Fixing up my brother

toastedpickles

Howdy

So basically I've a brother of 17 years of age, his life is a complete train wreck to put it politely, He left school school at 14/15 in second year due to horrible anxiety and depression, school terrifies him, even the mention of it he turns white
He's been in and out of therapy ever since, the latest has been trying to get him onto prozac, but he's not having any of it and for good reason, our cousin was and still is on them and has tried to take her life far too many times, it's hitting double digits at this stage, before she was on them, none of that happened.

He's a fairly solitary kid, has no friends and stay inside most of the time, I've gotten him to join a gym but we'l see how long it lasts, sometimes he can get a its too hard I'm quitting attitude, but for the most part he's one of the most determined people I've ever met

Even though he has very little education he is pretty damn smart, builds pc's for fun and is very politically minded

He gets nervous around people his own age and freezes up, doesn't know what to say and whatnot

We've tried to get him to at least try get back to school, through online exams or the applied leaving cert or youthreach or something, but the second it's mentioned nerves kick in

To be honest I can only foresee him relying on either myself or the state for the rest of his life if he keeps on this way and neither of us wants this, I'd like to see him over come it and be successful, but at the minute it's hard to be optimistic

Basically I'm wondering is there any hope at all for him? Could he literally start at the bottom of say a fetac lvl1 and work his way up that way? And while doing that make some friends and such along the way?

It's honestly like trying to fight a losing battle I feel

We're at our wits end

AnonoBoy

He's only 17 - of course there's hope for him.

Maybe he needs to get some counselling if his nerves are keeping him from forwarding his life.

toastedpickles

He's been to at least 6, it doesn't do the trick for him

Pinewoo

This is the problem with mental health services in Ireland, they just want to throw medication at you and make you go away. Yes there is definitely hope for your brother, my advice would be try exercise is a great idea, both for mental and physical health. Join him in the gym, make it fun, go jogging, etc

He'll find his path in life eventually, just be patient. If and when he gets through this, he will remember the people who helped along the way

AnonoBoy

toastedpickles wrote: »

He's been to at least 6, it doesn't do the trick for him

Sorry - I missed that part.

To be honest stating that because you know someone on Prozac who tried to kill themselves doesn't mean Prozac caused that.

I know someone who tried to kill themselves after they gave up drinking. I don't blame lack of alcohol for their suicide attempt though.

Perhaps medication would be something that could help him on the road to recovery.

When you say counselling 'didn't do the trick for him' - what do you mean? He's tried six so that means he's left and you got him back in. Why did he leave?

toastedpickles

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Sorry - I missed that part.

To be honest stating that because you know someone on Prozac who tried to kill themselves doesn't mean Prozac caused that.

I know someone who tried to kill themselves after they gave up drinking. I don't blame lack of alcohol for their suicide attempt though.

Perhaps medication would be something that could help him on the road to recovery.

When you say counselling 'didn't do the trick for him' - what do you mean? He's tried six so that means he's left and you got him back in. Why did he leave?

Well as for the first part I'd beg to differ on that, but each to their own, basically it works like this, when he's away from them, he's grand he can manage to an extent, and after six attempts and god know how many sessions all they do is throw pills at him and that's it, he doesn't want that, he's looking for an alternative way first, he may need them, but he's saving them as a last resort

KKkitty

Could he possibly be overly smart compared to his peers? I know nothing about building PC's but it would take a very brainy person to do that and especially for someone of his age. Maybe school isn't challenging enough for him and his anxiety is stemmed from that. Did he ever have close friends growing up?

toastedpickles

KKkitty wrote: »

Could he possibly be overly smart compared to his peers? I know nothing about building PC's but it would take a very brainy person to do that and especially for someone of his age. Maybe school isn't challenging enough for him and his anxiety is stemmed from that. Did he ever have close friends growing up?

