Male Perspective on this one??

LegacyUser

Ok so this is probably a no brainer but Im going to go ahead and ask it anyway.....
Met a guy via an internet site. Had been talking for a while - first the dating website, then onto facebook and then exchanged mobile numbers. His decision to come down to visit me was spur of the moment made that morning, although we had skirted around meeting up to this just with no definite decision. The day went well although I had been so busy getting ready and being nervous about meeting that I never thought about what we'd actually do for the day. (The onus was on me because he was coming down to where I lived) Anyway, it turned out well, after every activity finished instead of making his excuses to make a quick getaway he asked "so whats next?" Even when I was racking my brains to try and come up with something, he was happy enough to stay on for longer. My point in saying this is that he had plenty of chances to leave if it wasnt going well and chose not to take them. Even to the point that when we returned to the carpark where we were both parked, instead of hopping in his car and heading home, he prolonged the date by suggesting going for a drive. In the end he only left when we finally realised how late it had gotten and he had work in the morning etc. We kissed a few times before he went, and I text him to let me know he got home safe cuz hed a long drive ahead. He wrote back immediately and we sent a few texts, he said he had had a good day, and hoped i had a good one too as well as general chat. Then he text and said he really liked me, to which I replied that I liked him too. Then BOOM radio silence...havent heard from him since! That was the start of this week. I have resisted texting him since because Im working of the premise of "he is just not that into you" Common sense tells me that Stopping communication must mean he isnt interested in what he saw on the meet up but then why bother closing on "i really like you"?? Male perspective or any perspective would be much appreciated here!

blatantrereg

Did you try texting him?

"The start of this week" isn't that long ago you know. I wouldn't read anything into it. Might just be busy, might have something else going on, might feel he said too much by saying he liked you and has become shy or bashful, might feel he's starting all the contact and letting you start it this time...etc etc.

Anyway I wouldn't read anything into not hearing for someone for a few days after a first date. If you want to chat to him then just get in touch with him yourself.

Lelantos

Just send a text, he's probably not playing any games, but he bit the bullet, came down to you & was asking you what to do etc whilst there? He may have been looking for some positive reinforcement from you
He may be under the impression you aren't into him. Give him a text, if hes serious about you, he'll text back pdq. If not, you know exactly where you stand & you can move on.

daisybelle2008

OP, I know you asked for a male perspective, but at the end of the day this guy is an individual not representing all males, so hopefully advise is ok irrelevant of gender.

You seem to have put an awful lot of effort and expectation into the date. I know it was spur of the moment but you knocked yourself out trying to entertain this guy and keep him busy almost in case he escaped! You seem grateful he didn't run off mid date.
You seem to have put him on a pedestal without getting to know him. You appear to be trying to make him like you and keep him entertained more than you are truly evaluating if there was a real connection for you.
It was just a date, try not to over invest in an outcome. I would personally be forgetting about it if I was in your shoes. It seems to be driving you into over thinking mode and phone watching, generally second guessing yourself and writing in RI. That is after one date...Personally I like it to feel easier, nicer and more natural. Therefore in you shoes I wouldn't text him. That is just my opinion though! You really should ask yourself and what feels comfortable.

fungun

tbh he came and visited you, he initiated a text saying he really liked you & u responded saying you liked him too. As you wrote that, it sounded kinda lukewarm to me. Given that he has kinda been open to you, Id say its more like the ball is in your court in terms of meeting up again.....he has made it pretty clear he wants to.

funki_munkee

Thanks everyone who commented, very good points made! You have definately given me food for thought!

Weathering

Ah...the joys of internet dating
There's plenty more cyber men left fiddling with keyboards

knucklehead6

I'd say text him.

Nothing too serious, just a hi how are you type thing. If no reply, move on.

Picard50

Hi..new to this site. To be honest from reading what your saying It looks as if he was possibly looking for a lot more fun from his trip down to you. The fact that he suggested going for a drive and didnt take his chance to leave maybe suggested that he was hoping to find somewhere discreet or possible go to your place for some 'private time'!. On the other hand, if he wanted this, he would have probably raised it with you before ye met. Most guys who are on dating websites are after just one thing...not them all mind you..maybe he felt ye were not that compatible and is afraid to let you down...but like knucklehead said, text and see what happens...if no reply..you know where you stand..

Merkin

I don't think this bodes well and I only say that because there are a couple of things that jump out at me.

I'm all for being impulsive but I think arranging a date without any prior notice with someone you've never met before is not a good sign from the off. I just think it's a little presumptuous and is almost a little testy. I think a decent guy will have the respect to ask you out properly rather than putting you on the spot. I'm as impulsive as they come (too much for my own liking sometimes ) but when it comes to dating this would make some alarm bells ring.

Him expecting to be entertained "what next"....etc is a little rich too. It was a first date for both of you, nobody in that position should be expected to play host.

Call me a cynical old wench but suggesting a drive like that just sounds a bit slimy to me. Yuk, just yuk.

Telling you he really liked you? After one date? Really? No.

I also agree with Daisybelle insofar as you've invested far too much in a first date with one guy. I also think if there is even a sniff of mind-fcukery after one date then I wouldn't be going on a second date. Why even bother? You don't even know the guy so why waste time and energy in someone who's going to irritate you and mess with your head.

Maybe also learn to take things as they come. Being so invested in a man after one date is not good.

Czarcasm

Merkin you cynical old wen... :pac:


Ah no, seriously OP, Merkin is spot on with her assessment of mind fcukery, it does sound like this chap was expecting a bit more from the date than you possibly had in mind, and it's not too often you'd hear me say that of anyone, but this chap does sound a bit like he was a bit too eager for just a quickie and possibly was hoping he'd eventually wear you down before he'd to go home.

I'd say that's the last you'll be hearing from him tbh and really you're better off just counting yourself lucky and letting it go and move on.

Tonto86

Just send him another text. Far too much time is wasted on stupid mind games!

From a man's point of view text him again and see what he says. If it doesn't work out it doesn't, you got nothing to loose.

Lorna123

I would not text him again. You entertained him when he came down, made a big effort and I think it is up to him now to entertain you by planning something for you. Hold your horses and don't text.