Are you easily offended?

Cody Pomeray

I've always thought most people enjoyed a bit of an argument from time to time. But I find that sometimes when you put arguments to a classmate/ work colleague, they can end up taking these arguments really personally. I can't understand why this is the case, obviously the argument is intended to oppose a stated opinion, not an individual's character.

I recently had an argument about the most trivial thing in the world, the "27 year old club", which I think is nothing more than a confirmation bias.

To my suprise, the person with whom I was arguing has taken the whole thing very personally, and colleagues have suggested I should think about apologizing to smoothe things over.
That's fine by me, my work relationships mean a lot more to me than the 27 year old club, I just can't understand why the person in question took the thing so personally. So my question to AH users is this...

Do you get offended easily? Do you take non-personal arguments personally? Why get offended about arguments that are directed at a specific point, and not your own character?

Discuss.

Cody Pomeray

Cody Pomeray wrote: »

I've always thought most people enjoyed a bit of an argument from time to time. But I find that sometimes when you put arguments to a classmate/ work colleague, they can end up taking these arguments really personally. I can't understand why this is the case, obviously the argument is intended to oppose a stated opinion, not an individual's character.

I recently had an argument about the most trivial thing in the world, the "27 year old club", which I think is nothing more than a confirmation bias.

To my suprise, the person with whom I was arguing has taken the whole thing very personally, and colleagues have suggested I should think about apologizing to smoothe things over.
That's fine by me, my work relationships mean a lot more to me than the 27 year old club, I just can't understand why the person in question took the thing so personally. So my question to AH users is this...

Do you get offended easily? Do you take non-personal arguments personally? Why get offended about arguments that are directed at a specific point, and not your own character?

Discuss.

NO! How dare you even ask! GTFO! :mad:

stefan idiot jones

I have got skin as thick as a Rhinos foreskin.

Grayson

generally don't care. There are a few things I do care about though . BUT I do like being right and although I'd never start a conversation on a touchy subject so if you happen to say something like "Global warming doesn't exist" or "Why do we need new abortion laws" or "the PS3 is better than the xBox 360" and can't back up your statement, watch out.

Especially watch out if you happen to say "I'm allowed top have my opinion". If the only defence you have for having a crappy opinion is that it's yours, you really haven't thought it out.

bacon n eggs

Depends on the offender if I like them or not.

Grayson

bacon n eggs wrote: »

Depends on the offender if I like fancy them or not.

Same here. A low cut top has defeated many of my best arguments before they even got started.

Ted_YNWA

If you were easily offended, AH is not the best place to be in.

And no, I couldn't care less if you don't like me.

gramar

I wouldn't say I'm easily offended.
However I avoid unnecessary arguments over stupid topics or those that aren't really important particularly when you can see the other person getting all worked up.
I've found with experience that you'll rarely change anybodys mind and probably only reinforce their opinion so if someone else wants to get wound up then good for them.

50SofG

no not easily offended, but sometimes people can say the wrong things at the wrong times.

Mr. CooL ICE

Very hard to offend as my humour is pretty dark.

However, one of my friends (asian) once described me as "skinny like a knacker". I was actually hurt by that

50SofG

LordChessington wrote: »

Very hard to offend as my humour is pretty dark.

However, one of my friends (asian) once described me as "skinny like a knacker". I was actually hurt by that

dark .. you and me both but i get your hurt there

dodderangler

stefan idiot jones wrote: »

I have got skin as thick as a Rhinos foreskin.

Rhinos are my favourite animal
I'm pretty offended by your comment you jerk

stefan idiot jones

dodderangler wrote: »

Rhinos are my favourite animal
I'm pretty offended by your comment you jerk

....turns the other cheek and prays for you.

1ZRed

In real life I've a thick enough skin and am not easily offended, but I find on the Internet people can be really damn sensitive over the most trivial things that you can just ignore if you don't like.

I'm not talking about the serious things, just the really trivial stupid stuff that some people just can't get over and you'd swear you just punched their granny over something so stupid.

Cianos

Cody Pomeray wrote: »

I've always thought most people enjoyed a bit of an argument from time to time. But I find that sometimes when you put arguments to a classmate/ work colleague, they can end up taking these arguments really personally. I can't understand why this is the case, obviously the argument is intended to oppose a stated opinion, not an individual's character.

