get gee-bagged because you've felt deprived all week but it makes it a more sociable pursuit rather than a crutch to beat loneliness/boredom or whatever is making you over indulge in the first place.

The practical advice is to stop buying it. Don't have it in your house. If you normally stop off in Tesco on the way home every evening to buy a bottle, either go a different route every evening or do your shopping online so you can avoid temptation. If the booze is not physically there then you can't drink it. I would also maybe urge you to seek some medical advice. If you are drinking a bottle a night (people's tolerance differs) then going cold turkey all of a sudden is inadvisable, a GP will most likely advise you to cut down gradually and this should be done under medical supervision.

You will be fine. Well done on taking the first step to avoid this becoming a very serious problem.

The Bishop Basher

First thing I would say is that you’re not alone. There are so many people out there doing exactly what you are doing, difference is, they don’t recognize the problem so kudos to you for recognizing it and for being willing to do something. I know it’s a cliché but it really is the first step.

While you have been given a lot of good, practical advice here, the problem with any of the will power methods is that they require you to be locked into an ongoing battle between yourself and booze, and the ultimately the booze will win every time. It’s not your fault and it’s not a weakness. It is conditioning and highlights what a powerful effect alcohol has on all of us.

There are a number of approaches you can take here but probably the single most important thing you can do is to give up booze for a month, longer if you can. Find other interests and throw yourself at them. Very quickly you’ll start to really enjoy your life without alcohol. Saturday and Sunday mornings become a pleasure, you’ll be in better form, feeling healthier with more energy, tiredness that you think is normal will lift, others will notice a difference in your mood, your skin will be clearer, you’ll be more effective at work, the list is endless. Exercise is key at this time and even if you’re not into the gym or whatever, just get out for a 30 minute brisk walk every day. It really will make you feel good.

While off the drink for a month, I would really recommend you read “Kick the drink Easily” by Jason Vale. Don’t worry about the title too much. What the book will do for you is change your approach and the way in which you view alcohol. When the veil is lifted and you see it for what it really is (a highly addictive depressant drug) you will become a lot more cagey around it. This combined with your positive experience of being sober for a month really will change your whole thinking and approach and this will be far longer lasting than any will power method. You can go back drinking any time you like, and probably will, but it will be far more controlled and even if you slip up, you’ll have the tools to help yourself get back to where you want again. Point is though, it will be your own choice and not half as difficult as you may think.

Anyway, best of luck whatever you decide to do and well done for taking these steps.

banquo

If you're having trouble putting the bottle down, have a Dairy Milk or another bar of chocolate with a bottle of coke.

Many start to develop hypoglycemia after drinking, the body tenses up and wants more alcohol to relax, and that's part of what makes it harder to stop.

PrincessPreach

Chucky the tree wrote: »

You drink nearly every night, you can't stop when you want to and you claim you are not an alcoholic? The old saying goes if it looks like a duck, quack likes a duck then it's a duck.

Ok Doctor Obvious...how is that in any way helpful you ignorant moron

Ickle Magoo

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mikemac1

I used to drink a few beers most every night. Did 25 or so days in a row once.

Tesco sell different brands from small Irish & British producers so I'd try them out.

It's time to knock it on the head OP.

If you're coming home and live on your own and you'll be staring at the 4 walls then it's not surprising you drink.

You need to break the pattern of coming home and hanging around doing nothing. Tag rugby, sports, gym, classes, whatever.
It was gym and cycling and classes for me but you'll find something.

I don't think you're an alcoholic but I do think you need to set a little goal of 30 days without a drink.
You'll sleep so much better and your body will thank you for it.
At the end of the 30 days if you want to have a few drinks they hey, go for it. Some people get into an all or nothing mentality but I don't think that's you.

Just take a little break for now and find some new activity

Aced_Up

You may not be an alcoholic, but you may be a 'problem drinker'.

If when you do anything and it creates problems consistently, like you mentioned, then it's a problem.

I am not addicted to alcohol, but when I go out say once a month... I can't not binge. So end up hammered... Which usually means I wake up with a lost phone, spent too much or did something very embarrassing ... These to me are problems and the cause is drink.

So, I am a problem drinker. Not drank for 3 months now... And won't bother anymore.

---

Try JUST NOT DRINKING! If you can't do it, then you may very well be an alcoholic.

LegacyUser

OP have you considered joining a gym or taking up a sport?
This helped me give up the cigarettes. I know drink is a different issue but gym and sports will help you feel better about yourself and if you want to get up on a weekend morning and go to the gym instead.
Also, social activities in this country seem to revolve around going to the pub so maybe different social circle would help?

meeeeh

I think you need to stop drinking totally for a while because I think you are very close to an alcoholic if not an alcoholic. There is some very good advice here so I'll add couple of pointers for later when you start drinking again.

The glasses for wine used to be half the size and for whatever reason they became bigger. Much more elegant way to drink is to fill your glass only half way and that is also your one measure of wine. Someone once told me about a wine he was drinking: this wine is too good to get drunk with. So start pairing right wines with the food and maybe buy better quality ones. Enjoy it with the meal and then stop. If you are single or cooking for one you should have a bottle of wine long enough to have to use some for cooking because it will be going off. In my family we drank wine almost every day but we had only one 0.1l glass of wine (each) and maybe on Sundays when meal was a bit longer or we went somewhere we had a bit more. I was about 15 when I started drinking wine with the meal on Sundays but wine was never considered anything but part of a meal. I must have been well in my twenties when I got drunk with wine for the first time. What I'm trying to say is that your attitude to wine has to change. Wine works best with food and those wines that people enjoy drinking on their own (Pinot grigios, some roses...) are usually crap. And why would you drink a lot of bad stuff when you can have less of a good thing.