Don't know what to do

Galway2726

I am currently living in Australia, I left Ireland coming up on 2 years ago. At the time I had been through a lot of personal tragedies and just felt like I needed to get away. So I left Ireland with my partner, things have been good in Australia. But at the minute I am not working and I am just getting a bit fed up things have definitely quietened down here and I no longer know if I want to be here. I haven't had work in 2 months and my partner has been really good helping me out moneywise. I know I love him but I'm really not sure I want to spend the rest of my life in Australia and I know he wants to stay for a few years at least. Im 29 years old and freaking cause Im getting old and I feel like my life is a joke.I know if I go home I'll break my partners heart but I cant help feeling in the long run he will be happier as I am sometimes quite fed up I do try my best to be as upbeat as I can but sometimes I just cant help feeling like I do.My parents are in financial ruin at home and they have a business i cant help feeling selfish sitting at home everyday in Oz not working when I could be at home helping them. Having a very bad day and could really do with some advice

Esoteric_

You poor thing, you sound so conflicted.

How long have you been thinking like this? Is there a chance that the reason you're fed up is because you're struggling to find work? If that plays a part in it, bear in mind that the jobs market in Ireland is even worse than in Australia at the moment, so you may struggle to find work here, too. As well as that, there can be implications with social welfare payments. AFAIK, if you're living outside of the EU for 2 years or more, you're not entitled to the dole when you come back (although I'd check the State Benefits forum for clarity on that one).

You say that you want to come home, but your partner doesn't. Have you discussed this with your partner?

Is there any chance you could take say, 3 months to go back to Ireland, help your folks out, and see how you feel then? Because you're feeling down, you might just be seeing Ireland with rose tinted glasses at the moment. Maybe a 3 month stay will give you time to sort your head out, decide what's best for you, and then make a decision?

Galway2726

I have been feeling pretty crappy for a while to be honest maybe since last September. I know I'm feeling worse because I'm not working and I will have some days where i will feel totally crappy and other days i will feel good. I know Ireland is really quite but at least I could live rent free at home it's so expensive living in Oz I have some savings but am currently eating into them.im not too worried about social welfare as its something I've never claimed and never will my parents could help me out with my some hours if I got stuck..I told my partner 2 months ago that I was gonna leave and go home and see how I felt but I decided then to leave it for another while and see how I felt.Maybe it would be a good idea to go home for a while and see how I go but you know yourself the noisy questions from neighbours wondering where my other half is etc that's the one thing I don't miss about Ireland... I know I love my partner but don't know if I love him enough to spend the rest of my life with Him and I feel because I feel so crappy lately it's so hard to make a decision as i really don't know how I feel don't get me wrong my partner is the most kind, loving and caring person I have ever met he has had a Lot to deal with as I lost my last boyfriend 4 years ago and still haven't dealt fully with that.

Oryx

There's a saying 'no matter where you go, there you are'. Reading what you've written here, I wonder if your issues are something you will bring home with you. I also wonder if they might actually be worse, living back with your parents, with no job and no partner, in dull, cold Ireland.

Your problems seem to be four distinct things:

Possibly falling out of love with your partner
Not having a job
Missing your family and home
Unresolved grief over your previous boyfriend

I sounds like things are getting on top of you, you're fed up, and the problems above are becoming bigger in your mind. You are depending on your partner probably more than is healthy and that could account for your mixed feelings. The easiest solution seems to be to escape back home. But that wont fix everything, in fact it will only fix the missing your family thing - you're in two minds about your partner, and could end up missing him more! So don't do something on impulse that might be the wrong move. Is there anyone in Aus or at home (that you can skype) who knows you well that you can talk to?

At the end of the day, you need to think of what you really want. Not your parents or your partner. Dont go home, or stay, for anyone else. Take some more time to think it through, anyway.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Lorna123

It's a case of rose coloured glasses I am afraid because what can you possibly do to help your parents who are in financial trouble. You don't have a job. How can you help them. You will be landing yourself here in Ireland, with all your parents' problems being highlighted all the more. You probably won't be able to get a job here, you will miss your partner, the weather here is foul and the general feeling is that this country is heading for disaster. You will do yourself no favours returning at the present time, only get yourself more fed up when you get here. Come back for a holiday if you don't believe me.

NakedNNettles

Esoteric_ wrote: »

AFAIK, if you're living outside of the EU for 2 years or more, you're not entitled to the dole when you come back

This statement is not true!

OP... First, work brings structure and daily routine, which is important for mental well being. Right now you sound a bit aimless focussing on the short term negative aspects of life.

Staying in Australia or coming home, neither is a good or bad decision, everyone is different and have different expectations from life. It depends on what your future plan is.

You have to ask yourself the question, where do you want to be in 5 years or 10 years time. This ultimately seems to be your problem, most people who make something of their life have a plan and goals, it just doesn't fall into their lap, it takes hard work! That goes for everyone from the A-list movie star to the corner shop owner. The whole attitude 'Ah sure it will all work out' is a crock! If you think your life is a joke and want to turn it around then you need to make a long term plan.

Making a bunch of implausible excuses to come running home to your parents at the age of 29 is not a solution for your long term future. Its just a short term fix to make you feel better about yourself, what are you going to do one month, three month, six months after you come home?

This is your life, not your parents or your boyfriend. If you are coming home then make sure it is for yourself to make advances in life, your parents have plenty of life experience behind them and they will work through their own problems in time.