I recently had an argument about the most trivial thing in the world, the "27 year old club", which I think is nothing more than a confirmation bias.

To my suprise, the person with whom I was arguing has taken the whole thing very personally, and colleagues have suggested I should think about apologizing to smoothe things over.
That's fine by me, my work relationships mean a lot more to me than the 27 year old club, I just can't understand why the person in question took the thing so personally. So my question to AH users is this...

Do you get offended easily? Do you take non-personal arguments personally? Why get offended about arguments that are directed at a specific point, and not your own character?

Discuss.

I don't get offended easily but there's more to it than views/opinons of the topic at hand. Even someone who agrees with you can be offensive, if they're smug/aggressive/arrogant in making their point.

Man on Fire

I usually brush it off but the odd time i can be caught off guard

1ZRed

Anyone else despise those people that can throw out the abuse like it's nothing but if you said anything back to them, even in a joking way, they walk away disgusted and extremely insulted and the blame is shifted on you for everything.

I hate that shíte. Don't give if you can't take!

Panrich

The "27 year old club" ???

Duggy747

1ZRed wrote: »

Anyone else despise those people that can throw out the abuse like it's nothing but if you said anything back to them, even in a joking way, they walk away disgusted and extremely insulted and the blame is shifted on you for everything.

Once got in a fight with a fella who was saying shìte like "Yo' Mama!!" to me.

I said something like "Yo' Mama!" back, got more laughs from people around him and he went:

"THE FÙCK DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER!?!"

Gobshìte.

1ZRed

Duggy747 wrote: »

Once got in a fight with a fella who was saying shìte like "Yo' Mama!!" to me.

I said something like "Yo' Mama!" back, got more laughs from people around him and he went:

"THE FÙCK DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER!?!"

Gobshìte.

What a wanker. I hear his Mama's so fat she got arrested at the airport for having 10 pounds of crack

Hownowcow

I've come across some people, who it appears to me, get offended, even about the simplest of things, merely because someone doesn't agree with them.

Me, I'm not arsed about much.

Duggy747

I think I said his Mama was so stoopid that she was fired from the M&M factory for throwing away "W's" :pac:

A0

Yes, hate to not get my posts thanked.

Cody Pomeray

Cody Pomeray wrote: »

I can't understand why this is the case, obviously the argument is intended to oppose a stated opinion, not an individual's character.

A lot of people can not tell the difference. They get offended vicariously on behalf of their own opinions. Many see disagreement with an opinion as being a personal slight on themselves. It is a sad state of affairs but quite common.

I see people getting offended all the time on this forum and others for example - often for no reason - I personally can not be offended by what one person on the internet says from behind a keyboard and monitor on the internet.

the groutch

Panrich wrote: »

The "27 year old club" ???

the "27 Club" is the group of musicians who all died aged 27.

Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Jimi Henrix, Amy Whitehouse, Janis Joplin, Brian Jones, etc.

Legs.Eleven

About certain things....very much so (i.e. when my intelligence is questioned in any way, shape or form). Other stuff, I'd probably agree and join in.

weemcd

[Deleted User] wrote: »

A lot of people can not tell the difference. They get offended vicariously on behalf of their own opinions. Many see disagreement with an opinion as being a personal slight on themselves. It is a sad state of affairs but quite common.

I see people getting offended all the time on this forum and others for example - often for no reason - I personally can not be offended by what one person on the internet says from behind a keyboard and monitor on the internet.

This is the thing, people LOVE being offended these days. If you get all offended people might have sympathy for you etc. etc

Stephen Fry said it best in a quote i can't dig up atm (on mobile) about people that think being offended gets them some extra rights or adds weight to their opinion/argument. It's part and parcel of our compensation culture, nobody gets told to catch themselves on and harden the **** up anymore for fear they might get upset.

bacon n eggs

nobody gets told to catch themselves on and harden the **** up anymore for fear they might get upset.

weemcd is online now Report Post

cop the feck on ;-)

The Backwards Man

I'm very good at offending people. Not intentionally, I just say what's in my head, not necessarily what people want to hear.

bacon n eggs

I'm very good at offending people. Not intentionally, I just say what's in my head, not necessarily what people want to hear.

