Killing myself with food

LegacyUser

Hi,

I need help as this has been going on for years, I am currently 4 stone overweight and pre diabetic and if I continue like this by 40 I will be joining the statistics of my family with heart disease too.

I have over eaten as a child and always comforted myself with food. There have been times when I've gotten my weight down but I can't ever seem to keep it down. Since 21, I havwe lost and regained a total of 13 stone intermittedly, now at 36, i'm back to 14 stone.

The only time I was underweight was when I was replacing food with alcohol and cigarettes, in my early 20s but I knocked all that on the head and don't smoke now and only drink occasionally.

I've joined the gym as I have back trouble and have started weight training which I like and will be uping my cardio soon as well, but it doesn't matter how much I hit the gym or how much exercise I do, if I stuff my face with junk food, it's all pointless.

And I know this, I knnow it all too well, I know if I grink plenty of water, eat fruit, veg and unprocessed food all I have to do is wait and the weight will drop off, yet everyday, I find myself eating chocolate and rubbish that I know is responsible for my ill health and making me feel like ****.

I have said it to my GP, he doesn't have much pass on it because I don't make myself sick.
Counselling was ok, but she just focused on other stuff that didn't help with the food issues.

This is just a viciuos circle and I want to get better, I know I just have to back away from the table, don't buy it and I won't eat it, just stop.... it has all been said to me before, but I feel about food now as I did about alcohol back in my early days. It feels like an addiction and people just laugh if you say that. The problem with food addiction is that you need to eat to survive where as I can leave alcohol and live without it.

Is there somewhere I can get help privately that I don't need a GP referral, I have a bit of I could allocate to this as the way I see it, I'II be needing money for health care if I don't help myself now.

Please take this seriously as I am really at the end of my tether. I have a gym appointment tommorow but I know I won't bring this up with a young lad that's just out of college and won't get it, no offence to anyone.

I just don't know why food has such a hold over me. My poor husband doesn't know what to do to help but at least I told him the truth, so that's a start in the right directio too.

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

Taltos

Hi OP

as you know we cannot give medical advice here. However on our Charter we have the following two links - maybe look into them and give one or both a call?

http://www.bodywhys.ie/

http://www.eatingdisorders.ie/aboutus.htm

RossFixxxed

Is it possible there are psychological issues behind this? Is there a reason you are complled to eat so much? This isn't an area I have any real knowledge about but from what people have told me there is nearly always soemthing in them that they needed to fill, be it with food, sex, drugs, booze etc.

username123

foodfighter wrote: »

I have said it to my GP, he doesn't have much pass on it because I don't make myself sick.

Grrrr - it always pee's me off when people feel they are getting no help from their GP.

Get a new GP, someone who will listen to you and refer you to the correct specialist. This is causing you massive emotional distress (not to mention physical issues).

ibarelycare

OP just because you're not making yourself sick, it doesn't mean you don't have an eating disorder. Overeating should be considered as serious as bulimia or anorexia. Please speak to a different doctor and absolutely have a look at the links that Taltos posted.

Do you live in Dublin by any chance? If so, check out the Marino Institute for Eating Distress Studies. It deals with all sorts of eating disorders and they offer group as well as individual therapy sessions.

You could also look at Overeaters Anonymous. Just be aware that this has a religious undertone to it, like most Anonymous groups.

username123

ibarelycare wrote: »

You could also look at Overeaters Anonymous. Just be aware that this has a religious undertone to it, like most Anonymous groups.

Id just like to correct the above common misconception and say that its not religious but spiritual that is the undertone of Anon groups.

As an atheist I attended an Anon group for many years and I personally accepted the idea of evolution/nature/science as a higher power than me - all that is required is the acceptance of a higher power, it doesnt have to be a religious god.

Of course in Ireland some groups will interpret things in a more commonly "catholic" way than others simply because of the cultural background of the members.

But I certainly wouldnt warn someone off an Anon group for fear of "religion" per say.

There is also a saying "Take what you like and leave the rest behind" - many people left the god references behind I can assure you.

So - OP - dont be put off group therapy by a perception that its religious.

Angelmangle

What you have to realise is that certain foods are addictive, highly addictive in fact. The more of them you eat the more you want. White refined sugar is hugely addictive and in almost all proceessed foods that we buy and it is one of the constituents in modern diets which make it so hard for people to lose weight and stop eating unhealthy food. It affects your brain chemistry, makes your body fat, causes all kinds of problems in the human body but it is very very difficult to give up even when you know you should. It is designed by food manufacturers to be addictive so that you will become hooked and buy more of their products. Chocolate, white bread, white unrefined pasta are all sugar when assimilated into the body and have the same affect on your blood sugar levels.

