Getting over someone you see every day

LegacyUser

Hi
Im just wondering can anyone offer any advice.
Me and a girl moved in together about a year ago,both in our late 20s, just as flatmates, we didnt know each other prior to this. About 6 months later we got together and pretty much both declared to each other that neither of us had liked someone so much in ages.

We were a little naive and we instantly started going out. However things got weird after about 2 months, we werent being ourselves and we both found it frustrating that we were always around each other. I guess it was far too much too soon, its as if we skipped the build up to a relationship. We both had our own issues to deal with too so the timing was bad. We ended it fairly suddenly after a bad few days.

Im not sure how badly she took it, but I know I took it exteremly badly. To be honest, even when I was trying to pretend to myself I wasnt in to her anymore, I really was. But I put on a brave face, and so externally it would have seemed I wasnt too bothered at all.

We didnt have a good conversation for about 2 months after that.

6 months on, and we are now closer than we've ever been, we talk for long periods of time and go quite deep and are very honest, and we are also both much happier in ourselves . We never talk about "us" though.

She was supposed to move out 2 months ago but is now staying for another 6 months (unrelated issue). I couldnt wait for her to move out as it was killing me. Its easy get over someone when you dont see them, but I see her every single day.

Im totally crazy about her. Its the first time in years that ive felt like this about someone. I dont really show it that externally (at least I dont think:) )I really dont know how she feels. It could be either way. But I would have said the same before we got together in the first place. The truth is we did try it and it did fail.

Im constantly going through huge ups and downs, from times of happiness where I think something will happen and Im convinced she feels the same, to alot of hurt when I get indications that it could be the opposite.

I feel 15 all over again.

Im stuck with her now though for 6 months. Should I try and make forceful attempts at getting over her? Or should I say something and potentially cause awkwardness and hassle?

This is always on my mind these days, I know she thinks alot too in general but its possible she just thinks me as the "good friend", I dont know.

Any advice on how to deal with this would be great

Thanks for reading.

jdsk2006

Would you not try telling her how you feel? I mean, it could go either way but at least it would take you out of limbo for the next six months

Czarcasm

OP I was in your situation 16 years ago, I was living in a flat and a girl moved in and we got on great, a month later we started going out and skipped the whole dating thing. Sometimes yeah it was awkward as fcuk at first, and we both, like yourselves, had a lot of shìt going on.

We didn't break up though, but we talked everything out, even though sometimes it was awkward and hard and both of us felt a bit stupid opening up and exposing ourselves like that, but it brought us closer, and 16 years later we're still together!

Honestly OP, just put yourself out there, she might not feel the same way, and then again she might, but you'll never know that if at least you don't try. In six months time you could both be kicking yourselves and wondering why the other person never said anything. Nothing ventured, nothing gained OP, and truly I hope it works out for both of you!

Katgurl

Ah listen this is gonna be a great shame if you don't say something, you'll take forever to get over her as you will be wondering.

Can you move out if you have the conversation and it doesn't go to plan?

LegacyUser

Hi all, OP here,
Thanks for the advice and I was seriously considering it until this evening I found out she was off on a date with a guy she'd met a few times on a night out.

I guess to spare my feelings she never mentioned guys, even though im gutted Im really hoping this was the closure I needed to take me out of limbo so I can stop thinking about this. She was acting strange all day so I knew something was going on.

Im no longer gonna open myself up to her in that way, all Im doing is setting myself up for a fall when I do.

Although any advice on actually getting over her now would be great. Im hoping it will be alot easier now and I will stop wondering .

Thanks again

Czarcasm

Ouch! Tough break OP, but fair dues at least you took it well. Maybe when you head out yourself and you're meeting other people, like I said to another poster earlier on, it'll take your focus off her and maybe things won't be as awkward with ye in the flat.

You have to give her props too for at least trying to be considerate of your feelings and not rubbing it in your face as such, it can't have been easy for her but I'd say once the whole "relationship tension" was off ye both felt more relaxed around each other.

It didn't work out this time is all OP, but at least you gave it a shot. Onwards and upwards and all that jazz.

trio

Well, at least now you know. And yeah, best to stop with the overshare. But don't start acting funny all of a sudden, keep having chats - just keep them lighter and more superficial in tone. Just talk about films and mutual friends and stuff.

And for the love of God go out with your friends on the next big night out! Plenty more fish in the sea.

Katgurl

I still think you should say something, she may have been waiting for you and given up.

She has only been on one date with this guy, she might have decided she was living in limbo and needs to move on as you are clearly not interested.

She may not want you anymore but is that going to kill you seriously?

I have so many regrets from mixed communications over the years.

I really think you should talk to her. Then it's a new chapter either way.

StickyIcky

In my experience girls tend to go from one relationship to the next fairly quickly. Some won't even leave a relationship till another possible guy is in the picture.

OP I reckon you should just get the fk outta dodge and put her as far behind you as you can.

Out of sight out of mind.

Do whatever it takes to get over it. Personally in the past I found a combination of throwing myself into my work and whoring myself out to any female that would give me a sideways glance works. :-) seriously though, crappy break man I feel for ya. Take care of yourself and get yourself out of there ASAP. The right women is out there, this is all a learning experience.