invisible in relationship

LegacyUser

I feel so invisible and unimportant in my relationship.

It feels like nothing I say, do or feel is noticed. It's only when I get fed up and retreat into myself that he notices and starts to respond until i am myself again. I feel so alone a lot of the time. I have tried to discuss it but it seems to fall on deaf ears. I'm losing the will to be in the relationship because i feel empty.

I really need some help because i cant go on feeling this way. Im young, bright and vibrant and i do deserve to be noticed. Its just not happening. What do i do?

my apologies if what i have said doesnt make any sense. I am pretty upset as i write.

SunnyDub1

kshdjdj wrote: »

Im young, bright and vibrant and i do deserve to be noticed.

The quoted is your answer.

simple straight forward answer - get out of the relationship.
Why be in a relationship or even in the presence of someone who make you feel miserable and doesn't listen to you.

Yes it maybe hard at first but in the long run you will wish you had of done it sooner rather than later.

mary55

Give him an ultimatum either he starts paying attention to you or you will leave.

December2012

I had some experience of this. It was suggested that one of us start working on our neediness / confidence so we could notice when we were important, and the other one of us had to work on paying attention. It's usually a two way street.

It can be worked on, or you could walk away.

How long are you in the relationship?

LegacyUser

Thank you so much for replying.

My initial feelings are leave - I'm not getting what I need.

When I calm down, I am thinking more along the lines of what December 2012 is suggesting.... we have been together ten years and it hasn't always been like this. Part of me wonders...is this the future?I know it's a two way street and I am going through a lot of changes at the moment, so my confidence and believe in myself is quite low. I do know I need to work on this.

At the same time, he does need to pay more attention...but how do I get this? I'm laughing as I write this because last week I found myself at those "how to get your man's attention" articles in women's mags....It's that desperate Seriously though, I know change can only really come from me but he needs to do something too and it's got to a point where he really is deaf to my words.

December2012

Well maybe you need to work on your confidence anyway?

I think for lots of people it's very hard to do - we assume its easy because its such a basic need, but we can lose our way.

I don't know about magazine articles, but talking to a properly qualified therapist may help.

You could do this on your own without your partner, or you could try relationship counselling together.

Fluorescence

Would ye consider couples counseling? They could help you identify what you both need to work on. For a relationship of 10 years, it deserves a chance.

That said, if no improvements are forthcoming after a certain amount of time then I'd be packing my bags and heading for greener pastures