[COMPETITION] Win Tickets to Eddie Izzard at the O2 Thanks to Electric Ireland

Electric Ireland: David

Hi everyone,

The laugh-out-loud comic legend that is Eddie Izzard lands his mammoth Force Majeure world tour in Ireland on May 26th, at the O2.




It's sure to be a gas show, and we're giving away a pair of tickets to one lucky boards member as part of this month's competition.

Speaking of gas (yes yes, you may roll your eyes) we're now sponsoring the show of another gas man - the one and only Graham Norton. Why all this focus on gas? Well, to remind customers that we supply it of course!

To enter the competition for Eddie Izzard tickets, we're not going to ask you to sign up to one of our dual-fuel price plans (though you can if you want ); instead we'd like you to comment below with a little gas story of your own. And if you can't think of anything, a good-old one-liner will do (but keep it clean!).

Terms and conditions are here, and the competition is open until next Tuesday afternoon. The winner will be announced at about 2pm.

Best of luck!

David

B1G Al

Fell asleep during a lecture. Dreamt I was playing some sport or other. Just about to do something dramatic on the playing field. Woke up at that instant shouting something like "WHOOOAAAYYYAAAYYAAAARRRGGGLLLEBARGLE...". Everbody including lecturer staring at me. After a few seconds (seemed like minutes), Lecturer picks up from where I interupted.
Nobody. Ever. Mentioned it...

Jesus Christ

I'm not with Electric Ireland. I have terrible gas.

Grimebox

I sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did

Tar.Aldarion

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.[/font]
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.[/font]
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.[/font]
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too![/font]

lotsofthegreen

my brother who lives with my uncle just told me told meon the phone  today my uncle got a gas bill of BG for 700euro and that my uncle said "there'd be no heating on in here for a while" - i thought it was so gas i laughed so hard i released gas. True Story

Lawrence1895

I always reject Airtricity, because I don't like their uniforms...which has something to do with gas, has it? ;)

Leinstersqspur

Would love to be there to raise the volume, I can imagine it now, Eddies name in big pink Neon letters, that's pure gas!!

PS. My mate Pascal and I are really feeling the pressure at the moment!

Cliona99

This is a gas joke about electricity:

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on
his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of
hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, ''Cool it. I am going to set
up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.''
So down Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused.
They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent
e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did
some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten
minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky,
thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the
underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted
their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming ''It's gone!
It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!''
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past
two hours. Satan observed this and became irate. ''Wait! He cheated, how did
he do it?''
God shrugged and said, ''Jesus saves.''

maximoose

I had an indian for dinner and now I have terrible gas

taylorconor95

Did you know they add the smell? :P

CiaraOH

Had chicken and chips for lunch in college. Reached for a drink. Majority of my chips spilled off my plate, off my tray and into the drinks fridge. I then had to pick them up and pay for them while the canteen lady laughed at me and other students just stared.

dinneenp

During a J1 summer in the USA we had an all-night session. When we got home I cooked pasta. While I wasn't watching the lads put in a full bottle of after sun lotion....I ate the whole lot of pasta and after sun lotion.

p15574

Q: What do you call onions and beans? 
A: Tear gas. 

[gets coat...]

NothingMan

My girlfriend is disgusted by "natural" gas, so this means she holds it in. But you can't hold it in when you sleep. I took great delight in laughing as she woke herself up with a big pressure release one evening. She didn't see the funny side, maybe she'll find Eddie Izzard funnier.

nobodieshome

I went for an interview recently and took my friends laptop, as the sound on my laptop wasn't working and I needed it to show my portfolio. Not knowing how to use a mac to the best of my ability I somehow clicked on her download of the 'Human Centipede' on her desktop. It started playing and I didn't know how to stop it. The managing director either being an idiot and didn't know it or just being plain cruel asked me to explain what the movie was about. I stumbled through well... it is about a man that soes people together to make a human centipede, attaching their mouth to the next persons a** with one person defecating into the other person's mouth.  The whole thing was gas to say the least and yes well needless to say I didn't get the job. And thats why I deserve these tickets. Pure and utter humiliation. Sigh!!

mangledbadgers

How many Electric Ireland people does it take to screw in alight bulb?
 
41 - 1 to procure the light bulb, 3 to buy new safetyequipment, 2 to take it out of the box, 1 to inspect the bulb, 1 to shake the bulb, 1 to drop the bulb, 1 to order a replacement bulb, 1 to pass the light bulb to the fitter, 1 to pass it back to the electrician, 3 to screw in the bulb, 1 clockwise, 1 anti-clockwise and 1 with a hammer, 1 to hold the electrician on the step ladder, 4 to hold the step ladder steady, 1 supervisor, 1 union rep, 1to turn on the switch, 3 to make tea, 4 to monitor the changeover, 1 to carry out risk assessment, 6 for bulb disposal, and 1 to troubleshoot on boards.ie

PCR

Two blondes walk into a bar . . . you would think one of them would have seen it.

A noble gas walks into a bar and the bartender shouts WE DONT SERVE NOBLE GASES"
The noble gas didnt react......

phantom60

I believe we should all pay our gas bills with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

Raphael

What's a Pirates favourite Noble Gas?

Arrrrrgon.

