I abandoned my therapy

LegacyUser

Hello I was seeing a therapist to deal with some issues. Mainly the death of a sibling through suicide, the trauma of an alcoholic and abusive partner, a stressful job, difficulty with interpersonal relationships and a turbulent relationship. I presented my needs in a prioritized fashion to the therapist and made my needs known.

My therapist did not drive me toward any conclusions but instead took my money and asked irrelevant "surface" questions. I gave the benefit of the doubt and continued with the therapy every week for 6 months which cost me a great deal of money, which was in fact the majority of my savings as it was weekly for so long.

I don't feel any better but rather I feel cheated. Then when my therapist told me he was a qualified massage therapist and told me to go in and lie down on the table, I felt quite threatened but I was feeling really vulnerable and I didn't see the point in it but then I didn't want there to be atmosphere from my saying no so I felt like I had to say yes. I'm not from here so I don't know exactly what the conventions and norms are but this is really strange for me. I feel really violated and a little bit weird.

Anyway. I don't know what I'm expecting from this but nobody I know knows that I go to therapy and I didn't know what to say. It feels good to get it out but I feel like I should see another therapist to get over this. And eventually deal with the issues I set out to deal with in the first place.

Magicmatilda

I'm confused. Is this psychotherapy you were seeking? In that case why was he massaging you. That sounds extraordinarily odd. Unfortunately therapy I'd not regulated in this country. Therefore you should see someone who is registered with one of the main associations, IACP, IAHIP, ICP. These associations have strict requirements to be registered with them. In the case of this guy it sounds like he was a rogue, was he associated with a body? If so check there complaints procedure and make a complaint about him. People like this do so much damage to the industry.

Greenduck

Hi OP, Im really sorry to hear about your experiences and your bad therapy. Im not expert but Im studying to be a therapist at the moment. IN some cases if the therapist is Body Orientated, they might make bodily contact but only with your 100% permission. In all other therapies this would not be heard of and in my opinion is completely unprofessional (and a bit creepy) and you have every right to feel aggrieved.

What I would say is, try not to give up on therapy. With the right therapist you can really start to heal. Try out a few and see how you get on, you are fully entitled to go to one of two sessions and leave if your not comfortable. In fact I would advise this to anyone starting therapy. Therapy is a relationship, a bond and you should feel respected and listened to.

Like the other person said, there is not governing body for Therapists in Ireland but if you were looking for another one go through one of the accreditation bodies like IACP.

Emme

OP, it sounds like you had a really bad experience. Did the therapist give you receipts at the end of each session? If you kept them this would be useful evidence if you decide to take this further. Unfortunately it's your word against his and I don't think that psychotherapy is sufficiently regulated in this country. People should only be able to set up a practice if they have gone through specific professional training and are members of professional bodies.

Was he affiliated with any professional body? Eitherways you should give his name and details to the associations as he is bringing the profession of psychotherapy into disrepute. They might also be able to recommend affordable psychotherapy to you as this man may have damaged you further.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Thank you for the kind replies. I had seen a lot of certificates from entities outside of Ireland, such as UK and Wales. But there were no Irish associations from what my glances at the wall during my walk through to the therapy room provided.

I got receipts but none which were written/signed. Just till receipts from the card machine.

He runs a double business with 3 rooms, 1 reception area and a corridor, with two doors, one which was open and had the table in it with these bottles and plants. Another one with 2 chairs and a lamp where our sessions were. I was aware that he was interested in it but I never gave any indication of my interests in that type of thing. I don't care very much for physical healing, my pain is internal and i'm happy enough to pursue help for that as I go to the gym to release any physical tensions.

The day he told me to go in and lie down he said I looked tense and to step over to the table. He said he'd step outside a second to turn on the music and light a scented candle and that I could get ready. But I had never done massage before, I don't like people touching me. I find it hard even to hug people sometimes, especially when I'm feeling the way I have been feeling, it's why I came to therapy in the first place. So I really just don't think this therapist understood me. At all. Despite my very well structured instructions around my needs. At least I have that in line.

So.. Perhaps an anonymous letter to report this "therapist" would be a good idea in fact. I don't want apologies, I don't want confrontation. I've just had enough. I feel betrayed. I feel like i paid for this to make myself better but it just put me back to the beginning, only now with a lot more tension and a warning to be extremely careful in future.

I did not even consider that someone would attempt to profit from the vulnerability of someone who really needed help. I'm sickened.

Thanks again for the help. Sorry if I confused anyone.

username123

What kind of a therapist was this person supposed to be?

How did you come by this person?

You know there is specific free group therapy for people who have or have had an alcoholic in their lives - Alanon. Its very good and saved me both mentally and physically.

Other people here can better advise you re reporting this therapist you went to see but a general tip for the future is that you need to be comfortable with a therapist, and if you feel you are getting nothing from therapy after a period of weeks - discontinue it.

I would advise against the anonymous letter to report this person - you have nothing to be ashamed of, simply report him under your own name.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Hello again , yes this person is listed on their own website as a counselor. I found out about the other services he provides when I Got there.

Thank you once more for your input.