Good excuses for cancelling arrangements

YellowFeather

I know - honesty is the best policy. But, it's not very nice to tell somebody that you can't make it out because you'd rather spend the night at home making finger puppets out of old socks. Alone. With no internet connection or phone. Or electricity or candles. Or old socks.

I need to get out of an arrangement with a family member. It's not for another week and a bit, but I'd rather tell them as soon as possible that I can't make it, rather than leaving it to the last minute (would be unfair). I'm not particularly comfortable with killing people off (for my excuse - not actually killing them).

If anybody comes up with an excuse that I can use, I will genuinely send you some form of finger puppet or write you a poem - your choice.

Ihatecuddles-old

Youre broke/sick/bad back/have to work?

paulmclaughlin

"I need to walk my fish."

The Backwards Man

I want a finger puppet AND a poem.:(

KeithM89

Tell them you have explosive diarrhea.

The Queen of England

"I can't make it. I broke my banjo string ripping shreds up the canal of a tight holed ass virgin".

keelanj69

Youre expecting a call from work/social welfare/ hospital and youd rather not miss it?

Or youre expecting someone to ask you to mind their child/ dog/ fish. But they didnt need you the bástards. They only told you last minute and ruined your plans.

JustAThought

Well if It's Something They've taken the
Time to organise with you well in advance Maybe your Company means something to Them! Or they'd like to build an occasional contact relationship/friendship.

Sure if you 've absolutely nothing else
To Do why don't you try it & give them a chance! Or at least a half hour.

If it wasn't Too Much of a Commute/expense for you both you could try going & then having to duck Home cos you have UPS guy coming / electrician /plumber calling back at X pm to do a fonal fix urgent of Y; have to give lift to old person to something special etc.

If you Randomly cancel in advance they will just Try to re-make the appointment for another day! Face your deamons! Might make great Sock puppet materials for Another night!

Panthro

Say for a work situation...

Ring the Boss and say:
You: “Hi Boss, I don’t think I can work today”
Boss: “Why not?”
You: “Because I think I’m schizophrenic!”
Boss: “No you’re not!”
You: “You’re right, I’m not…
(Pause a few seconds…then deepen your voice and slowly say)
You:…”But I am….”

Boss: “Arrrggghh!”:eek:

Boom. Day off.

eirator

Tell them you have a premonition .......

dgt

"I'm sorry, I can't. My girlfriend wants a threesome"

The Queen of England

Panthro wrote: »

Say for a work situation...

Ring the Boss and say:
You: “Hi Boss, I don’t think I can work today”
Boss: “Why not?”
You: “Because I think I’m schizophrenic!”
Boss: “No you’re not!”
You: “You’re right, I’m not…
(Pause a few seconds…then deepen your voice and slowly say)
You:…”But I am….”

Boss: “Arrrggghh!”:eek:

Boom. Day off.

I think you're confusing schizophrenia with multiple personality disorder.

hfallada

Sorry I have period pain or the best is I have sudden bowel movements. The answer is always that fine buts it allows good to follow up with "i cant remember when I ate sweetcorn"

I am pie

tell them you found a safe in the garden of your house, you think there might be some 20 year old pot noodles in there.

they´ll understand.

YellowFeather

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Youre broke/sick/bad back/have to work?

Yeah - all good and I could have to use the have to work excuse, but I do want to give them some advance notice. It's something that's been arranged for a while (that I was fairly strong armed into), but I have a ticket for it, so I could happily offer the ticket to somebody else if this person had the advance notice to arrange for somebody else to come.

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I want a finger puppet AND a poem.:(

Well get with making the excuses so! :P

Scylla wrote: »

Tell them you have explosive diarrhea.

Nah. I mean, I probably couldn't tell them that a week in advance. And, even if I could... nah.

The Queen of England wrote: »

"I can't make it. I broke my banjo string ripping shreds up the canal of a tight holed ass virgin".

I don't have a banjo string. Have a recorder from primary school if that's any use.

kfallon

"Yeah, I've been called into work that weekend, we can't get the stuff done during the week cos we need to maintain daily output so have to wait til the weekend when the office/factory is empty to test out the new system. Fooking balls it's on the weekend, was really looking forward to seeing ye again!"

Alternatively ring up on the morning, "Jaysus I've been on the bog all night, arse is like an angry dot, feels like I'm shítting thru the eye of a needle, nearly tarmaced the back of the jax!"

Either will work!

YellowFeather

eirator wrote: »

Tell them you have a premonition .......

I actually really like this... Bonus points in that maybe I'll scare them away for ever at the same time as getting out of this flipping night!

Cee-Jay-Cee

Cancelling last minute is more realistic. Ring/text them the a few hours before your due to meet and before they've left their house and tell them you had a dodgy chicken curry the night before and have spent all morning in the jacks and that your ass stomach and head are pretty delicate and your afraid to leave the toilet.

