He made a weird comment

LegacyUser

Hi, my boyfriend of 3 years moved to Australia last year. I stayed home to finish my degree with the intention of going over to join him. He was home recently for3 weeks for a visit.

The long distance has been very hard. I think as I'm the one left behind I'm finding it particularly hard. I try not to let this show.

Anyway. The day he got back home we went to the pub for a drink and he bumped into a mate. He was bragging about how great Australia was and then said "All you need is an Irish accent to get laid".

This really hurt me. I think long distance causes insecurities anyway, and I know he goes out a lot so it really hurt... I didn't show it at the time but later on that day I said it to him and he said "Yeah I was wondering how you'd react to that but don't worry I wouldn't cheat on you".

Now I just feel really insecure and basically forgotten. Am I overreacting?

missjm

I don't think you're over-reacting at all. It was disrespectful and while he said to you he wouldn't cheat, it was giving the impression to his mate that he would.

LegacyUser

God that was an insensitive thing to say. I remember once I was dating a guy and using protection, and on a night out he joked to a friend about how crap sex felt with condoms "like taking a swim with your boots on". And I was stunned: does that mean sex with me, sitting right there beside him, feels crap???

Honestly? Don't mistake "long distance" with "letting manners slide cos you don't want to upset each other or have a fight". It was a pig ignorant thing to say. Particularly in front of you.

Perhaps he was talking about Irish guys in general - but I wouldn't say your overly paranoid if you wondered if he was obliquely referring to himself. I think in light of the comment, it opens the door for a direct ask.

judgefudge

I'd be worried about the fact that he seems to have said it on purpose to see your reaction? It's like he's trying to make you insecure. That's pretty messed up.

blatantrereg

I wouldn't read too much into it per se. He was trying to sell the place to his friend, and therefore thinking of things from his friend's point of view.

That's without knowing any context of course.

It's definitely harder being the one left behind in that sort of situation alright. You are likely to miss him a lot more than he you. You can often reverse that by going for a visit. Of course a short trip to Australia is probably prohibitively expensive for a student, so I say that as a general remark, rather than anything specific or useful to you.

CaraMay

I really wouldn't be bothered with a long distance relationship. Have done it and while it works for some, not everyone is cut out for it. For him to come out with a line Luke that is just obnoxious and shows the way he is thinking IMHO. I would expect fidelity is upheld in.very few of those long term, very long distance relationships.

There are plenty of nice guys here. Let him and his Irish accent go back to oz, as a single man.

Stavro Mueller

I think the comment can be read in different ways. It can be as sinister or innocuous as you want it to be really - there is no answer that anyone here can give you to the real meaning behind his comments.

The issue here is that you're finding this LDR hard work and are a bit hypersensitive to comments like these. Which is totally understandable. Long distance relationships can and do wreck people's heads at times because of time zones, poorly worded texts and emails etc. Does your boyfriend know how insecure you are feeling over him being away in Oz? Maybe its time to have a chat about that.

Lorna123

He just said that to be the big fella in front of his friends. It doesn't mean that he has cheated at all.

Chucky the tree

i don't see the big deal at all. how much beer/parties/sex a guy can have would probably be a very important reason for going abroad for a huge number of young guys. I think the long distance element and insecurity is probably making the comment seem worse though. Sounds like you don't trust him though which is a bit of a worry.

Stavro Mueller

What's worth bearing in mind too who he was talking to. In my experience, conversations that men have with each other tend to be more laddish in tone. Especially when there are no women within earshot or they forget that there are women around. On reflection I don't think his comment was even weird. Just typical laddish banter.

Irish_Elect_Eng

I would think that this was a throw-away comment, meant for a friend ans not related to your relationship,

LDRs are difficult at the best of times, and almost impossible if poor communications exist.

I think that is takes either "certain types" of people with a high tolerance for the challenges that go with separation, or else couples with a high level of communications and maturity to make such relationships work.