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Should I break up? scared of how she'll react

  • 12-05-2013 9:21am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Ok hi guys, here's a little background info:

    I'm 18 she's 17, we've been going out for 4 months now. She's great really attractive and so nice but it's just not quite right. I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship. And I dont think it's fair to continue on if I don't think there's a long term future. Now here's the problem. She's been through pretty bad times and used to self harm. She's told me she doesn't do it anymore but I'm not positive if that's true, I know she has done it at least once when we've been together(she told me). I'm afraid that the breakup will cause her to fall back into that self harming pattern.

    I really don't know what to do, it's not fair to continue on the relationship but how do I break the news? Normally contact is broken off after breakup but I think I should make an effort to stay friends?

    Thanks


Comments

  • #2
    ShaShaBear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,528 ✭✭✭ShaShaBear


    Notreadyforcomm wrote: »
    Ok hi guys, here's a little background info:

    I'm 18 she's 17, we've been going out for 4 months now. She's great really attractive and so nice but it's just not quite right. I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship. And I dont think it's fair to continue on if I don't think there's a long term future. Now here's the problem. She's been through pretty bad times and used to self harm. She's told me she doesn't do it anymore but I'm not positive if that's true, I know she has done it at least once when we've been together(she told me). I'm afraid that the breakup will cause her to fall back into that self harming pattern.

    I really don't know what to do, it's not fair to continue on the relationship but how do I break the news? Normally contact is broken off after breakup but I think I should make an effort to stay friends?

    Thanks

    I was in a very similar position as you when I was 18, with my boyfriend at the time who was 20. He was apparently very depressed and suicidal before he met me. When I realised I had to end it (he was a pathological liar) he threatened to kill himself and make sure his suicide note let everyone know it was my fault.

    I rang his sister and told her why it had to be over, and what he was threatening to do and that was the end of it. I suggest you maybe contact her mother, or maybe a brother or sister and explain yourself? That way she can be monitered.

    Don't blame yourself - you're way too young to be taking responsibility for something like that.


  • #3
    Lorna123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    You need to look after yourself first and being in this relationship is not good for you, so just tell her you feel too young for total commitment. Don't hang on as friends for the immediate time afterwards because she will make you feel guilty and you don't need that. You have no reason to feel guilty about anything. You dated her for 4 months at 18, so it's time to move on. She will get over it and even if she doesn't it is not your responsibility. You are responsible for your own happiness and the longer you leave it to break up with this girl the harder it will be on her when it does happen and the guiltier you will feel, so the sooner the better.


  • #4
    Whatsernamex33
    Closed Accounts Posts: 843 ✭✭✭Whatsernamex33


    Hi OP,

    I was in a very similar situation to you. I was 17 at the time, boyfriend 18. I self harmed also, when I was upset. My boyfriend was always worried I'd self harm again, if he broke up with me. So he suffered and was unhappy, while I was completely oblivious to how he was feeling.

    Explain to her that you care about her, that you're always there, and don't just break off all contact and give no reasons what had happened. When my ex broke up with me, he gave me no reasons whatsoever until a year later. Not knowing what had happened between us killed me all that time, and although I didn't self harm again, I was pretty depressed. In hindsight however, I can understand why he was unhappy, being in a serious relationship so young and I understood his reasoning.

    You're both young, enjoy life. Honestly, you don't need relationships hanging over both of your heads. Stay great friends, if possible. Someday, you'll reminisce about those days. :)


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