WoollyRedHat

YellowFeather wrote: »

Yeah - all good and I could have to use the have to work excuse, but I do want to give them some advance notice. It's something that's been arranged for a while (that I was fairly strong armed into), but I have a ticket for it, so I could happily offer the ticket to somebody else if this person had the advance notice to arrange for somebody else to come.



Well get with making the excuses so! :P



Nah. I mean, I probably couldn't tell them that a week in advance. And, even if I could... nah.



I don't have a banjo string. Have a recorder from primary school if that's any use.

If you have a recorder then surely you have a banjo string.

Are we being literal here? Anyone want some tea?

Derpington95

The Queen of England wrote: »

"I can't make it. I broke my banjo string ripping shreds up the canal of a tight holed ass virgin".

1/20

IM0

"Im sorry I cant go, I dont like you anymore"

the benefit of this one is it only needs to be said once for future meetings as the excuse is are already noted, understood, and deemed sufficient to not even have to ask you so then you dont have to repeat it

Hownowcow

I don't love you any more.








*Get's you out of a lot of stuff.

The Backwards Man

Say you promised me you'd go out with me instead. I'll corroborate.

Hunter Mahan

Tell them you have scabies but you're not bothered about going to the doctor then ask if you can sleep over afterwards.

Sit back and wait for them to cancel the plans.

wilkie2006

JustAThought wrote: »

Well if It's Something They've taken the
Time to organise with you eel in advance
Maybe your Company means something to Them! Or they'd like to build an occasional contact relationship/friendship.

Sure if you 'be absolutely nothing Elso
To Do why don't you try it & give them a chance! Or at least a half hour.

If it wasn't
Too Much of a Commute/expense for you both you could try going
& then having to duck Home cos you have UPS guy coming / electrician /plumber calling back at X pm to do a fonal fix urgent of Y; have to give lift to old person to something special etc.

If you Randomly cancel in advance they will just Try to re-make the appointment for another day! Face your deamons! Might make great Sock puppet materials for Another night!

You got things mixed up; the OP offered YOU a poem for your advice...

YellowFeather

CJC999 wrote: »

Cancelling last minute is more realistic. Ring/text them the a few hours before your due to meet and before they've left their house and tell them you had a dodgy chicken curry the night before and have spent all morning in the jacks and that your ass stomach and head are pretty delicate and your afraid to leave the toilet.

I know - last minute is so much handier! I'm looking for something that I can give a bit of advance notice for - and it ain't easy. There has to be something out there though! I'd usually use eye infections for last minute excuses.

IM0 wrote: »

"Im sorry I cant go, I dont like you anymore"

the benefit of this one is it only needs to be said once for future meetings as the excuse is are already noted, understood, and deemed sufficient to not even have to ask you so then you dont have to repeat it

I don't think I could use those exact words. Looking for something a bit nicer. Like, my newly acquired conjoined twin doesn't like you anymore and she won't let me come out (but maybe a bit more realistic, 'cause I haven't recently acquired a conjoined twin). Hmmm... Yet...

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Say you promised me you'd go out with me instead. I'll corroborate.

Well now - I''m seeing potential. Can I give them your number??

Hunter Mahan wrote: »

Tell them you have scabies but you're not bothered about going to the doctor then ask if you can sleep over afterwards.

Sit back and wait for them to cancel the plans.

Liking this one too. Actually, this would be a great date-escaper.

YellowFeather

Hownowcow wrote: »

I don't love you any more.

IrishExpat

"I have to return some videotapes."

The Backwards Man

Well now - I''m seeing potential. Can I give them your number??

Yes, yes you can. The lengths I would go to for a finger puppet and poetry are extraordinary.

jackpension

Sorry, but I can't do anything for the next few hours. I am allowing my food to digest. You can never play it too safe!

jackpension

I promised to help Ashley clean the toilet at the same time. She doesn't like doing it alone; she gets nervous that she will fall in! Some kind of toilet phobia(a weird name I can't remember for some reason...)

YellowFeather

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Yes, yes you can. The lengths I would go to for a finger puppet and poetry are extraordinary.

Well, for the moment, I'm liking the "I have a premonition" excuse closely followed by yours. I'm going to leave it 'till this time tomorrow, but, if you remain in second, I'll give you whatever eirator doesn't choose (which could easily be both a sock puppet and a poem).

I'm still open to new suggestions though, but ye guys are def in the lead.

It will be a good sock puppet and a good poem btw. I wouldn't put them out there unless I was going to do them properly.

jackpension wrote: »

Sorry, but I can't do anything for the next few hours. I am allowing my food to digest. You can never play it too safe!

