Traveling with cousin - regret?

LegacyUser

So basically I'm leaving in 6 weeks to travel asia and then on to Australia for a year with my best Friend/cousin and I'm getting the fear and slight regret about going with her.

My best Friend/ cousin (lets call her Kate) and I decided over the Christmas that would just get up and go as there wasn't much here for us. Both single, no tie downs and in fairly low paid boring jobs.
Both 24.


I have an office job with access to the Internet so I basically organised the whole trip from visas to flights and accomm. This didn't bother me as I am more computer advanced and have access to a computer at work while Kate doesn't.

Anyways since booking the trip, I have been very house bound - which doesn't bother me cause I'm saving money and actually enjoy going on a Friday to veg out for the weekend.
Kate on the other hand loves to go out, drink and party. I have gone out a few times in the past couple of months, while Kate has been out nearly every weekend, fair enough that's her choice and her business.

However the other weekend I was out with Kate and she made a comment that really bother me it was something along the line of this-
kate: "you need to lossen up and live a little"
Me: "I'm traveling Asia and moving abroad, isn't that living it up enough I'm tryna save etc and don't get paid as much as you to go out"
her - "well you could be dead tomorrow an I just think your too serious sometimes, live a little and don't be spending all your time sitting in"


This annoyed me as I'm always up for the crack, nights out etc but recently got sick and bored of going out every weekend to the same places and drinking my money way and would rather spend the weekend chilling and saving for the trip. Just to add Kate gets paid more then I do, so she is saving as well as enjoying her piss ups.

I explained this to her and she seemed to have understood and that was fine.

It's not just that, most weekends when she is out shes hooking up with different guys and going back their places for sex, or else going back to a session and staying out all night. This kind of scares me as it's different when you are in a place you don't know and while I'm all up for a partying and meeting people while we area way, I don't want to be the one having to babysit her either.


While I'm moving away to travel, meet different people, see different parts of the world, and eventually hopefully settle down for a good few month in OZ with the hope of getting a good job, shes' more lets travel & drink and work at a bar. Obviously I will party and have fun time too but I just think I am taking this trip more serious and into reality then she is.

With all this I now just have the slight fear of going away with her, that we will fall out or that she will really get on my nerves.
then I'm thinking maybe I'm just reading to much into and looking for things that will bother me cause I will be spending the next year and more with her.

It's obviously too late now to change my mind cause of all the money I have put in, I most certainly do want to go but just have the fear of going with her.

What are people views on this?

thanks

afterglow

marylou121 wrote: »

So basically I'm leaving in 6 weeks to travel asia and then on to Australia for a year with my best Friend/cousin and I'm getting the fear and slight regret about going with her.

My best Friend/ cousin (lets call her Kate) and I decided over the Christmas that would just get up and go as there wasn't much here for us. Both single, no tie downs and in fairly low paid boring jobs.
Both 24.


I have an office job with access to the Internet so I basically organised the whole trip from visas to flights and accomm. This didn't bother me as I am more computer advanced and have access to a computer at work while Kate doesn't.

Anyways since booking the trip, I have been very house bound - which doesn't bother me cause I'm saving money and actually enjoy going on a Friday to veg out for the weekend.
Kate on the other hand loves to go out, drink and party. I have gone out a few times in the past couple of months, while Kate has been out nearly every weekend, fair enough that's her choice and her business.

However the other weekend I was out with Kate and she made a comment that really bother me it was something along the line of this-
kate: "you need to lossen up and live a little"
Me: "I'm traveling Asia and moving abroad, isn't that living it up enough I'm tryna save etc and don't get paid as much as you to go out"
her - "well you could be dead tomorrow an I just think your too serious sometimes, live a little and don't be spending all your time sitting in"


This annoyed me as I'm always up for the crack, nights out etc but recently got sick and bored of going out every weekend to the same places and drinking my money way and would rather spend the weekend chilling and saving for the trip. Just to add Kate gets paid more then I do, so she is saving as well as enjoying her piss ups.

I explained this to her and she seemed to have understood and that was fine.

It's not just that, most weekends when she is out shes hooking up with different guys and going back their places for sex, or else going back to a session and staying out all night. This kind of scares me as it's different when you are in a place you don't know and while I'm all up for a partying and meeting people while we area way, I don't want to be the one having to babysit her either.