My best advise to you would be to start doing some research into healthy eating and food addiction. What you learn might really surprise you and knowledge is power. Patrick Holford is very good, and one of my favourite authors is Jason Vale. I started juicing because of him and it has really changed my life very much for the better, I personally could not recomend his books highly enough. He has written extensively on food and food addiction and is very informative and sympathetic.

Best of luck with your journey, there is a lot of information and help out there you just have to seek it.

ibarelycare

username123 wrote: »

Id just like to correct the above common misconception and say that its not religious but spiritual that is the undertone of Anon groups.

Apologies for my ignorance, I stand corrected

LegacyUser

Thank you for your replies.

I should probably make it cleat I'm not looking for medical advice here and thank you for the links that were posted.

Yes, I do believe the issues are psychological, and I dodn't know whether there's truth in people having an addictive personality, but it feels that way.

I have spoken to two doctors at my practise, they referred me to a phychiatrist, who really couldn't do anything as it wasn't his field.

I guess I just feel lost and and a bit hopeless right now, I keep myself going by at least thinking I'II be strong physically from the weight training and one old injury I had has ceased paining me as I've built up muscle around the damaged area.

With a history of depression that is all the GP or any one he sends me to can see. I live in the wexford/waterford or could even drive to kilkenny if there was someone anyone knew of that could help.
I did check out Bodywhys once but they only had programmes for younger people at the time.

Of course money is a factor, but like I said, if it meant improving future health it would be worth it.

I'm just so stressed out about everything at the moment and things get on top of me and of course when that happens I just unconciously eat myself sick. Yet even seeing it written down here in black and white has no effect on me stopping.

On the plus side, I have eaten healthily today, and if I can get through the rest of the day without overeating, it'll be a little triumph I suppose.

Thank you.

RossFixxxed

Be kind to yourself OP. Take very small steps.

Don't give up looking for a reference to a professional. There IS help there. It's insanely frustrating, and I have actually thought about setting up a group for this issue, that some doctors fob these things off, or won't refer you to the right mental health professional.

I was told, when going with a severe leg injury, to get a walk and my mental health would improve all by itself. It's madness. And I couldn't even walk with the injury as it was. Blinding stupidity.

Don't let anyone stop you getting help. We're all here to do what we can.

Get the depression / stress sorted first, and the eating will follow hoepefully.

jdsk2006

You have got excellent advice here but i just want to add that maybe hypnosis might be an option to give you the headstart in making the huge changes your facing.
As i write this I'm thinking of taking my own advice on board!!!

LegacyUser

I've been battling to keep my weight down all my life too. I know exactly how you feel. I'm chipping in with something that I do which has helped me a lot. I've got a friend who I've confided in about my weight. Now every evening I send her a text or an email with the total calories I ate that day. It helps me stay on the straight and narrow (most of the time!) because I feel like I'm responsible to someone other than me. I'm not saying you shouldn't seek professional help but maybe you could do this too.

Queen-Mise

fatpolecat wrote: »

I've been battling to keep my weight down all my life too. I know exactly how you feel. I'm chipping in with something that I do which has helped me a lot. I've got a friend who I've confided in about my weight. Now every evening I send her a text or an email with the total calories I ate that day. It helps me stay on the straight and narrow (most of the time!) because I feel like I'm responsible to someone other than me. I'm not saying you shouldn't seek professional help but maybe you could do this too.

This is very coincidental.

Something similar happens in Overeaters Anonymous. From what I understand of it - a person sends a text message in the morning planning what they are going to eat for the day.
I presume it helps with urges or taking control back or something.


Lots of help out there OP. I have heard good reports back on Bodywhys & OA.

LegacyUser

Hello Foodfighter,

I know what you are going through as I have been there. Your eating because your unhappy and unhappy because you are eating. I spent years doing this.
Last year I heard about slimming world and I decided to join it.
On this diet you can eat until your full on healthy foods, can eat potatoes, rice and pasta, meat, fruit, veg and no fat yougerts.
You are allowed a certain amount of low fat/skim milk each day along with a certain amount of bread/wheetabix. You are also allow 5 to 15 syns each day ( 1 syn = 20 cals) so you can use your syns towards a nice sauce for your dinner, a takeaway or some chocolate each day so you don't feel deprived.
Since then I have lost over 4 stone in weight. This time last year I could not walk more that 500 meters with out stopping for a breath - today I can do a 3 km plus walk. People that have not seen me in a while are commenting on the change in me. I still have a few more stone to lose but I am working away on this. If you want to find out were your nearest class is just look up on slimmingworld.ie and just find your county.
I have tried lots of thing to lose weight but slimming world has changed my life for the better.