My mum does that. There are days I let it go and others outright mayhem.

The Backwards Man

bacon n eggs wrote: »

My mum does that. There are days I let it go and others outright mayhem.

Son?

Legs.Eleven

weemcd wrote: »

This is the thing, people LOVE being offended these days. If you get all offended people might have sympathy for you etc. etc

Stephen Fry said it best in a quote i can't dig up atm (on mobile) about people that think being offended gets them some extra rights or adds weight to their opinion/argument. It's part and parcel of our compensation culture, nobody gets told to catch themselves on and harden the **** up anymore for fear they might get upset.

I have no idea why people quote comedians so often to back up their point...

In fairness, wtf do they know?

bacon n eggs

Daughter

Legs.Eleven

Hownowcow wrote: »

I've come across some people, who it appears to me, get offended, even about the simplest of things, merely because someone doesn't agree with them.

Me, I'm not arsed about much.

What IS offended though? If someone comes on here slagging Muslims and calling them all blood-thirsty murderers who are destroying Europe, I don't feel "offended". My feelings aren't hurt but those ideas annoy me. I don't think annoyance is the same as being offended.

marnie d

No I wouldn't say that I am offended easily, but it depends on who it's coming from, and what tone and context it's said.
I can take a slagging and give back as good as I get, as long as it's all lighthearted, but if someone is deliberately hateful for no real reason I will feel hurt.

bacon n eggs

I have often seen something that started out as slagging turn ugly.

Itwasntme.

I don't offend easily. I used to get called ugly a lot when I was younger and people generally didn't like me because I was extremely awkward and with zero social skills, so I developed strong defense mechanisms*. And unless someone is just pure evil, it's easier all around to shrug off most offenses (perceived or real) as dealing with them is more trouble than it's worth.



I avoid eye contact and don't speak unless I am spoken to on the rare occasions I venture out in the big, scary world.

Dfmnoc

I find its the attention seekers who get offended the easiest.

The Backwards Man

Dfmnoc wrote: »

I find its the attention seekers who get offended the easiest.

What did you just call me?!

NothingMan

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I have no idea why people quote comedians so often to back up their point...

In fairness, wtf do they know?

Why do their oppinions or observations count less than say a politician? Are all politicians quotes more valid because of their profession? Stephen Fry is a very intelligent and highly regarded man on many subjects and a lot of comedians would be similarly itelligent and informed as they use current events in their material and are able to express themselves in a poigniant and witty manner therefore lending themselves to some great quotes.

I've be more inclined to trust a qoute from Stephen fry, George Carlin or Bill Hicks than almost any politician, journalist or biographer that I can think of.


....No offence :P

Dave!

Cody Pomeray wrote: »

I've always thought most people enjoyed a bit of an argument from time to time. But I find that sometimes when you put arguments to a classmate/ work colleague, they can end up taking these arguments really personally. I can't understand why this is the case, obviously the argument is intended to oppose a stated opinion, not an individual's character.

I recently had an argument about the most trivial thing in the world, the "27 year old club", which I think is nothing more than a confirmation bias.

To my suprise, the person with whom I was arguing has taken the whole thing very personally, and colleagues have suggested I should think about apologizing to smoothe things over.
That's fine by me, my work relationships mean a lot more to me than the 27 year old club, I just can't understand why the person in question took the thing so personally. So my question to AH users is this...

Do you get offended easily? Do you take non-personal arguments personally? Why get offended about arguments that are directed at a specific point, and not your own character?

Discuss.

I think that certain people's instinct is to get defensive when they lose an argument, or they get caught in a lie, or their cognitive dissonance is highlighted. Your example is probably just a manifestation of this.

If they're not used to having their beliefs or opinions cross-examined (or challenged in a logical manner), then they don't know how to deal with it.

This is one of the good things about message boards, you get challenged regularly, and then have the luxury of being able to revise your position on the sly, without having to pay the social cost of admitting defeat or recanting in front of your peers

Potential-Monke

I'm usually the one doing the offending. Everything is fair game to me, and people who know me know to expect it. Unless it's a direct personal insult, there's no reason to get offended. And anyone that does is just unable to put rational thought above feelings.

