Being Used!!

shinesun

Ok. Staying with few girls at the min&there is a shop across the road. When I came first girl used to go across and get her own cigarettes. Now the last few times she asked me when I have not intended to go out. I just be sitting down and she would ask would I go across for her. I say yes all the time but do be thinking oh my gosh you are so lazy and I'm not your slave but I go ahead anyway!!
The last straw came 2nite when she asked me to go across for another girl to get her cigarettes!! Of course like a tool I went off and got them.
She always asks me to go down town also cos she does not want to go down on her own. Again using me! I'm such a twat. When she asks me 2moro, I'm going to be busy.
I do feel like saying about the cigarettes god have u not got 2 legs!! It's literally a min across the road !!
I don't think I will say anything tho as only a few days left and girls can be very bitchy. I do tend 2 attract users tho and always say yes 2 everything!

rainbowtrout

This is all of your own doing. All you have to do is say 'No, why don't you get them yourself'. She's cheeky to ask, but you are even more foolish to do it for her. If you are going to run her errands and never say no, yes of course she is going to use you.

shinesun

Yep it is. Guess I'm afraid of confrontation and the bitchiness that will follow.
If she asks me 2moro, I will say no and then will only have to endure her for a few days.

Raminahobbin

Yeah...you definitely need to stop letting people walk all over you. It shouldn't be a big deal to say no for something like this. I seriously doubt she'd take offence to you refusing to get her cigarettes

she's not using you- she's just being lazy. The problem here is with you- you need to be more assertive.

Jonty

OP are you paying for them too??

shinesun

Nope

CaraMay

Are you paying your way while you are staying with them?

judgefudge

Just to say OP. the problem here is not entirely with you. I mean yes, of course you need to learn to be more assertive and stand up for yourself.

But on the other hand, this girl sounds like a cow. Who asks their roommate to go to the shop for their smokes?! She sounds like a horrible person to exploit your weak spot.

So yes, you need to change, but you also just happen to be in the company of a horrible person!

Koptain Liverpool

shinesun wrote: »

I do feel like saying about the cigarettes god have u not got 2 legs!! It's literally a min across the road !!

Don't make any excuses, why should you??

All you need to say is two words - fukc off!

Seriously - I wouldn't run errands like that for my best mate (unless he had a broken leg or something).
If any of my house mates asked me to go to the shop for them when I wasn't going myself I'd give them some look.

And I can't believe she asked you to go for her mate - she was intentionally doing that to take the piss out of you and they probably had a good laugh behind your back.
Tell her rudely no - she doesn't deserve any respect from you.

Koptain Liverpool

Koptain Liverpool wrote: »

Don't make any excuses, why should you??

All you need to say is two words - fukc off!

Seriously - I wouldn't run errands like that for my best mate (unless he had a broken leg or something).
If any of my house mates asked me to go to the shop for them when I wasn't going myself I'd give them some look.

And I can't believe she asked you to go for her mate - she was intentionally doing that to take the piss out of you and they probably had a good laugh behind your back.
Tell her rudely no - she doesn't deserve any respect from you.

Would that really be the best option? Would it not be better to deal with everything in a rational manner instead of going for the extreme one? She has been letting it happen, instead of standing up for herself.

Koptain Liverpool

Deleted User wrote: »

Would that really be the best option? Would it not be better to deal with everything in a rational manner instead of going for the extreme one? She has been letting it happen, instead of standing up for herself.

Well yeah, I was being overly dramatic - there's no need to start a row of course but she should stand up for herself very firmly

Diziet

Just prepare some words for the next time you are asked. It can simply be - No, sorry, I am just about to do <something>, or I am just in the middle of this. This is non confrontational and still a No if repeated every time she asks.

shinesun

Thanks guys. Shock horror she act went and got her own cigs this morn but I was prepared to say no. I won't be holding her hand going down town either - I'll be meeting someone
Yday I did say underneath my breath, she thinks I'm a slave so maybe she heard that. Anyway def have learned have to say no lot more and in general not not just to her.
She is lazy though cos she asked another a girl to watch her chips while she had a cig outside the door.They burnt and now I'm thinking that the girl let them burn!!
Do pay my way here.

shinesun

Koptain Liverpool wrote: »

Don't make any excuses, why should you??

All you need to say is two words - fukc off!

Seriously - I wouldn't run errands like that for my best mate (unless he had a broken leg or something).
If any of my house mates asked me to go to the shop for them when I wasn't going myself I'd give them some look.

And I can't believe she asked you to go for her mate - she was intentionally doing that to take the piss out of you and they probably had a good laugh behind your back.
Tell her rudely no - she doesn't deserve any respect from you.

When she asked me to go for her friend- I got the friend the light ones instead of the stronger ones and whoops apologised that I got the wrong ones. I don't smoke so could get away with it. I know that was petty thing to do but was so angry I did it anyway!!

Maybe instead of wasting money and the other girl burning chips, you can learn to say no upfront instead of taking a petty passive aggressive approach.

kjl

I would turn it around, I would ask her to go to the shop for you some time. If she complains, just simply highlight the fact that you always go for her.

Stavro Mueller

Learning to say no is an invaluable life skill. There will always be people who'll chance their arm like this girl. People who can sense when someone's a bit soft. If you don't learn how to say no in its many varying forms, then you better get used to being a doormat all your life.

ash23

Next time she asks just say "it's your turn to go, will you get me a bag of Monster Munch when you go, here's a euro"

Czarcasm

OP honestly- If it looks like a doormat, and behaves like a doormat, people will treat it as a doormat.

You won't have actually lost out on anything by the sounds of it and of course this girl is going to be offended that she can't use you as a doormat any more, but she'll find someone else, there's plenty of them around, but at least you know it won't be you any more.

shinesun

Well- she just asked me there was I busy. I said I was and she said she was going to ask me 2 go across for fags. I said I was watching tv and going to have a bath which is the truth and that it is only across the road. Yday I prob would of jumped up + went out!
When I said no she answered ' I'm a lazy bitch' so she knows herself. That is what she said about herself. She is act gone out there now to the shop herself now.
Another so called friend of mine wanted me to go out next weekend but I'm not pushed as just out of a long term relationship.I texted her at 9am this morn 2 say I wud not be going out nd no answer back cos she only wanted to use me too. She is one 2 use me too on her terms.. said I'd meet her during d week for a tea. She would normally reply after a few hours or on her lunch or whatever. Today is the start of me not being a doormat!!
Thanks guys for all your advice:)

Czarcasm

shinesun wrote: »

Today is the start of me not being a doormat!!
Thanks guys for all your advice:)

Glad to hear it OP, it can be a little unnerving to be assertive at first, but as you assert yourself more and more you'll find your self-confidence increasing in tandem.

Confident people are instantly more attractive for all the RIGHT reasons as opposed to acting like a doormat which attracts people for all the wrong reasons.