While I'm moving away to travel, meet different people, see different parts of the world, and eventually hopefully settle down for a good few month in OZ with the hope of getting a good job, shes' more lets travel & drink and work at a bar. Obviously I will party and have fun time too but I just think I am taking this trip more serious and into reality then she is.

With all this I now just have the slight fear of going away with her, that we will fall out or that she will really get on my nerves.
then I'm thinking maybe I'm just reading to much into and looking for things that will bother me cause I will be spending the next year and more with her.

It's obviously too late now to change my mind cause of all the money I have put in, I most certainly do want to go but just have the fear of going with her.

What are people views on this?

thanks

Hi OP

I can totally understand why you are having doubts about your trip with your cousin. I'm wondering even though you are going with her, could you kind of be independent from her, meaning could you work and live separately from her, only meeting up when necessary?
I would say obviously if you could that to knot go with her would be the ideal solution, but as you have said htat's not an option now. I also would not fancy what you were saying about her going to bars and hooking up with different guys for one night stands, I would be nervous of this also. That was why I suggested living and or working separately from each other.
It is quite obvious that you are taking the trip more seriously than she is, and it is a pity you didn't have a bit more of a picture of what she was like before you committed to the trip.
I guess your only option is to try look out for yourself, don't work in bars and drink all the time if you don't want, and just let kate do as she wants.
Best of luck

mectavba

Lots of people start off travelling together, then split up, meet up again, based on their different interests, budgets etc.

Definitely sit down with her before hand and give her a clear idea of what you want to do and see, get her to do the same. Bring up the possibility of going your separate ways at some stage if you want to do completely different things. You will have no problem meeting other people who want to do the same as you (and her likewise).

But you need to address all this stuff BEFORE you go.

GiftofGab

I travelled through Australia last year and believe me lots and lots of people start off together and go their seperate ways. It's extremely common. That can be an option. You don't have to fight over it. If you want to do something and she doesn't just go your seperate ways and meet up at a later date.

This is once in a lifetime opportunity don't let her bring you down. If you dont want to travel with her leave her be. Do it alone. You'll meet way more people travelling alone and the majority of people I've met travelling through Oz last year were alone.

I was in the same situation as you before. I had a friend who was a bit on the wild side and wanted to go travelling with me. I left him at home and went alone. I've never regretted the decision. He was just going to get me into trouble and I would have spent more time looking after him than enjoying myself.

mathproblem

Yep I started with a best mate years ago and ended up heading for a different Greek Island than him from the ferry terminal in Athens and on in completely different directions thereafter. He just wanted to get to the party beaches, i was fascinated by the history we were encountering along the way and meeting people from different cultures and talking about it all. He would interrupt conversations where i was getting excited talking politics/sociology/psychology etc etc you name it by saying "you're not like that at all" "shut up will you" and so on... basically it was on this trip that i was beginning to learn exactly what I was, what interested me, what i enjoyed, who i wanted to be.. and some people that were in my life until that point would play a lesser part thereafter.

We are still friends and he is still a good guy and the things we do enjoy like sports or having a beer we can still do together and for other parts of ourselves we lead completely separate lives. Going traveling and seeing the world is as much about learning about yourself as the world out there. Just take the first step, go with her and see how you get on from there, after a while you may become closer than ever or you may head on totally different directions, it's just a voyage into the unknown, enjoy it.

I will say that it may be different for girls in that they may feel safer in pairs, but i know and have met a hell of a lot of girls traveling successfully alone, maybe after a little while of traveling with her you will have developed the confidence and know how to take that step.

I just wonder a little is this anxiety and distancing yourself from her lately just a bit of anxiety on your part about taking that step out into the great unknown. That is very natural to be a bit nervous about it all, it will help you keep on your game out there but don't let it stop you from giving it a try, it will probably be the making of you.

ongarboy

mectavba wrote: »

Lots of people start off travelling together, then split up, meet up again, based on their different interests, budgets etc.

Definitely sit down with her before hand and give her a clear idea of what you want to do and see, get her to do the same. Bring up the possibility of going your separate ways at some stage if you want to do completely different things. You will have no problem meeting other people who want to do the same as you (and her likewise).

But you need to address all this stuff BEFORE you go.

