Is this all he wants?

LegacyUser

Hi all I just want some prospective on this. Basically a couple of months ago I met a guy in the bar, we got talking and kissed, we have basically kissed a few times since then and he has stayed over. He's recently out of a long term relationship, he was engaged. He texts me a good bit during the week, the texts aren't all sexual related but he never mentions going on dates or anything, so basically he isn't that into me? I know he's only recently out of a relationship but if he genuinely liked me would he be asking me on dates?

ibarelycare

If you want to go on a date with him, why don't you ask him? At least then, whatever the answer is, you'll know where you stand.

Merkin

notsure23 wrote: »

Hi all I just want some prospective on this. Basically a couple of months ago I met a guy in the bar, we got talking and kissed, we have basically kissed a few times since then and he has stayed over. He's recently out of a long term relationship, he was engaged. He texts me a good bit during the week, the texts aren't all sexual related but he never mentions going on dates or anything, so basically he isn't that into me? I know he's only recently out of a relationship but if he genuinely liked me would he be asking me on dates?

Yes, if he was interested he would be asking you out.

So if he doesn't/hasn't asked you out and yet you are meeting up and him staying over how do these hook ups materialise? Does he booty call you after being out on the town or what happens?

My instinct would be to say this is going nowhere. You met him in a bar a couple of months ago and yet he hasn't asked you out. A couple of holding texts between hooks up wouldn't really cut it for me but it depends what you're looking for out of this.

LegacyUser

Well we would normally meet in the bar, he would text me asking what my plans were for the weekend during the week and usually we would meet there and head back to mine after. It's a weird one though because he seems to take a interest in my life and remembers things. I'm actually too afraid to ask him out or even ask him if this is going anywhere.

LegacyUser

I would agree with the other posts here. This guy is out of a long term relationship and a broken engagement. He met you a few months ago and since then you have hooked up when he wants.
I have known men like this in the past. I was in your position a few times thinking if I was there eventually he would ask me out.
One man I had hooked up with a few time over a period of 6 months. I knew he had a major social event coming up which I was sure he would ask me to.
I heard from a mutual friend that he had asked another woman to this. He expected her to sleep with him that night and she told him to get lost.

At this stage you need to decide if you are hook up girl or date girl.
If you want to go out with him as part of a couple ask him out and you will know then the way he sees you.

I would advise you to walk away from him if he does not want a relationship as you deserve better than waiting for him to change his mind.

Meauldsegosha

If you want to go on a date why don't you ask him. You don't even have to mention the word date just ask him if he fancies going for a drink.

If does appear at this stage you just have a sexual relationship if that's not want you want, move on.

LegacyUser

I don't want to come across as a bunny boiler because I did only meet him in March, but I might try to casually bring it up, I don't think he's just using me for sex though but my gut instinct tells me he doesn't want a relationship.

Chucky the tree

If he's just out of an engagement I'd be surprised if he wanted to get straight back into a relationship.

Emme

notsure23 wrote: »

I don't want to come across as a bunny boiler because I did only meet him in March, but I might try to casually bring it up, I don't think he's just using me for sex though but my gut instinct tells me he doesn't want a relationship.

What about you? Do you want a relationship? If so don't waste any more time with this man if he doesn't want a relationship. The only way to find out is to ask him. You should know after 3 months if a man wants a relationship. That's 3 months out of your life.

LegacyUser

Chucky the tree wrote: »

If he's just out of an engagement I'd be surprised if he wanted to get straight back into a relationship.

Thats what I'm thinking, he's told me he really likes me and I think he enjoys my company but he has given no indication of wanting a relationship. I feel like I should just cut contact with him before I start to fall for him because I could see myself falling for him and getting hurt. I'm not even sure if I want a relationship but even to be asked on a proper date would be nice.

ibarelycare

notsure23 wrote: »

Thats what I'm thinking, he's told me he really likes me and I think he enjoys my company but he has given no indication of wanting a relationship. I feel like I should just cut contact with him before I start to fall for him because I could see myself falling for him and getting hurt. I'm not even sure if I want a relationship but even to be asked on a proper date would be nice.

Maybe he feels the same, he'd like to be asked out too. Just because he's the guy it doesn't mean he has to do the asking. You're not going to know unless you go for it.

LegacyUser

If he's not bothering with you other than when he wants to. I'm afraid,op that he IS actually just using you for sex

Big Bag of Chips

Really????, Please have patience when posting unregistered. All unregistered posts need to be pre-approved by a moderator. The moderators are here on a voluntary basis, and someone might not be immediately available to approve your post. There is no need to post the same thing 6 times!

Once is enough... we'll get to it eventually.

LegacyUser

I think I should just say to him, look you are only quite recently out of a long term relationship I don't want to hold you back so I think we should just leave things. If he disagrees with this or makes an indication of wanting something more then I'll know, I don't want to come across and needy and desperate, I've only had sex with him once in 5 weeks for those who are saying he is using me for sex.

bama

obviously a difficult time for him and he obviously enjoys your company but it is important to find out where you stand. So if I were you I would try and get some idea of where this is going. Are you friends you fool around from time to time or is he afraid to take the next step. There is nothing worse than not knowing though!

ibarelycare

notsure23 wrote: »

I think I should just say to him, look you are only quite recently out of a long term relationship I don't want to hold you back so I think we should just leave things. If he disagrees with this or makes an indication of wanting something more then I'll know, I don't want to come across and needy and desperate, I've only had sex with him once in 5 weeks for those who are saying he is using me for sex.

Do you want to leave things? It doesn't sound like you do. Don't mess with his head or play games, it's very annoying. Just be straight up.

njs030

notsure23 wrote: »

I think I should just say to him, look you are only quite recently out of a long term relationship I don't want to hold you back so I think we should just leave things. If he disagrees with this or makes an indication of wanting something more then I'll know, I don't want to come across and needy and desperate, I've only had sex with him once in 5 weeks for those who are saying he is using me for sex.

Why would you say this? If you tell him you want to leave things then don't be surprised if he agrees.
As the other poster said that is playing games! How about simply asking him what he wants? It's not needy and desperate to ask him clearly what it is he's looking for.

Emme

It isn't needy and desperate to be upfront with the guy and ask him what he wants. It is needy and desperate to hang around waiting to see if he's going to ask you out while being afraid to ask him what his intentions are and letting him waste your time. Time you could use to find somebody who wants a serious relationship if that's what you want.

Cupcake_Crisis

Just ask him out straight op. You may not get the answer you want but at least you'll know where you stand with him.

LegacyUser

I don't want to play games but I'm not even sure if I want a relationship either but I'd like to know it could be going somewhere, I don't know how the phrase without it sounding like I want a relationship when I'm not sure if thats what I want! Sounds confusing I know, thanks for all responses