how to deal with money-stress as a couple

LegacyUser

I lost my job almost year ago and haven't been able to find any work. Then my fiance lost his job five months ago, and he too cannot find anything. (we weren't fired or anything, the place I worked went out of business and his contract wasn't renewed). Neither of us ever thought things would be this way; we're both very educated, experienced and energetic people. Now we're broke, living in a tiny bedsit on dole. I'm 30, he's 33. We've been trying to keep upbeat and optimistic. We cycle now instead of drive. We've started growing a few bits of veg out the back (well, trying to!). We spend about 3/4 hours every day looking for jobs online, try to keep fit, get up early, do things together like walking etc and try not to get too down about things. I've applied for Fas courses but I'm already very qualified so really its paid work I need not more courses/internships etc. Both keep thinking one or both of us will find something soon. I started doing volunteering two hours a week, which is nice but no work will come of it. He plays a lot of sport so that's good too. I guess its just a waiting game. But the pressure is sometimes hard to bear. My parents drop 'helpful' hints about sons of friends of theirs "who have a good job and are doing really well, blahblahblah". Friends who got engaged long after us have been able to get married before us, and I'm a bit embarrassed sometimes that our wedding plans have been put on hold. We've nobody to help us financially and I wouldn't want that anyway. Because either or both of us might have to move when one gets a job we can't plan anything let alone a wedding, so its on the long finger. But sometimes it all gets on top of us...the never knowing. Other people we know are off on holidays during the summer and I must admit I'm envious sometimes. I don't know if I'm asking for advice or more just to hear if anyone is in a similar situation...Ps - emigrating isn't really an option: my boyfriend's dad is elderly and needs looking after sometimes.

Esoteric_

Tbh OP, I've never come across a post where I genuinely have no advice that I can give to help, but I have now.

You're both doing all the right things. You're keeping busy, being more careful with finances, looking for jobs, doing good things like exercising and volunteering... There's very little else you can do.

I know it's disheartening, but you're both doing all of the right things. It's just a matter of keeping them up until one or both of you find a job, really.

Is there any way you could budget for a 'date night' once a month? Something simple like a film or a dinner shouldn't cost too much, and will be a nice change from going for walks together, and enjoying doing something as a couple could help relieve the stress, at least for a few hours.

I'm sorry I can't offer more advice, but keep doing what you're doing. You're doing everything right, things will pick up soon enough.

LegacyUser

If you want to get married, money shouldn't stop you - it's just the cost of the licence. If you are hung up on 'the day', that's a different matter.

dearg lady

I agree with Esoteric, it sounds like you're doing everything right! I just wanted to reply to show some support, I'm dealing with a similar situation myself. Recently I have managed to get a few months temp work which was great. Not sure if there is much temp work in your field, but it's usually a bit easier to come by, but it might only be few days here or there.
Also, I agree re 'helpful' hints!! I know people's hearts are in the right place, but some of the stuff people say ends up being plain insensitive!

Hannibal Smith

Sounds like you're both doing fantastically well. You've a great relationship.

Block out all the pressure from others and don't be embarrassed its the ones putting you under pressure that should be embarrassed.

LegacyUser

I know that things are not easy for you at the moment. Being out of work is hard on you both. You are making the best of the situation that you are in.
I know what it is like to see everyone move on with there lives when you seem to be stuck in a situation that you are working hard to get out of.
I went though a few periods of unemployment when friends of mine were meeting people, getting married, buying houses and going on nice holidays so I have some idea of what you are going though.

I know you have told us that you can't leave Ireland because of your oh father but could you not get another family member/ relative or a friend to keep an eye on him.
I would look into this as it may give you the option to leave Ireland for a period of time for work. From what you have told us you both want a job and to be able to move on with your lives. Is it better to stay broke on the dole here or moving out of Ireland for work?
I would consider doing this if you have not got work by a certain date. Normally at this time of year the jobs market gets better but a lot of jobs are part time or contract.
Good Luck and I hope you get work soon.