OP, I also went to Australia with my cousin on the one year visa many moons ago. We first moved to Melbourne to a flat and after a month, we were slowly getting on each others nerves as we were practically living in each others pockets. As we both found it very difficult to get work there (aggravating the situation as we had no space from each other through work either), we moved to Sydney, got work immediately and ended up moving into a large house with about 12 other UK and Irish one year visa people and it was the best move ever. We now had an instant group of new people to make friends with, socialise and it completely reduced the reliance on each other. Of course we still did some things together, just the two of us, but more and more, we did things separately with others or together with a group. We're still the best of friends years later. Therefore, I would say when you move over there, try and find shared accommodation with others so that it's less about the two of you and more about being around other new people and making new friends.

Just on the poster's advice above, I'd hesitate about having this serious sit down chat as it could be misconstrued if it seems like a list of rules and regulations are being outlined in advance of the trip that could lead to tension.. People can and do go their separate ways anyway if the circumstances evolve that way. Many couples break up on these one year visas and it's actually ok as they both learn more about themselves and lack of compatibility when it's tested abroad. Likewise with friends. Sometimes it's what is meant to be. Maybe OP's cousin will be the first to go her way. I think I'd hate if my cousin told me in advance of our year that she might head off and leave me solo during the year as I'd fear about being solo if things didn't work out for me. As it happened, I had such a great time after a few months when I had established myself at work, where I lived, new friends I made, that I would have been completely OK if my cousin went off to pursue separate travels but I know if she said this to me before I left Ireland, it wouldn't have sat well with me.

OP, it seems like you are good friends with your cousin already (even if she is annoying you currently) so I wouldn't be overly concerned. See how you get on after a few weeks abroad and if it seems the right thing to do to separate at that point then go for it. Being abroad may actually make you guys closer. It certainly did with my cousin and I.

JustAThought

Hi - great on you - it will be the adventure of a lifetime & fair dues to you both for taking the initiativd & for going!!!

I did similar with a great friend - she came from the US & I met up with her in Thailand . We had a amazing time. But -Turns out I really annoyed her - I am very relaxed & non-structured when I travel ( still am) & she had all the hotels, etc for the Thailand bit prepared & researched & eventually after about 10 days lost the head at me and said I wasn't pulling my weight. I was really shocked as I really had no idea she felt that way. So I organised the next trip & hotel & we got back on track again! I think what I'm saying is that people are very different & despite being great friends you can still have very different ways of being & outlooks -not to mention holiday objectives.

I agree with the person over who cautioned AGAINST saying you might " split up " en route. I would be horrified if I'd arranged to go (far) away with someone & they then said that before we even left. I so agree -as you travel you meet different groups. & choices of what to & it can naturally evolve that yih decide to adjust your plans based on evolving circumstances or opportunities & choose different options.

I remember wine & spirits was really expensive inAsia while beer was dirt cheep so it might be worthwhile having a heads up conversation over a coffee/planning meeting! You have rsaid that "Kate" earns a lot more than you - i have flund it in the past worthwhile to do a general " I have a budget of X, and hoping on spending only e3o a day" it might be worthwhile to have this chat so you can both see what the others' financial objectives & practical restraints are - it will really help you in focusing on what you can. & can't prioritise in terms of accommodation, trips, spend in restaurants etc & there is nothing worse than worrying or fighting over money .

In holidays I have avoided kitty's where possible - they always end up in a fight particularly over booze - don't be Irish & do rounds as you will end up broke really quickly especially boozing in Asia if you're not drinking beer .

It might be an idea to moot the point at some stage of having guys back but yiu will be sharing - will she want to have sex in front if you !? The problem may resolve itself creatively en route.
BUT especially of drugs especially easy ones like pot - you can't risk anything going wrong in Asia in this regard so if your cousin is inclined this way it would definately be a firm decision you will have to agree together at least for Asia - no drugs - as if one is caught both will be involved & getting out of that mess would ruin the holiday for the other.


Notwithstanding this ! You will have a great time it will be so much nicer to have someone to share the trip with & be able to trade memories & stories with in years to come! You may well argue a bit or eventually part ways & meet up again but you will always be family so try & diffuse situations ! The budget chat migh solve a lot & enable you to plan common events & agree to schedule to do different things in the evening or to meet up at x point later. & save yourself a few pounds !!!

It sounds like you have the trip of a lifetime ahead & I am really excited for you !!!