Ooooo - I like this. It's a bit too short notice for this excuse, but I will definitely be using it in the future.

Scruffles

something about a relative carkin it and have been left overwhelmed with grief?
mum used to use this one almost everytime the credit card company and then bailiffs called,our family must have been breeding like rabbits at the rate mum had them all dying.:D

a minor car accident as a passenger; a nothing to write on fb/twitter about but enough to need rest for several days sort of accident.

tell them them are getting a tit or vaj lift done in some country they offer it cheaply [and poorly] and its the only time they were able to fit in so to speak.
the foreign location gives bonus points and extra time for making up some bullsht about infection setting in due to the doctor being some grimey drunken git off the street and not a qualified surgeon.

tell them are away on some staff team building break with work,and are not able to get out of it because itd look poor on self.

tell them are sick with the norovirus extended version.

tell them a relative is poorly and have decided to stay and help them get better at their house.

a kitteh finger puppet plz.:cool:

jackpension

tell them are sick with the norovirus extended version.
[/QUOTE]

Mocking is catching.

biko

You have to go to prison.

YellowFeather

Scruffles wrote: »

a minor car accident as a passenger; a nothing to write on fb/twitter about but enough to need rest for several days sort of accident.

a kitteh finger puppet plz.:cool:

Holy Bejaysus - that's exactly what I'm looking for. An accident causing back or neck pain that will last a few weeks and render me incapacitated. You sir, are a genius. You're getting a kitteh finger puppet like you wouldn't believe.

But - nothing's ever easy. This person is a cousin on my father's side, so, if I tell them that I've been in a car accident, they'll tell their dad, who will tell my dad, who will ring me in a heap wondering what happened. I suppose I would need to go for an injury that would be inappropriate to tell to parents. I have a few ideas there that I could use already (all involving neck cramps). What are we thinking??

jackpension

Ok. Here's how you play it
Day 1- send an email reminder. Then send a text to indicate that an email reminder has been dispatched. Always request read receipt.

Day 2 - if no response, repeat above procedure. If there is a response, then send an email thanking for response, and a text as well.

Day 3 - call up to ask advice on clothing on the day. Then two hours later, call again to seek further advice. Later, send text and email thank yous, again requesting read receipts.

Day 4 - send an email and text simulataneously to confirm time. Send text and email thanks.

Day 5 - send an email and text to confirm venue. Later than day send a text to say you are looking foward to meet up

Day 6 - send a text requesting an earlier meet up time. If agreeable text and email back thanking them for flexibility. Two hours later, request a change of venue. Again send texts thanking them.

Day 7 - if you have not yet received a restraining order, call up to say that you have diarheaa.

Works like a charm

a0ifee

tell them that you've been given a doctors appointment that you've been waiting for for months so you can't cancel it

or failing that, turn up and get someone to ring you with an emergency five minutes later

Pat Mustard

Tell them about your charity work with the sick and the poor, and complain about your swollen lymph nodes.

Leave it a few days. Then ring them and tell them you've been diagnosed with the bubonic plague (I know, right?) and that the Public Health Doctor asked you avoid all public contact for just one week, until it passes with the assistance of strong antibiotics.

With great regret, you will have to cancel.

Richard Hillman

I have the trots, its like I'm pissing out of my arse

Donald73

It's usually best keeping it simple - why not just say that your ticket to whatever it is got lost/accidentally burnt?

Daveysil15

I've a lot of banking to catch up on!

Yawns

Might seem unbelievable but I have a family thing on Sunday week. I don't actually like most of her family so if you're related to her side, feel free not to show. Don't even want an excuse to be made either. I would certainly be happy with that.

YellowFeather

Yawns wrote: »

Might seem unbelievable but I have a family thing on Sunday week. I don't actually like most of her family so if you're related to her side, feel free not to show. Don't even want an excuse to be made either. I would certainly be happy with that.

Can you go to my thing and I'll go to your thing?

Yawns

Ah damnit yours is a evening / night event. I have to get up early on a Sunday only to waste it away with 'them'...

How about you go to my thing and I'll just ring your 'acquaintance' and tell them to feck off?

YellowFeather

Yawns wrote: »

Ah damnit yours is a evening / night event. I have to get up early on a Sunday only to waste it away with 'them'...

How about you go to my thing and I'll just ring your 'acquaintance' and tell them to feck off?

How about I ring your people and ask them to meet my people and film the whole thing spend more time in bed.

Yawns

I like your style. Maybe we should meet up at a petrol station to chat about these plans.

YellowFeather

That only works if it's spontaneous!

Yawns

Oh there will be something spontaneous alright

Fr_Dougal

You're getting your car NCT'd.

EoghanIRL

Tell them you fell off your dinosaur.