Great One Liners...

Dietsquirt

Anyone have any great one-liners, i heard this one the other day and i think it's excellent:

(When speaking about a great looking woman)

'I'd swim through a river of **** to suck the c$ck of the last man that f$cked her...'

Anyone else got any? Doesn't have to be directed at women.:pac:

kfallon

I'd drag me mickey thru a mile of broken glass, douse it in salt & vinegar just to hear her fart thru a walkie talkie

Shamozzle

I wouldn't give her one if I had a bag of mickys.

DazMarz

Take my wife... please!

I bring my wife everywhere, but she still finds her way home.

You can beat eggs, but you can't beat a ****.

CaraMay

He should be shot with his own sh!te....

Ihatecuddles-old

She had a fanny like a stab wound in a gorillas back.

She had a fanny like a Dubliners tribute band.

Face like a melted boot.

If I had a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall.

delaval

As busy as a dog in a tyre factory

Jesus that fella wouldn't drive an ass out of a sand pit


If there was work in the bed he'd sleep on the floor

moy83

Id eat a mile of her sh1te just to see the hole it came out of

Dietsquirt

kfallon wrote: »

I'd drag me mickey thru a mile of broken glass, douse it in salt & vinegar just to hear her fart thru a walkie talkie

I'm stealing that;)

Praetorian Saighdiuir

If ya kicked her a bag of mickeys would fall out of her.

I wouldn't ride her into battle.

He has a face like a bag of smashed crabs.

Vito Corleone

I'm John Wayne at the first thanksgiving, PILGRIMS! Happy thanksgiving, PILGRIMS!

monflat

The best of you ran down your mothers leg

Chop Chop

I'd love you to suck the bulb off me...

dickwod1

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

PeteEd

Shes been cocked more times than Davy Crocketts rifle

Chuck Stone

Knock KnocK

Who's there?

Dr. Who.

Dr. Who, who?

No, just Dr Who.
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Am I doing it right?

stefan idiot jones

Shakin' like a ****tin dog.

moy83

More pricks in her than a dartboard

jimmy180sx

Im so hungry, id eat a nuns arse through the convent gates

kfallon

About a 'loose' woman:

"It'd be like opening the window and trying to fúck the night!"

A gee like a ripped out fireplace

A gee like a clowns pocket

A gee like a torn handbag

She's seen more cockends than weekends

She's seen more Japs eyes than an Asian optician

She's seen more German helmets than Hitler

I wouldn't get up on her to hang wallpaper

stefan idiot jones

Got a face like a bulldog licking piss of a nettle.

stefan idiot jones

She is so cross eyed, tears run down her back.

henrysellers1

I left her with a face like a painter's radio

stefan idiot jones

She has got a gash like a burst rugby ball.

stefan idiot jones

He is as thick as a rhino's foreskin.

token101

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

daithi1970

I got fired from a taxidermy for doing a half-assed job..

ProudDUB

Way hay back in the stone age, when the Spice Girls were The Next Big Thing, and Becks still played for Man U, Posh Spice and Naomi Campbell met in the Directors Box at Old Trafford. Each one was vying to be the coolest chick in Blair's Cool Britannia. The following pissing contest is supposed to have ensued.

Naomi Campbell: So. Why do they call you Posh then?

Victoria Beckham: I don't know, why do they call you beautiful?

Pretty bad ass come back imo !

stefan idiot jones

Drippin' like a f*ucked fridge.

Ihatecuddles-old

stefan idiot jones wrote: »

Drippin' like a f*ucked fridge.

You could drown a cat in her knickers!

stefan idiot jones

I used to out with a redhead, no hair, just a red head.

stefan idiot jones

Her clunge was like a wallpaper pasters bucket.

Ihatecuddles-old

Carlsberg don't do redheads.

Nobody f*cking does!!

mfceiling

Donegal man talking about the wife..

"She's no racehorse but she does for riding around the house"

ITS_A_BADGER

She has a face on her like she was dunking for apples in a deep fat fryer

monflat

I wouldnt give her one with yours

Lelantos

Why do women wear tampons when skydiving....so they don't whistle on the way down.

SV

The best one I ever heard was about a fairly slutty kind of girl. Not talking about the kind that sleeps with a different guy every weekend, that's not even that bad, this was the kind of girl who'd give a lad a blowjob in the toilets then go home with a different one 3 or 4 times a week.

anyway one of the lads got with her one time and to describe how easy it was for him to get her he says;

"that one would take mickey off of a conveyor belt"

Mariasofia

The tide wouldn't take him out....
He'd get up on a gust of wind....

Claregirl

He's as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.

x43r0

I'd crawl a million miles through broken glass just to sniff the exhaust fumes of the van that takes her knickers to the cleaners!

ToddyDoody

No, its all the burgers you've eaten that make your arse look big. (in response to 'Does this dress make my bum look big?')

razorblunt

If I had a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the fence.

A0

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the keen edge

When God was giving out dicks you said "Over here son, on me head"

dupeters

bad luck one liner
if i fell into a barell of tits i would come out sucking me own thumb!!!!

ButtersSuki

"I wouldn't f_ck her for practice" was one an acquaintance of mine was fond of saying......

dupeters

i would ate chips out of her knickers !!!!!!

johnayo

dupeters wrote: »

i would ate chips out of her knickers !!!!!!

She's seen more dickies than dinners.

NuckingFacker

I liked Robbie Williams' one -"I'm up here on stage and my Auntie is looking down on me as I perform-she's not dead, just really condescending"

dupeters

ignorance-- whats the story with that?????????