Should I Tell Her?

LegacyUser

Recently I've become friends with this girl in my classes at university. I'm studying abroad next year, so we won't be in college together then, but we hang out with the same group of people so I'll be meeting her a bit over the summer, and keeping in touch with the girl and the rest of the group.

Also noticed I have feelings for her, so I would like some advice on this (female advice preferably).

If you were a 20-year old girl would you want a male friend to say "I like you".

Was thinking the next time I'm alone with her I could just say something along the lines of;

"There's something I've been meaning to say for a while. You know me, so I'm hoping you won't think any less of me. What I wanted to say is that I like you".

That's pretty much it, don't intend on saying anything more than that, just think she'd be better knowing than not.

If she doesn't feel the same way, I'll have no problem just being friends, I've stayed friends with girls before and kept in touch with them. I didn't tell anyone I liked them before, I just asked them out and got rejected, but I always develop feelings for someone else even if I stay friends with my last crush.

I'm not good at flirting at all, and I don't want to look like I'm trying too hard, trying to be someone I'm not etc, because I've met so many great people over the last 2 years just by being myself.

Thanks all

DonQuigleone

What I would do is rather then outright confess your feelings to her, instead ask her out on a date (though don't call it a date, just say "let's meet up!"). Do that one or two times and see if you can ramp things up.

If you're lucky, you can find yourself in the right kind of conversation to reveal your feelings to her. If you're not, then you can always just say "you know the way I'm going on exchange soon, well..." etc. etc.

And if she doesn't agree to hang out with you alone, she's probably not interested in you in the same way you are in her.

Paddy Cow

This is a very delicate situation and the romantics will tell you to go for it but be careful. Has she given you any inclination that she feels the same? If she sees you as a friend and you make it clear that you want more, she maybe embarrassed or afraid of hurting your feelings and distance yourself from you. You say you are studying abroad next year, so even if she feels the same you will have to go away relatively quickly into your relationship. Could you wait until you come back?

I had a guy who I was good friends with and as far as I was concerned, we were just friends. Turns out he wanted more and it effectively ruined our friendship. As much as I liked him, I didn't want to date him and it made it awkward between us because he felt rejected and everytime I met up with him I was paranoid that I was sending him mixed signals.

No one can really answer this question for you op. Only you can judge how you think this girl will react. I know that you say you would be fine with just being friends if she doesn't feel the same but once you say those words to her you can't take them back. I hope it works out for you.

DonQuigleone

Yes, this is why I'd recommend trying to meet up alone first. It provides a better opportunity to gauge her interest then when you're in a group.

I wouldn't let the fact you're going on exchange stop you. You may return home for Christmas, so it would be ~3-4 months you wouldn't be seeing her. Not that long in the scheme of things.

LegacyUser

Hi all, thanks for the advice, really appreciate it all .

I suppose the signs I've seen so far, were that in group situations she always talks to me more than the rest, and has winked at me in some facebook messages.

I've decided I'll ask her out, she's on holiday right now with a few friends but she's back thursday so I'll give her a call at the weekend, just say "there's this movie I was looking at, and was wondering if you'd like to go see it with me".

If she says yes, I'll be chuffed and perhaps ask her a few more times if it works out. If she says no, I'll be ok with just staying friends. Trust me I was mad about the last girl I fancied, and even though she found out (I didn't tell, but she knew the day I asked her out and got rejected), but we've stayed good friends since.

Ando's Saggy Bottom

I've seen lads do this a good few times and I've come to the conclusion that pouring your heart out like thus is a bad idea. It can be very out of the blue and intense and even if the girl is interested it puts her the spot and in a very awkward position.

Ask her out. Don't make a big deal of it. Just a trip to the cinema first, very casual. Give her the chance to get used to the idea of it being just the two if you. Then ask her if she'd like to do it again sometime. If there are feelings on both sides great, things will progress naturally into something more. If nothing happens you'll see that she just wants to be friends but there won't be awkwardness like there would be if you made a big deal of pouring your heart out. Better chance of retaining the friendship too if nothing happens which presumably youd want.

LegacyUser

Thanks again.

Bit of an update, I got around to calling the girl and she said she'd go see the movie with me on friday, just delighted .

May I ask how I should go about flirting? I really don't know how to do it successfully without looking creepy (especially because we started as just friends).

Also would it be ok to ask her on the second date while walking her home? I'm asking because I'd like to do it face-to-face the second time and mightn't get that chance if we both end up being asked to a group thing.

Paddy Cow

To be honest you come across as a confident, likeable guy who doesn't need any advice from us! Go with your instincts which have been spot on up to now. Good luck and I hope it works out for you both