Preparing no1 for a sibling. Advice need.

wolfpawnat

Okay mummies and daddies of boards, I am looking for suggestions, hopefully some of you can pass on some pearls of wisdom.

Little guy is 4 since Feb. Active and intelligent, quite a handful sometimes, but in all fairness a good kid, and he is starting school at the end of August/start of September .Baby no2 is due in July.

I want to make life as easy as possible for no1 as he is going from only child and grandchild in the family, to having to share attention, toys, etc. How can I make this as smooth as is humanly possible for him.

He has been so good about me taking out his old clothes and explaining they are going to be the baby's now. At first he wasn't sure, but then he realised they didn't fit so he didn't care then, the same with his old buggy. We are currently trying to get him from the cotbed into a large bed so we can convert it back into the baby style cot for no2. He still uses it, so going to convert it soon so he sees it's ready for baby. I plan on bringing him with me and getting him to choose the new sheets for the baby and making him part of the process.

He has a fairly good routine, bath twice a week, bed is always 8-ish (maybe a few min afterwards, but never much more than 15) we want to keep his routine as settled as possible as we want him to feel as though his world isn't 100% flipped on its head when the baby comes, that he can still know bed is X time, breakfast is Y time, dinner is Z time. You know, that some things haven't changed.

Now there is a problem with this. Nana does not believe in a set bed time and constantly calls me Hitler for taking no BS after a story is read and forcing him back into his room if he comes out. On the rare occasion she minds him, he is allowed up until 10 at night, which really screws with the routine our particular family has. She is minding our son alone while I am in hospital as she lives on the other side of the country. I am terrified she will screw up his routine intentionally meaning when he comes home, he will be back to zero tolerance of late nights and he will associate it with the baby and resent the baby for it. Now many on here will have read about my MIL, she is not a rational woman and will go out of her way to spite you on occasion! So sitting her down and saying she is making things harder on the children will not work.

The other thing is I plan to breastfeed. Now it may not go as planned, but it is the plan, how do I prepare my son that there will be times during the day that I cannot run and see the new thing he has built with his blocks or that snack he has decided he HAS to have right now will have to wait. I know I will have to prepare him for the feeding times when the baby gets into routine by offering him snacks before feeding, offering to sit beside him as he does a puzzle while I feed baby, etc, but what is a good way to say "I am feeding the baby now, please give me 10 minutes" without him thinking that the baby is my only concern, I don't want to pussyfoot around and make the baby second to him, but I remember how he took up so much of my time when he was born, that I don't want him thinking Mommy has a new baby and I mean nothing now either.

My partner will of course be around a lot at evenings and weekends hopefully (busy schedule) and we will take turns spending time with only our son so he sees we still love him and enjoy him and playing with him. But for the most part I will be alone dealing with the kids so I want to make the transition as easy as possible.

Sorry about the long post.

Gloomtastic!

Two tips from me.....

1. Buy Child No. 1 a big gift from Child No. 2
2. When you bring Child No. 2 home for the first time, have Child No. 1 come out to meet you at the car and help you carry Child No. 2 into the house.

Good luck and hope all goes well!!!

pwurple

Let him help with the newborn... give him jobs like fetching the nappies or picking out todays clothes. Bascially just involve him in it too.

stonemason9

always include num1 when you are talking about num 2 make sure he feels he is part of everything it will be hard for him to adapt to the change but as one texter said give him little jobs to do he will feel important .I have 4 kids ranging from 16 to 8 and 5 year old twins,
good luck hope everything goes ok for you.

lynski

This may not be for you but we found it great to know the gender of the baby on the way so that the sibling(s) had a clearer picture of the new sibling and when baby no 3 was on the way we got no1 and no2 to pick out a name for him which is now his middle name.

I cant imagine how anyone formula feeds a newborn as breastfeeding is so handy for multitasking, so I can only speak from experience of breastfeeding, you might find you can use a sling to make you more mobile, or be able to walk and nurse as many people do, you can use a cushion under the baby so you have 2 hands free, or at a minimum you have one free so you can do a lot. I remember dressing the oldest two for school while nursing the baby. You will be able to nurse anywhere too do at the table while he draws or on the floor while he builds lego. Take a casual approach to it and do not be afraid to use the tv if necessary, a show or 2 will do no harm to get you some space.
The 4 yr old will also be in school 6/7 weeks after baby arrives, so persevere, cuddly mornings with a small baby after he is gone to school will be only a few weeks away.

highly1111

He'll be absolutely fine. A well adjusted little fella by the sounds of things. Re the breastfeeding (or even bottle - he'll have to get used to it) just make sure he has everything he needs before you start a feed - so make sure he can reach his drink, has a little snack handy and if you need to pop the telly on - don't feel guilty! Set up a feeding area close to where he plays so you can chat and praise him whilst feeding. We got a little table and chair for our fella and it worked perfectly.

Secondly I used to tell our son constantly how he was mummy's big guy & he was so lucky he was a big boy because big boys can go on their bikes, eat yummy biccies, play out in the garden etc. And poor X - its so boring being a baby etc etc.

