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  • 30-04-2013 9:38pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    How do you tell a new potential girllfriend you have 'stuff'? I have OCD . How can i ask her round to my house and tell her to take off her shoes at the door? There is a film she likes and I have . If we watch in my living room there is a rug in front of the couch and if her shoes touch that.... I do not want to go there

    If we break up then she knows all this stuff and other stuff like i have medical issues and am too tired to wash the floor after vistors so have none. i am a private person and do not want people to know


Comments

  • #2
    Neyite
    Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Putting the OCD aside for a moment, what you describe is pretty standard for a relationship - we expose ourselves, become vunerable to the other person, show our silly/weird little habits and ways, and we trust that the other person is mature and kind enough that if, down the line it does not work out, that our privacy is respected. Its the trade off for being in love. :)

    With regard to the OCD, you do need to be clear to her what she needs to do in your home to avoid it bothering you. Certainly if I was visiting someone, I would want them to tell me if I do something that bothers them, and if someone I care about says "please take off your shoes" and I know that if I don't it will cause them to be uncomfortable then I will happily oblige them.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Neyite wrote: »
    Putting the OCD aside for a moment, what you describe is pretty standard for a relationship - we expose ourselves, {quote]become vunerable to the other person, show our silly/weird little habits and ways, and we trust that the other person is mature and kind enough that if, down the line it does not work out, that our privacy is respected.
    Its the trade off for being in love. :)

    With regard to the OCD, you do need to be clear to her what she needs to do in your home to avoid it bothering you. Certainly if I was visiting someone, I would want them to tell me if I do something that bothers them, and if someone I care about says "please take off your shoes" and I know that if I don't it will cause them to be uncomfortable then I will happily oblige them.[/QUOTE]

    Is it tho? I have worked with some and do not like the "girls who kiss and tell phenomenon2 or guys who do it either. i think it shoukd be private. At breaktime spouting all about their partner private 'stuff' i would not have liked to be the partners, maybe they do not care. i would

    Women have said to me, just in non romantic conversation, " my ex did...this. my ex did that was that is that thought that.one said her ex was an alien what ever that means. i mean as in grey men not immigrants

    i would not like an ex of mine if it did not work to say these thngs


  • #4
    MissFlitworth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,057 ✭✭✭MissFlitworth


    Some of my family aren't from Ireland and grew up in places it's normal not to wear your shoes inside so they brought that over with them when they moved here. They have a wee rack for shoes just inside the door

    http://www.ikea.com/ie/en/catalog/products/20245855/

    and they have pairs of slippers there that guests can borrow

    http://www.ikea.com/ie/en/catalog/products/10215887/

    No one minds! Invite the nice lady over, take off your own shoes at the door and ask her if she wouldn't mind taking hers off too. You can even joke a little about it and say 'I'm a little OCD, no, really I am'. Have good humour about it and don't act like it's a huge problem or a huge imposition and most people will just go along with it.


  • #5
    ibarelycare
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 58,456 ✭✭✭✭ibarelycare


    OP I think it's important to be honest with your girlfriend about your OCD. I think any sort of mental issues or disorders should be laid on the table from early on. Trying to hide it is only going to cause you additional anxiety, and possible confusion and frustration for your girlfriend. A good partner will be supportive and understanding as much as they can be about something like this.

    You're jumping to conclusions that your girlfriend will talk about you in the break room in work. FWIW in all the places I've ever worked I've never discussed any of my partner's personal issues and I've never had anyone discuss their partners with me!

    And you're also already thinking about what happens if you break up and she discusses you with her next partner :confused: I think that's really strange. If things don't work out and she does discuss you with her next partner, then you're not going to have any idea that you're being discussed, so why should it bother you?

    I really think you have to be honest OP, trying to hide something that possibly affects your actions and personality is just a recipe for disaster.


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