Spurtacus

I would rarely get offended so most words just wash over me.
Problem is if you work or associate with someone who is over-sensitive & highly strung where a bit of work banter sees them out for a week because of the stress of being called fat or lazy as part of a joke.
Some people shouldn't go outside their front door if they can't take a joke.

weemcd

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I have no idea why people quote comedians so often to back up their point...

In fairness, wtf do they know?

I paraphrased what Fry said, it wasn't a direct quote. I picked that because it was relevant? It could be Carl Sagan tomorrow and Ali next week. The source is not important as long as I respect the person quoted and it's relevant.

Legs.Eleven

NothingMan wrote: »

Why do their oppinions or observations count less than say a politician? Are all politicians quotes more valid because of their profession? Stephen Fry is a very intelligent and highly regarded man on many subjects and a lot of comedians would be similarly itelligent and informed as they use current events in their material and are able to express themselves in a poigniant and witty manner therefore lending themselves to some great quotes.

I've be more inclined to trust a qoute from Stephen fry, George Carlin or Bill Hicks than almost any politician, journalist or biographer that I can think of.


....No offence :P

Jesus that's so offensive. You offended me.


No, their opinions count like anyone else's (probably more than a politicians, actually but who quotes politicians and believes a word that comes out of any of their mouths?) but they don't count any more just cos they're comedians. That's my point. I'm not just talking about Stephen Fry (who, I agree, is an intelligent man) but anytime some discussion comes up, Bill Hicks is quoted (that clip about Marketeers), Stewart Lee is quoted with his PC thingy (if I see that video one more time on here, I'll gouge my eyes out...and yours!), George Carlin is quoted (who, I have to admit, speaks a lot of sense), that other fella whose name I can't think of now is quoted (he's black, American and popular in Britain). It seems a very lazy way to argue a point. If a stand-up comedian said it, then it must be true! It's getting a bit old.



And no, I don't find it offensive, just annoying.

Legs.Eleven

weemcd wrote: »

I paraphrased what Fry said, it wasn't a direct quote. I picked that because it was relevant? It could be Carl Sagan tomorrow and Ali next week. The source is not important as long as I respect the person quoted and it's relevant.

Okay. Not giving you a hard time but I suppose I'm fed up with comedians generally being used as a source of wisdom.

NothingMan

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Okay. Not giving you a hard time but I suppose I'm fed up with comedians generally being used as a source of wisdom.

But it's not because they're comedians, it's because they're respected peers who have a proven knowledge and apt observation on the subject.
I personally don't have an active interest in politics so wouldn't know who does or doesn't know what they're talking about but I know these comedians and they talk sense.

Now if it was a different comedian like Franky Boyle who is funny but not necessarily someone you should take advice of, I'd be more wary to trust a qoute but the ones we've mentioned are consistently quoted for a reason. Maybe in the future people will quote them like Aristotle or Shakespear and they will be regarded universally.

Plus comedians have a natural ability to talk at the level of their audience. They phrase things differently to other people - get ideas across in ways that are accessible and understandable - and so quite often an idea of fact that might otherwise have escaped you can sink in when coming from a comedian.

In an interview Eddie Izzard said he has a goal to spend the next 10 years (give or take) studying European history and law closely. He then intends to run in politics. I look forward to that day. His immense intellectual capabilities coupled with the natural people and ambassadorial skills that are inherent in being a comedian will likely come together and produce a force to be reckoned with in political circles. I can not wait to see what he achieves.

Legs.Eleven

Fair enough. I see your point. I suppose the overuse of the same 3 bleedin' videos in AH is wreaking my head but yeah, I see what you're saying.

Edit: It's actually an interesting discussion in itself: the role comedians play as social and political commentators in society.

johnny_knoxvile

AH is full of easily offended people...i have been banned and infracted for jokes and off the cuff remarks several times...

as was poor old Fink Goddie who got a life time ban.

So much for the famous Irish humour.

lahalane

It's very rare that I would get offended and when I do, I won't react because there's usually no point. I won't become un-offended.

Some people are very easily offended though. Because I'm such a bastard, I do like to try to offend them for my own amusement when I'm bored...but only if I think they deserve it.