LegacyUser

Thank you again for the replies.

I feel a bit better as it is, just by putting it down here and seeing that there's others out there that are feeling the same with regards the eating and with the medical profession.

I did go to the gym today and spoke to the gym instructor, One about my back injury and how we can improve that b ut I also told him that I want to get my weight under control and cut out the risk of diabetes and health problems that face me down the road.

It's a starting point and he seemed to be on the same page as me, he did refer to the physical addiction of sugar like a previous poster and the way it it literally rammed down our necks. He appealled to my cynical conspiracy side( I mean this lightly, it's my kind of humour) and told me to think of it all as a huge marketing ploy by the food industry making me sick and the drug industry gaining from my ill health as a result.
It was certainly food for thought, perhaps the only food I should have today.

So far the last two days have been better and I really think t is because I just faced it here.

Thank you again.

fiona-f

Well done on the improvement. I have had similar issues and I find a food diary helps a lot. I make myself record every thing that goes into my mouth. By doing this, even my most awful food binge days are less than they were and seeing a record of a good day gives me strength for a bad one. You can get apps to make this even easier, I use My Fitness Pal which is good, even if their daily calorie guidelines tend to be on the low side. But it's more the act of recording that helps me. Or you can just use a notebook and pen.


My problem lies in eating poorly when I am alone. Channel 4 have recently shown a series called Secret Eating, which captures this problem very well and which has a helpful website if this applies to you too.

And keep on trying to get the medical support you feel you need. Your gym trainer sounds like he "gets" you too so hopefully that will be another source of support.

Queen-Mise

foodfighter wrote: »

He appealled to my cynical conspiracy side( I mean this lightly, it's my kind of humour) and told me to think of it all as a huge marketing ploy by the food industry making me sick and the drug industry gaining from my ill health as a result.

Do you know I wouldn't be in the slightest bit surprised. It would be interesting to see if something like Nestle also has a pharmaceutical side.

I think I might go over to the conspiracy theory forum... :rolleyes:

beks101

This isn't about food.

No diet and exercise advice is going to help you. People with food addictions usually know all the ins and outs of good nutrition, healthy eating, calorie requirements, optimum eating schedules, food ratios, blah blah blah...you've lost a massive amount of weight before, you could probably write a book on it.

What you need to explore is the WHY....absolutely NOT the HOW. Why do you overeat? What are you scared of?

You know HOW to stop overeating and to diet and lose weight and you're finding it impossible to do. And what's more, that inability is probably riddling you with shame and self-hatred and self-disgust and frustration - the things that fuel your overeating. Once you figure out and resolve the REASONS why you overeat, the healthy lifestyle stuff will follow.

Those reasons have a deep history and no quick-fix diet or big weight loss is going to make them disappear.

I once heard a phrase that transformed my own way of thinking: we do what works for us.

All this seemingly self-destructive, counter productive behaviour - it's doing something important for you. Your relationship with food and your weight is serving you in some way. And if you want to get and stay healthy, you need to figure out how. From there you can learn new coping mechanisms other than food as a way of dealing with life, and stress, and your emotions, but until you dig deep and seek out these answers, you're going to continue the way you are with the out-of-control eating, food obsessions and yo-yo dieting.

It's that simple and that difficult.

It'll be the challenge of a lifetime, and you have to ask yourself, do you really want to change? Can you envisage a life where food is just functional and not something to seek comfort in; where stress isn't rewarded with those gorging episodes; where you just have to feel those horribly painful uncomfortable emotions and not numb them through food; where you have to face a few home truths about yourself and not procrastinate on your health (and your life) through those binge-eating episodes? Where you let go of this magical dream of being this slim, fabulous, flawless human being and accept the fact that even if you do lose weight right now, you'll just be a smaller version of a person you don't like very much?

Because weight loss is just that - the loss of extra body weight. It's not a magic pill, it's not a cure-all for your personal issues, it's simply a smaller body mass with the added benefit of improved health. No more, no less.

I would strongly advise doing a LOT of research into therapists and shopping around to find the best fit for you. Meet with professionals, find someone who has experience dealing with food and body image issues, talk, suss out your level of comfort and chemistry with them. It may be psychotherapy that suits you, it may be group therapy, it may be Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. And it will take years. A lot of tears and pain and discomfort and anger and reactionary binge eating and relapsing - as with any addiction. And it'll probably cost a damn sight too.