Finally - in relation to your MIL. I would do WHATEVER possible to ensure your husband is home for bedtime while you're in hospital. Firstly - mum and dad both vanish & come back with a baby. It's not fair. 2nd - if gives your hubby quality time with him (my hubby took our son to the zoo etc) while I was in hospital and finally it keeps his routine together.

also defo recommend present from baby. Oh and if your son visits you in hospital - try not to be holding the baby when he comes into the ward. I heard my son babbling away when he walked into the ward so I popped the baby into the little cot so I could open my arms and scoop him up.

Anyway, good luck!

2xj3hplqgsbkym

You can get a library book 'Theres going to be a baby' read it a few times. Talk to him about the baby but not all the time or he will be sick of it before it even gets here.

Don't worry so much about it, sometimes he is going to be jealous and some times he will completely forget baby is there but its great for him to learn about life and sharing.

How Strange

Our son is 28 months and our baby is 3 weeks old. It hasn't been as hard as we anticipated. We spoke about the baby beforehand; that it was in mammys tummy etc. your son is 2 years older so he'll be much more aware and better able to articulate his feelings. I think this is the main thing. If the child is too young to articulate their feelings they may act out in other ways.

We have tried very hard to keep our sons routine the same as before. Bedtime is the very same as are morning times. I think that reassured him that although a big change had happened his life was the same as before.

We haven't seen any signs of jealousy really. He's very affectionate with her. Sometimes he looks so sad, especially if visitors come and don't give him any attention, that my heart breaks for him.
I'm also breastfeeding so we can snuggle up on the sofa and read a book while feeding so he feels involved. I also got a wrap type sling which is fantastic as I can carry her and still have hands free for him.

Of course, get the present from the baby to him. Don't hold the baby the first time he meets her. Let someone else hold him/her or put him/her in the Moses basket/cot.

We tell him over and over how great, kind, gentle he is and how fantastic he is at helping. If he tries to kiss his sister we just say be gentle as she's very very small.

Good luck!

Hannibal Smith

First of all we bought a little present from then baby for the eldest. some one on here suggested it and it was a way of showing him the baby wasn't necessarily bad news

I included my eldest in everything, nappy changes, feesidig etc...we had a tummy tub for the baby to sit in for bath time and the eldest helped with that too.

He was in creche at the time because I was working...we toyed with the idea of taking him out but decided to leave him there to have something in his life that was the same and that was still all about him. I got to snuggle the baby and then made a huge fuss of the eldest when he came home.

Keep the night time routine as close to how t is now as possible. don't worry about what happens when you're in hospital...the routine is bound to be chucked into disarray but i wouldn't think it would be long enough to cause long term damage to it.

When things settle down leave the baby with dad...if only for an hour between feeds and take the eldest out by yourself. Just for maybe a juice and a cake...wherete two of you can sit and chit chat and he has your full attention for a bit.

Its hard..but once feeding settles it gets so much easier. The eldest may be a bit naughty or do something out of character...just try and give snuggles as much as possible because chances are they just miss having you both to himself.

Congratulations!

DM addict

Have to agree with Hannibal there - make time for the older one that is just you and him time - easier when the baby is a wee bit older. Just let him pick something he'd like to do - park, zoo, swimming etc - and make sure he gets plenty of one on one attention. It's tough when there's two but your little guy sounds like a great kid, sure he'll be looking forward to it.

I've found as well that talking about being a big brother/sister is a good idea - talk about other brothers/sisters you know - maybe yourself and aunts/uncles? - and how it can be a good thing.

Best of luck

Lisha

My guy was 2.5 yrs when second was due. So a bit younger than yours but ill share what I did anyway .
I spoke about the family getting a new baby. I never called it my new baby. I spoke about the places we would go as a family . If a baby was on tv I said oh look such a lovely baby they are so cute.
The tips from others above about presents are good also one on one time really helps. When baby asleep it was older guys cuddle time and play time .
Sonetimes when feeding you have to let older child sit with you too.
Best if luck op

CrazyRabbit

A lot of people will be asking about the new arrival...perhaps when number 1 is in earshot. In these cases, it's very important that you mention number 1 in the conversation. Mention how good he has been in helping etc. So long as he doesn't feel left out and is excited about the new brother/sister, he'll be fine.

aknitter

Re the MIL problem, I'm going to the CUMH to have my baby soon and I've been told that if all goes well I can be out baby and all in 24 hours. This could be a good option for you to a. not be away from the 4 year old too long and b. thwart your MIL.

Have a similar one myself but she behaved so badly at our wedding that my husband won't talk to her anymore - hate to say it but it makes life so much easier, does your hubby have your back and can you count on him to keep her in check with the 4 year old - like you I am a routine Nazi and will not tolerate bs at night.

January

Set up and area he can play close to you when you are breastfeeding, a jigsaw puzzle on the sofa beside you. Or story time. I used to snuggle Addie in beside me while breastfeeding Ellen and read a story with her (one hand free!). It made her feel more involved.

Aaaand if you ever want to take little man out alone for the day Aunty January will always be available to babysit the baby