What would you do?

LegacyUser

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months. I am crazy about him and have fallen for him for sure. He had tried to get my attention for 7 months before we ever hooked up so when we got together he was very happy and he tells me that he loves me. All has been going really nicely and I miss him terribly when he's not with me.

So here's the problem. About 6 weeks ago I saw a message on facebook from a girl saying ''babe, why aren't you answering my calls and texts anymore?''. I asked my bf about it and he said that it was a girl he kissed on a night out before he moved to Ireland 14 months ago. He messaged her and said not to call him baby or send him messages like that because he was with me and it wasn't fair for her to speak that way because she knew he had a girlfriend now.

So she's been quiet until this week! Then she put a comment under his new profile pic saying ''oooh my baby you look so hot here''. I said it to him and he said it wasn't a big deal and he'd sort it. The next day I asked what he did to sort it and he hadn't done anything but promised it was all one sided and told me she keeps calling him and commenting on his pics but that she knows he's not interested. I looked on her page today and she put a picture of herself posing about 5 weeks ago and she has him tagged in it. There are no likes or comments from him and the pic doesn't appear on his profile but he is still tagged in it. I know this is extremely childish but I feel crap about it all. I just wish she'd get lost but I don't know what else to say to him without being a bossy, psycho girlfriend?

Advice?

Czarcasm

OP it's an often overlooked question in this forum, but here I feel the question is particularly relevant-

What ages are yourself and your boyfriend and this particular girl?

LegacyUser

Sorry I should have included more info probably. My boyfriend and I are both 25. I don't know what age she is, I presume the same as us though. She lives in his home country and hasn't seen him in over 1.5 years if that makes any difference.

Blisterman

Well, from the sounds of the message, your boyfriend doesn't want anything to do with her, which is a good sign. Personally I'd just try and ignore it. She sounds like an attention seeker.

ManOfMystery

He could always unfriend her if it's that big an issue for you. The danger with that is that you're stepping into controlling girlfriend territory, which sends a very bad message to him.

He hasn't done anything wrong here to be honest - some other girl just seems to be very into him, and all the action is coming from her side. I feel ignoring her would be the best option.

Stavro Mueller

I am finding it odd though why he hasn't gone and unfriended her himself. I think it's fair to say that most people would've taken steps by now to ensure stalkerish exes wouldn't be in a position to hurt their new partners. For the moment I think it's better to leave things sit and see what happens.

Edit: On reflection maybe him ignoring her might be the right way to deal with her. Let her pester him and tag him as much as she wants. When the penny drops that she won't be getting a response from him and that she's making an eejit out of herself she'll stop.

Meller

I don't think it's controlling to ask him to unfriend her. Why is he still friends with her if she's just being rude/disrespectful/creepy? Ask him to unfriend her, I can't see why he'd disagree.

jdsk2006

Yes, definitely, he should just block her and forget her.

Katgurl

How did she tag him in a photo five weeks ago? Was it an old photo of the two of them or is he even in it?

It does sound like its all onesided so you've little to worry about.

If it was me I'd probably say to him once "listen this may seem stupid to you but that girl is really pi$$ing me off, you have asked her to stop putting stupid posts on your wall and she won't. I would really feel better if you infriended her but I'll leave it up to you"

And then tbh I would try my best to forget about her whether he infriends her or not. Some battles are just not worth Fighting and it sounds like you have a great guy there.

CaraMay

You do.sound very controlling and insecure. What does it matter what she does if you trust him? You obviously don't so you are trying to control and limit his interaction with ' temptation'. Bottom line is you cant and you are not doing yourself any favours by trying. Alarm bells would be ringing for me if my oh was as insecure as you.

Hannibal Smith

CaraMay wrote: »

You do.sound very controlling and insecure. What does it matter what she does if you trust him? You obviously don't so you are trying to control and limit his interaction with ' temptation'. Bottom line is you cant and you are not doing yourself any favours by trying. Alarm bells would be ringing for me if my oh was as insecure as you.

That's a bit dramatic. no need for alarm bells at all.

Op the other girl is being entirely inappropriate....your boyfriend seems as though he understands why you'd be annoyed and said he asked the other girl to stop. If there was something more I would expect an 'how dare you', huge reaction from him. But yiuve no reason not to trust what he's telling you.

SO rise above it. imagine being that desperate that you'd have to openly flirt with some one else's guy for attention. Don't let it bother you, she's being silly.

LegacyUser

CaraMay wrote: »

You do.sound very controlling and insecure. What does it matter what she does if you trust him? You obviously don't so you are trying to control and limit his interaction with ' temptation'. Bottom line is you cant and you are not doing yourself any favours by trying. Alarm bells would be ringing for me if my oh was as insecure as you.

..Wow.. thanks for you helpful-as-always input cara may.



To the rest of you, thank you for the feedback. For the record he did ask me if I wanted him to block her and I said it was entirely his decision and not something I wanted to have any input in for fear of it appearing that I was trying to control him or be a cow to him. I'd prefer for him to block her because he wants to instead of doing it because I asked him to if that makes sense. I also don't think seeing messages and pictures of your boyfriend tagged and titled ''my baby'' makes me insecure for asking about it and I imagine most *normal* people would agree. We will be spending tonight together so hopefully we'll get some closure on this once and for all if he brings it up. Otherwise I will follow the advice most of you gave and just leave it alone and trust that he's heard my concerns.

Thanks again!

Big Bag of Chips

OP, when you post on a public forum you have to accept that you might not always like what you hear. If something is not relevant to your situation, or you don't like the advice offered, you don't need to heed it.

The advice offered in that post, might not have been sugar-coated, but it was valid - ie - he's not doing anything wrong you sound like you don't trust him, and by asking him to remove her as a friend, you might not be doing yourself any favours, as he might feel you are trying to control him, and don't trust him.

You may not think it is valid, or relevant to you - but it is a different perspective to consider.

Anyway - seeing as you have come to a decision on what you are going to do, and don't want to get into any arguments with other posters, I'll lock your thread to save the temptation, and maybe risk posters picking up warnings and bans!

All the best
Big Bag of Chips