Is it my place to talk straight to a friend?

LegacyUser

I was dithering over whether this belongs in RI or PI but I figure that it is after all a relationship issue so here goes.

I've been friends with a girl for a few years now. She's lovely and sweet but has never moved away from home or had the life experiences that others may have.

My issue is that for the last couple of months it's gotten clearer and clearer that she has nothing to talk about bar herself. Absolutely every conversation is about her and her life, how she wants to lose weight but is unwilling to eat less or move more; how she wants a man (any man . . . yikes) etc etc, you get the picture.

The thing is that this has really started to grate on me and is severely affecting our friendship. I feel terrible because really, she's only being herself.

I remember years ago, a boyfriend pointed out to me that I always talked about myself. Me, Me, Me; and truthfully, even though I was mortified at the time, it's one of the best corrections I've ever had and it really helped me out.

Another issue is that she finds it difficult to keep anything to herself. I've told her some personal stuff and was absolutely horrified to hear it back from some of her friends.

So, I'm wondering. Should I just let this friendship fizzle out or should I have a candid chat with her about how she acts. I'm genuinely torn as I like her and I know she wants us to be friends but I just can't go on having the same circular conversations that revolve around her and her life. I can't shake the niggly feeling that it's not my place to say such things that may really upset her.

Has anyone any thoughts?

Thank you all.

sinead81

I have had this issue many times over my life, instead of saying anything I let things fizzle out, stop making the calls to her and see if she keeps calling you.... It's tough love!

judgefudge

If you have the courage I'd tell her how you feel. I mean you'll only lose her as a mate anyway if you say nothing so there's not really anything to lose here. And she might gain a little insight. I think if I was driving my mates nuts talking about myself all the time, I wouldn't necessarily want to hear it, but I'd need to hear it really. She might not take it well but you may as well try.

RossFixxxed

I was thinking maybe say something politely until: " I've told her some personal stuff and was absolutely horrified to hear it back from some of her friends." That is not the sign of a good friend. I would tell my friends personal stuff and I KNOW it's not being repeated around. That's kind of an important thing in a frienship.

Tell her to cop on or let it fizzle is up to you. Either way this "friend" is on the way out.

Head wrecker + untrustworthy = a no no.

If she can't take criticism (assuming it is polite and helpful) then also not going to work anyway.

Re-read your post, what would you tell me to do if I had written it?

Chucky the tree

Telling other people your private information would been the end for me. Not sure why you'd even want this person as a friend after that. Let it fizzle out and be delighted about it.

Emme

A friend indeed? wrote: »

Another issue is that she finds it difficult to keep anything to herself. I've told her some personal stuff and was absolutely horrified to hear it back from some of her friends.

I would let the "friendship" fizzle out and in future be more careful who you tell personal stuff.

Katgurl

I would talk to her. You said yourself somebody had a similar conversation with you once and you appreciated it.

However choose your topics carefully, it's only your place to talk about what is applicable to you.

So I'd say you were hurt she blabbed your personal business.
Then instead of saying "you only talk about yourself" I'd say "I feel we spend a lot of time talking about your stuff and you're not so interested in me"

It could backfire but if the friendship as it stands isn't working for you, then you dont have much to lose.

Fwiw I don't agree with cutting out a friend while she is completely unaware why.

JenEffy

Do you know the same girl I do? I've recently started letting a similar friendship fizzle out. My friend is exactly like the girl you've described, bar the part about being sheltered. My advise is to decrease contact with her and see if you actually miss her. If you don't you'll know you're doing the right thing.

LegacyUser

Thanks for making me look at this from several points of view. I am not one to be cruel and just let things fizzle out like that without her knowing why.

Thanks to this thread I have a plan on how I will approach the problem. I already know that she'll take it to heart no matter what way I broach the subject but I'm prepared for that and will hopefully get through it without too much drama.

I need to say it now as I find myself barely tolerating her company at the moment and that's not fair on her when she doesn't realise why.

And hey, worst case scenario is that she doesn't hear what I have to say and we go our seperate ways. I truly hope that doesn't happen though.