But that's what recovery will take.

If you make a carefully considered decision and whole-hearted effort to choose this path without placing any conditions on the recovery or on yourself - it will be the investment of a lifetime.

But no-one here can help you with that choice.

feargale

Try the 5/2. It's for life but it's not oppressive.

LegacyUser

Thank you for the replies.

Thank you for such a detailed post Beks101. All you have said does make sense. I have slowly learned some things throughout the last year or so and the main one is that I don't believe I deserve any better and I certainly never put myself first.

I have to change this faulty way of thinking that i'm stuck in.

Change is scary and on some level maybe I'm scared to change.

Yes, I have indulged in destructive behaviour for far too long and I need to open up to someone and get all this hurt out of me, but I have met so many people out there that have in fact made me worse, and like you said, I could right a book on the subject, I'II even let you in on the real irony here, I have a Diploma in Diet, Health and Exercise.......

What it boils own to is one thing, I have to trust myself 100%, go with my gut and keep telling myself, 'we do what works for us'. I know what works for me, I really, really do, now I just have to believe in myself.

One breath at a time, One day at a time, and know there is no one judging me but ME.

LegacyUser

foodfighter wrote: »

Hi,

I need help as this has been going on for years, I am currently 4 stone overweight and pre diabetic and if I continue like this by 40 I will be joining the statistics of my family with heart disease too.

I have over eaten as a child and always comforted myself with food. There have been times when I've gotten my weight down but I can't ever seem to keep it down. Since 21, I havwe lost and regained a total of 13 stone intermittedly, now at 36, i'm back to 14 stone.

The only time I was underweight was when I was replacing food with alcohol and cigarettes, in my early 20s but I knocked all that on the head and don't smoke now and only drink occasionally.

I've joined the gym as I have back trouble and have started weight training which I like and will be uping my cardio soon as well, but it doesn't matter how much I hit the gym or how much exercise I do, if I stuff my face with junk food, it's all pointless.

And I know this, I knnow it all too well, I know if I grink plenty of water, eat fruit, veg and unprocessed food all I have to do is wait and the weight will drop off, yet everyday, I find myself eating chocolate and rubbish that I know is responsible for my ill health and making me feel like ****.

I have said it to my GP, he doesn't have much pass on it because I don't make myself sick.
Counselling was ok, but she just focused on other stuff that didn't help with the food issues.

This is just a viciuos circle and I want to get better, I know I just have to back away from the table, don't buy it and I won't eat it, just stop.... it has all been said to me before, but I feel about food now as I did about alcohol back in my early days. It feels like an addiction and people just laugh if you say that. The problem with food addiction is that you need to eat to survive where as I can leave alcohol and live without it.

Is there somewhere I can get help privately that I don't need a GP referral, I have a bit of I could allocate to this as the way I see it, I'II be needing money for health care if I don't help myself now.

Please take this seriously as I am really at the end of my tether. I have a gym appointment tommorow but I know I won't bring this up with a young lad that's just out of college and won't get it, no offence to anyone.

I just don't know why food has such a hold over me. My poor husband doesn't know what to do to help but at least I told him the truth, so that's a start in the right directio too.

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear of your struggles.

Firstly, the "cut it out" "don't buy it" attitude is in my opinion wrong, if you try cut everything out and make major changes at once anyone would cave.

I'm not sure if you've tried WW or Unislim, but I have and never stuck to it, now i'm doing Slimming World and I love it its so different, it focuses more on healthy eating and moderation, than only being allowed whatever units and that's it. You have your 15 "Syns" a day which is for your guilty pleasure, so you could still have that bar of chocolate if you wanted it.

As for your counsellor, I once dismissed something a counsellor said to me but it turns our they were right to bring up the subject with me, it was completely relevant to my issue. Give it another shot and be open minded you could be surprised with what you find out. Best of Luck Op x

genie_us

Hey OP

honestly I could have written that exact post this time last year, everything you said.

I had always dieted on and off, I'd lose it but then I'd go off the diet and the weight would go back on. I am totally an emotional eater.
Last May something just clicked with me, I was just so unhappy with myself and it was really affecting my life, I stopped going out because I dreaded feeling like the fattest person in the room, had nothing to wear etc. But something changed and I decided enough was enough.

So I started on a low carb diet, basically I just cut out carbs and junk food etc and I started losing weight. No big deal, I'd lost it before, but the real key for me was having to find another 'crutch' other than food. On days where I had a bad day at work or just felt crap instead of reaching for a bar of chocolate I had to learn to deal with it another way. Instead, I'd tell myself right I'm going to go home and watch my favourite movie, or treat myself to some new makeup, or have a bath, or treat myself to some new PJ's and flake on the couch... I know that might sound a bit sad but find something other than food that you can 'treat' yourself with to help you not use food as your emotional crutch.
This really was key for me.