That's it, most people his age are all into, well if you ask me and him, stupid crap

When he was growing up he did have about 4 close friends, then all the anxiety and stuff just came out of nowhere, the friends deserted him and went on about their business, I don't know much about the school part because he never talks about it, but from what I've managed to pull from him is that he found it grand, wasn't bullied and so on and it was only when tests were mentioned he'd freak out

KKkitty

toastedpickles wrote: »

That's it, most people his age are all into, well if you ask me and him, stupid crap

When he was growing up he did have about 4 close friends, then all the anxiety and stuff just came out of nowhere, the friends deserted him and went on about their business, I don't know much about the school part because he never talks about it, but from what I've managed to pull from him is that he found it grand, wasn't bullied and so on and it was only when tests were mentioned he'd freak out

Did something happen in a test before since he freaked out when tests were mentioned? Are their any PC building courses available in your area he could try? I sincerely hope whatever is getting to him comes out and he can get on with his life.

toastedpickles

KKkitty wrote: »

Did something happen in a test before since he freaked out when tests were mentioned? Are their any PC building courses available in your area he could try? I sincerely hope whatever is getting to him comes out and he can get on with his life.

Not to my knowledge no, and no there's no courses for him, seeing as he's not in school, or in a job he can't get jobseekers due to being 17, 18 in september, there's some courses but very basic ones, but you need to be on jobseekers to get it

meoklmrk91

I would have been in a very similar situation to your brother, left school at a young age due to personal issues. It took me 5 years to go back, I attended a Youthreach, completed an LCA, and went on to college. I would have had very similar reactions when school was mentioned. While I am not completely well by any means I am doing very well for somebody that everyone though would do nothing with their life.

I think Youthreach is something he should look at, Youthreach's are not for everyone but when they work well, they really work well. The LCA is based around continuous assessment and confidence building, and while there are exams they are at the end of the year giving him plenty of time to build up to it. The staff are also excellent and really supportive, for instance we had a full time counsellor on hand.

If you have any questions, ask away.

kylith

The best thing might be to find something he's interested in; computers, mechanics, whatever, and then ask him to go on an evening course in it with you. It could be that the formal learning environment of school gave him problems, so a more informal learning for the sake of learning could help get him started toward something. Do something ye'd both be interested in, have a bit of a laugh, see if anything sparks his interest.

School and exams aren't for everyone. I used to know a guy who was severely dyslexic and got no-where in school, but an internship in a garage allowed him to access it in a more hands-on way which he could deal with better, and really was the making of him. I know you haven't said that your brother is dyslexic, but I'm just making the point that schools aren't the be all and end all, and some people learn better in different ways.

Diziet

It is important to engage with the medical team who is supporting him. Anti depressants work well for many people; a one off anecdote about prozac is not something to base a decision on. It is very hard on the family to try and fix somone with depression, and not always successful. He, with your support, will need to find what works for him. It is a shame to miss out on his education if he is bright; it is important to get to the underlying reasons for that.

Another thought: if a person is autistic, or on the autistic spectrum, then a lot of counselling and many of the usual treatments for depression won't be useful; it needs to be targeted. I am only mentioning this because this was the experience of a good friend; years of depression, did not respond to treatment and then he was diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder. Once this was known, treatment and counselling were tailored to his needs, with very good results.

discus

OP, the fact that you've encouraged your brother to avoid the prozac presecription was a rather ignorant and selfish move on your part. If he's been to see 5 professionals with no good result, I'd highly suggest that the 6th man who proposed prozac didn't the the decision likely. "he doesn't want that, he's looking for an alternative way first, he may need them, but he's saving them as a last resort"... OP he's approaching the age when depressed men consider suicide, if a supportive family and therapists can't help, then I'd argue that a prescription could well be his last resort.

KKkitty wrote: »

Could he possibly be overly smart compared to his peers? I know nothing about building PC's but it would take a very brainy person to do that and especially for someone of his age. Maybe school isn't challenging enough for him and his anxiety is stemmed from that. Did he ever have close friends growing up?

Unless he's passing with all A's in school, I doubt his problem is that he's under-stimulated academically.

discus

discus wrote: »

Unless he's passing with all A's in school, I doubt his problem is that he's under-stimulated academically.

A pattern of being understimulated leads to zero motivation which can lead to average grades. Bs, maybe. It's not the first thing to look to, particularly if he's having trouble otherwise in school.

Your brother needs more professional help and overcoming this anxiety - identifying the root cause and tackling it.

Sleepy

KKkitty wrote: »

Could he possibly be overly smart compared to his peers? I know nothing about building PC's but it would take a very brainy person to do that and especially for someone of his age. Maybe school isn't challenging enough for him and his anxiety is stemmed from that. Did he ever have close friends growing up?

I'm afraid PC building is really no more complex than a 14+ Lego set so don't over-estimate his abilities on this basis.