life going nowhere fast

LegacyUser

I really don't even know where to start. Never even wrote on here before but i honestly just need to get it out. My life is going nowhere and i'm starting to get really down about it. I'm a 27 year old still living at home still working in a part time job that i had in college. I have really low self esteem issues. I've been in a few relationships on long term one that lasted 5 years and whom i suspect I've never really got over. and after that it just went from bad to worse some with both physical and emotional abuse. I always seem to go for guy that is no good for me everyone else sees it and if I' m honest i see it too but i can't stop its like I want it to fail or want to get hurt and i don't know why. I didn't have a fairly normal childhood and normal relationships with my family and friends. I know in my mind i want to settle down have a nice relationship and get married all that stuff but anytime a nice guy comes along who could give that to me i push them away find some fault and go for the guy who breaks my heart. I feel like I am stuck in a rut and don't even know where to start on how to get out of it. I'm trying to save up to move out but job doesn't pay well so will take a while. Sometimes i get so down when i think of everything i cry myself to sleep every night and constantly like failure because I'm still at home working same job for 8 years while everyone seems to be moving on with there life I'm stuck. Thanks for reading.

Neyite

I would disagree about saving up to move out - I'd use that money to get some counselling for your self esteem - its a lifetime investment that will be well worth the money for years to come and I believe you need to work on yourself so that you have the courage in the years to come to go for new jobs, move into different flatshares, learn how to be assertive in these situations, and recognise unhealthy relationship patterns before you get in too deep.

You can always move out in six months once you have made little changes.

You are only 27. I started counselling at 28 for a similar reason, and less than a year later lots of things fell into place for me, and a decade on, life is good. Its very easy to stay where its familiar, be that a job, a house, or a relationship, even if you know its not in your best interests, and low self esteem compounds this by convincing you that its all you deserve, or that you couldnt possibly be lucky enough to have more. But thats your self esteem talking. By ultimately taking charge and building up your self esteem you will open up a lot more possibilities for yourself.

LegacyUser

Hi, Thanks for your advice seems like a good idea and a good place to start and i I think my low self esteem is a major problem in my life. Any ideas how i would even going about finding a counselor like that? i was just reading back through my post i meant to say i did have a fairly normal childhood and relationships with family and friends not didn't.

LegacyUser

Hey OP, you sound an awful lot like I was a few years ago... I used to be depressed cause all my friends were starting to have a career while I was still living at home with the same ****ty part time job I'd always had. I did a few interviews which went horribly wrong and I for a long time I wouldn't apply for any jobs. With the girls I was a joke, kept meeting girls in nightclubs and would ruin every single healthy relationship I was in... I would lie to them and pretend I actually had a nice job and lived in a flatshare, then run away from them when they wanted to come over to mine etc. At some point I just realised I was going nowhere and that I was sabotaging my own happiness by torturing me with my "failure". I was only focusing on the negatives. Have to say that I actually met a great girl when I hit rock bottom and she helped me overcome my insecurities. Which is a lot considering that I also lied to her as well! So don't go for the bad guys, I'm sure you deserve the good ones and also no one who is worth it will turn you down because you live with your parents or don't have the job of your life just yet. If anything they will help you get there, which is what happened to me. Don't think your life is a failure because you're not where you want to be yet, and don't think so negative of yourself only because a few things aren't going right. Best of luck!