So that was last May, and so far I have lost 65lbs, 4 and a half stone. I want to lose another stone and a half and then I will gradually start adding the healthy carbs back into my diet to try and maintain my weight. It was so hard at the start, so many times I nearly gave up but any time I was tempted to I asked myself, what do I want more? To eat that chocolate and feel good for an hour or to not eat it and feel good when I'm on the weighing scales?
I hope I don't sound patronising.

The difference is unbelievable, and not just physically. Mentally, I feel like the old 21 year old me, much more confident, happy and I don't dread social occasions anymore.

You don't need food to make yourself feel better, just try and tell yourself that. You can do it! And you will do it.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for sharing and advising.

One thing I was told before was to stay with the bad feeling, whatever that may be, when I felt the need to push it down with food.

So, the other day I tried to ''stay with the feeling'' and I nearly went mad, my heart starting racing and I had to froce myself to remain calm and breathe slowly. Even though I did eat to compensate, it was a bit of an eye opener, I tried to ask myself what could feel that bad that I couldn't allow myself to feel it for even a second without basically having a panic attack or something.

I have chronic back problems and sometimes feel like an utter failure if I can't work or exercise, I just think, what's the point when I'm stuck in this useless body, but then I just force myself to get on with it as I know there's no other way, but it wears me out.

The bottom line is,,,I panick. I forget I'm adult capable of dealing and feeling with emotions so strong that can cripple me if I let them. The feeling of isolation, loneliness, forgotten, useless, good for nothing sack of sh^t I had mentally beaten into me as a child, both inside and outside the home.

Food was the only thing I had growing up and now that I've grown up I need to stop comforting myself with it.

But sometimes, I just get flooded with more emotion than I can handle and a sugar coma is my way of sleeping it off, as it used to be alcohol.

Other times, it's sheer bad habit, I do my shopping and look in the basket and see there's no junkfood, I feel it's empty, I'II eat rubbish on the way home then just because it's what I normally do and at that point I don't even want it!

I live with my husband and we don't always eat together due to differing work schedules so if he's not home I'II just grab a takeaway as I'II be too lazy or tired to cook. Again, I know this is just habit as I can whip up something far nicer and healthier in quicker time at home.

I still need help be feel a little better for opening up here so thanks for listening and sharing, if you have any further advise I would be greatful.

gemini_girl

OP I couldve written your posts, I googled food addiction & this thread came up. Your feelings as a child are same as mine & food was also my only comfort. I also was able to control it when i smoked but I gave up 7 yrs ago. I have no clue what to do now myself. Beks101 hit the nail on the head. Thats how you know you have an addiction, when suddenly someone else seems to know exactly how you feel & isnt saying join ww etc. No offence but slimming clubs cannot help an addict. I went to an Overeaters Anon meeting once but Im an athiest & tbh it was too religious for me, I know they say a higher power can be what you want but there is a group prayer etc, it really put me off. Ive also had depression, counselling but no help for the food addiction. Where to go from here?

ivytwine

Please don't take on board the posts advocating the 5/2 or low carb diets or whatever is fashionable at the min. They may work for some but are very unsustainable for many people. Moderation in everything is the key. If you can walk somewhere instead of driving, do that, for example. Use stairs instead of lifts. If you drink fizzy drinks, cut them out. If you drink alcohol, cut down or go for spirits (if you can stomach gin and tonic instead of beer, that's far less calories). Empty calories in fizzy drinks/alcohol can just pile on.

I know the feeling of being too lazy/tired to cook, but try and plan ahead and have something frozen or cookable in ten minutes in the fridge. Eg. If you enjoy cooking, why not make a nice stew or something on a day you're off, freeze it and have it on a day you're working? Or buy a stirfry or stuff to make some and have it in the fridge?

As well as that, when you're shopping can you do it online? I hate food shopping, find it tedious, and in college found Tescos online order service a lifesaver. Myself and my housemate used to plan our meals and while some biscuits and stuff are waved in your face on the homepage, you do have to click on the picture to order it, making you think 'do I really need this'?

And never, ever shop when you're hungry.

Also, try not to deny yourself totally. It's unsustainable. Don't have biscuits/junk in the house, but if you're going for a nice meal, enjoy it and don't feel guilty, if you're having an occasional treat don't beat yourself up about it.