Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Feeling uncomfortable in my realationship.

  • 26-05-2013 5:35pm
    #1
    Ms. Pingui
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 581 ✭✭✭


    I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost a year. He is a lovely guy and he treats me really well, and I have absolutly no complaints about anything like that.
    The thing is that I am a lone parent. I have a little girl who is about to turn three. My daughters dad died when she was a baby and although the relationship was abusive and we were not together at the time of his death, I was devestated.

    My little one met my boyfriend a few months back and she seems to get on ok with him, obviously she is too young to understand the whole situation. She will play with him if he is around but in general she is quite indifferent to the whole thing.

    Basically my daughter is with me 24/7 so a lot of the time when I meet my boyfriend she is with me. When this happens I just can't relax! I can't be myself around him because I am too busy being mammy.
    The other thing is I don't know how comfortable I am with him taking on any sort "daddy" role. I know he is only doing it out of kindness, but even things like him pushing the buggy or buying her little gifts when we are out together make me squirm.
    At the same time, I would hate for him to ignore her but I don't know what the middle ground is.
    Recently he has been talking about us all going away for a weekend. I hate the thought of us acting like a family when we are not a family!

    It was my exes anniversary a week ago and I traveled up the country for the mass and stayed with his family. I think my feelings have gotten worse since I came home. I don't know why I can't be happy that my lovely boyfreind is willing to love AND my daughter. :(


Comments

  • #2
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Maybe as you are used to abusive relationships, you don't actually like / want a healthy one in which you are loved and supported?

    Have you had any counselling since the abusive ex? Sounds like you need some help dealing with the loss and a different type of relationship.


  • #3
    Ms. Pingui
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 581 ✭✭✭Ms. Pingui


    CaraMay wrote: »
    Maybe as you are used to abusive relationships, you don't actually like / want a healthy one in which you are loved and supported?

    Have you had any counselling since the abusive ex? Sounds like you need some help dealing with the loss and a different type of relationship.

    Thank you for your imput. That is certainly something to think about.

    I do go to counselling. It's just that I have so much stuff to talk through I haven't had time to talk about my new relationship. I will be starting specialised berevement counselling soon too!


  • #4
    Esoteric_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,255 ✭✭✭✭Esoteric_


    I know you have a lot to talk about in counselling, but I think it's imperative that you talk about your relationship as soon as you get a chance, because you don't want any potentially irrational feelings/thoughts wrecking what could be a really, really good part of you life, if only you let it be.

    For what it's worth, your boyfriend sounds like a gem. :)


  • #5
    Ms. Pingui
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 581 ✭✭✭Ms. Pingui


    Esoteric_ wrote: »
    I know you have a lot to talk about in counselling, but I think it's imperative that you talk about your relationship as soon as you get a chance, because you don't want any potentially irrational feelings/thoughts wrecking what could be a really, really good part of you life, if only you let it be.

    For what it's worth, your boyfriend sounds like a gem. :)

    He really is fantastic. There aren't too many 23 year old fellas willing to take on somebody elses child!
    I realise that this is my issue to work through and that he is doing his best.


  • #6
    Esoteric_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,255 ✭✭✭✭Esoteric_


    Ms. Pingui wrote: »
    He really is fantastic. There aren't too many 23 year old fellas willing to take on somebody elses child!
    I realise that this is my issue to work through and that he is doing his best.

    It might be your issue, but don't beat yourself up about it either. You've had a hell of a lot to cope with in your life and you're doing what's best for you and your child.


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    a posse ad esse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 136 ✭✭a posse ad esse


    Are you ready for a relationship now? Perhaps you need to deal with the grief and your personal issues and have a solid grounding before you bring someone into your life at the moment? It takes time to grieve and time to get over certain things. Just by hearing from your reaction towards this person sounds to me that you still haven't gotten over the past and this is not going to take overnight either. It is very important to discuss relationships with your therapist and see what she thinks. If she has been counselling you from the beginning she would be honest and give you the insight you need on this subject.

    I am happy though that he is trying and being nice especially to you and your daughter. Why not get a sitter on one of your dates and talk more more about this. Does he know about your past much?


Advertisement