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Friend troubles

  • 27-04-2013 7:10pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I suppose i'm writing here to get advice on two issues which have been bothering me recently and they're kind of related. I'm 20 years old and my first problem is that I'm in the awkward position where I like my friend as more than a friend. Secondly, I over analyze things way too much.

    An example of the two of my issues combining occurred recently on a night out. My friend knows I like her as I told her on a night out a few months back when we drunk. We had kind of forgotten/not mentioned it until last Thursday when we were out in a nightclub, both drunk. She ended up saying she likes me too and we kissed. The next day we were both slightly regretful of the kiss (because of the fact it happened while ridiculously drunk) and she suggested sweeping the incident under the carpet. The problem is that I can't stop thinking about the fact that we kissed. Most normal people could easily brush this off as a drunken kiss and think no more about it. Why can't I do that? Seems easy for her to do, I am fairly confident she is the kind of person who wouldn't analyze things much. I feel sometimes like I've no emotional stability. Once I like someone I find it very difficult to stop analyzing my every interaction with them. I'd rather stay friends than sacrifice the friendship over a possible failed relationship. Does anyone have advice as to how to stop this type of behaviour, and how to convince myself that all we ever should be is friends? It's having a detrimental effect on my education and general level of happiness


Comments

  • #2
    mathproblem
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 455 ✭✭mathproblem


    Eh she said she likes you and you kissed and now you want to find out how to make pretending you have no feelings for her actually be having no feelings for her when you do have feelings for her. All just because she was a bit awkward about it the next day. She was probably awkward about it the next day and wanting to brush it under the carpet because she thought that's how you were feeling.

    Why don't you stand up straight, throw your shoulders back and just tell her "**** it no, I wont pretend I've no feelings for you, I like you and I'd like to try something more". Put it in a short note if you have to. Less of the drunken crap though just be straight up, "this is what i am, this is what i feel & this is what i want... you"

    If she rejects you in the cold light of day after that then you can grieve for what never became and move on with your life. The reason you keep analyzing it in your head is because there's still something there, you wont be able to make them feelings disappear until you have a clear answer. Confessing feelings one night & kissing and then being bashful about it in the morning is not a clear answer.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    mathproblem wrote: »
    Eh she said she likes you and you kissed and now you want to find out how to make pretending you have no feelings for her actually be having no feelings for her when you do have feelings for her. All just because she was a bit awkward about it the next day. She was probably awkward about it the next day and wanting to brush it under the carpet because she thought that's how you were feeling.

    Why don't you stand up straight, throw your shoulders back and just tell her "**** it no, I wont pretend I've no feelings for you, I like you and I'd like to try something more". Put it in a short note if you have to. Less of the drunken crap though just be straight up, "this is what i am, this is what i feel & this is what i want... you"

    If she rejects you in the cold light of day after that then you can grieve for what never became and move on with your life. The reason you keep analyzing it in your head is because there's still something there, you wont be able to make them feelings disappear until you have a clear answer. Confessing feelings one night & kissing and then being bashful about it in the morning is not a clear answer.

    My problem is though that deep down I know just being friends would be the best arrangement for the two of us. If any attempt at a relationship went haywire, the friendship would be ruined. I'm just not sure how to stop feeling attracted to this person in the quickest way possible.


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