Am i being too sensitive?

LegacyUser

Hey,

Ive been seeing this girl for 7/8 months now. She has said she loves me and vice versa, but little things keep happening that make me wonder about her. These little things are usually the same type of things, e.g, she was abroad for a work thing for a few days and not once did she ask me how i was, or the other day i had to go for a chiropractic session in the morning and i met her for lunch on the way home but she had to be prompted to ask how the session went. I would never not ask her how she was or how something went where as she seems to forget or something. Are these little red flags i should be taking heed of or am i just being silly. Its not like she doesnt show she cares and she does have a really hectic job and more often than not her mind is consumed by it where as im a bit the oppisite and have too much time to think and would be a bit sensitive anyway.
thanks

desbrook

sensitivedude wrote: »

Hey,

Ive been seeing this girl for 7/8 months now. She has said she loves me and vice versa, but little things keep happening that make me wonder about her. These little things are usually the same type of things, e.g, she was abroad for a work thing for a few days and not once did she ask me how i was, or the other day i had to go for a chiropractic session in the morning and i met her for lunch on the way home but she had to be prompted to ask how the session went. I would never not ask her how she was or how something went where as she seems to forget or something. Are these little red flags i should be taking heed of or am i just being silly. Its not like she doesnt show she cares and she does have a really hectic job and more often than not her mind is consumed by it where as im a bit the oppisite and have too much time to think and would be a bit sensitive anyway.
thanks

From what you write this "habit " of hers isn't something new - it's existed right from the start of the relationship . Therefore I don't think it's a sign she's lost interest. It's just her way .

That however does NOT mean that you don't have a right to be hurt or to find this behaviour offputting . If everthing else is pretty ok in the relationship then its worth talking about with her . Sensitively of course . See what happens , maybe she isn't aware of her self absorbtion . If there's no improvment it's unlikely to get any better in to the future so you'll have to decide if its a dealbreaker .

In short you need to talk - this won't get better by itself !

ElleEm

I would be inclined to say yes, you are being too sensitive.
Maybe she is of the thoughts that if you are not okay, you will tell her, but to get annoyed cos she didn't ask how you were when she was away? I think that's a bit much. And maybe she forgot that you had the chiropractic appointment, or she didn't think it was that serious.
You said yourself that she has a busy job, and you have more time, so maybe you have the time to mill over what she says/ does/ doesn't do.
The examples you gave would give me the impression that you're a bit needy. Maybe you should try to get a hobby or utilise your spare time doing something constructive.

I'd agree with ElleEm, she's not doing anything wrong.

You have different expectations than her, and if that bothers you it's worth talking about. But there's no right/wrong in the situation. Her not asking how you are doesn't mean she doesn't care about you, it just means that she doesn't feel the need to check up on you. If you want her to know how you are, tell her. I think it's unreasonable to expect her to ask you the particular questions you want to hear. For example with the chiropractor, if she knew you had been then there must have already been a conversation about it? Surely it's reasonable to expect that if the session contained anything out of the ordinary, you'd mention it?

LegacyUser

Ya i dunno. With regard to the chiropractic example, i have been to numerous physios etc with a back problem over the year and this was my first apt with this guy so surely some one who cares about u wud want to know how it went. I dont want to say anything about these things as dont want to come across needy. Will see how it evolves i spose

strobe

Yes, you're being way too sensitive, absolutely. Nothing you said suggests she doesn't care or could be considered 'red flags'. Listen man, really, you're just reading way too much into things, seriously.

You said yourself, 'it's not like she doesn't show she cares'... By your own words, she shows she cares. Just because she doesn't always show it in the certain specific ways you think she should doesn't negate the fact that she does.

It sounds like you're actively looking to find things which might suggest she doesn't care, due to insecurity, or trust issues, or whatever else. Maybe not consciously, but it certainly sounds like that's what you're doing. If you constantly look for something hard enough, you will find it every single time, whether it is actually there or not.