Mad Benny

Ah jaysus, that's fangastic.

seany76

dont have an interesting tale  about gas
all the best jokes have been posted alas
so i will just write this little ditty
hope that you find it witty
put me in the draw and to eddie me send
hope i wont laugh too much fart and offend

Teagwee

Speaking of gas (US style):
I have my car towed to work because it’s cheaper than buying gas.

billbond4

I always find jokes about electricity shockingly bad !

pinkbear

True story.... I swear.

My first smear test... I was sick with nerves with the anticipation. I couln't sleep the night before and had a sick tummy all day whenever I thought about it.

When the nurse started working "down there" she kept telling me to relax. Eventually she said "Look you just have to relax completely", so I did, and as she proceeded.... you've guessed it.... gas was released! (And to this day I don't think I've smelled worse). The shame:(

pinkbear

There was a young man Eddie Izzard
Who's surname rhymed only with lizard
A gas man was he
He used electricity
To light up his torch in a blizzard

pinkbear

A gas boiler repair duck walks into a hotel and says "Do you need any repairs done on your gas boiler?"

"Wow!" exclaimed the receptionist. "You're a talking duck! That's amazing. Hey, there's a travelling circus in town. Go to them! Quick."

A half hour later the duck was back in the hotel.

"How did you get on?" asked the receptionist.

"Waste of time" sighed the duck. "They don't have a gas boiler."

johanna86

How I can participate in this Contest?

Electric Ireland: David wrote: »

Hi everyone,

The laugh-out-loud comic legend that is Eddie Izzard lands his mammoth Force Majeure world tour in Ireland on May 26th, at the O2.




It's sure to be a gas show, and we're giving away a pair of tickets to one lucky boards member as part of this month's competition.

Speaking of gas (yes yes, you may roll your eyes) we're now sponsoring the show of another gas man - the one and only Graham Norton. Why all this focus on gas? Well, to remind customers that we supply it of course!

To enter the competition for Eddie Izzard tickets, we're not going to ask you to sign up to one of our dual-fuel price plans (though you can if you want ); instead we'd like you to comment below with a little gas story of your own. And if you can't think of anything, a good-old one-liner will do (but keep it clean!).

Terms and conditions are here, and the competition is open until next Tuesday afternoon. The winner will be announced at about 2pm.

Best of luck!

David

kaisersoze

While on a packed train home one evening, there was standing room only..
I crouched down on my hunkers while reading various websites on my iphone.
Of course I was reading the amazing offers from Electric Ireland :-)

Anyway, there was a girl hunkered down opposite and she had a look of horror on her face.
I followed her gaze to see what caused this look of horror only to realise my trousers had split and lets say the mouse had left the house!

Its gas now looking back at it, but at the time, I feel I'm responsible for that image engrained in her mind forever
:-)


Thanks.
Kaiser.

Louis Jr

Electric Ireland: David wrote: »

Hi everyone,

The laugh-out-loud comic legend that is Eddie Izzard lands his mammoth Force Majeure world tour in Ireland on May 26th, at the O2.




It's sure to be a gas show, and we're giving away a pair of tickets to one lucky boards member as part of this month's competition.

Speaking of gas (yes yes, you may roll your eyes) we're now sponsoring the show of another gas man - the one and only Graham Norton. Why all this focus on gas? Well, to remind customers that we supply it of course!

To enter the competition for Eddie Izzard tickets, we're not going to ask you to sign up to one of our dual-fuel price plans (though you can if you want ); instead we'd like you to comment below with a little gas story of your own. And if you can't think of anything, a good-old one-liner will do (but keep it clean!).

Terms and conditions are here, and the competition is open until next Tuesday afternoon. The winner will be announced at about 2pm.

Best of luck!

David

Seen this competition and said these reps seem like a good bunch..I'm going to sign up NOW  Will my chance's improve

cunchofbunts

I'm a gas man altogether........ except when I'm covered in BEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ

Sadderday

Gas had been excreted from my darling friend while stuck in a lift in the GASWORKS building a few weeks ago, no joke!!

Stuck in there for maybe 15 minutes, cracked one from the 6 pack we had and wallah!!, broke a nail trying to pull the lift door open for air... I was like Balboa..................'s wife.

Sadderday

Licka's's

Sadderday

Wait wait wait, I used the word GAS, but I have way funnier ones :

1) met a bloke in Whelans, gave him a kiss, wondered why he didnt call, friend reminded me that I was sucking his finger as he was trying to get away
2)pooed on Dublin bus, thought it was a fart, it was garlic potatoes I ate the night before. Can you imagine? had to buy new slacks?
3) Rang Dominos and ordered 30 pizzas instead of 13 at a party and did a burner
4)Locked my da out the back and put the alarm on and forgot about him until dinner time

I have more.... if it will increase my chances of winning I will unleash!

blaze1

If gas supplies are running low, force feed people beans.  Fossil fuel problem solved.

Twoandahalfmen

[font=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I went to the butchers the other day and i bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf[/font][font=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]And he said "No, the steaks are to high[/font]

roryj123

The atmosphere at Eddie Izzard will be Electric Ireland.

simon0brien

Will there be much circumcision at the show?

ShagNastii

"We run the gas off the electricity and the electricity off the gas and we save two hundred pounds a year, but then a few weeks later ah God, I'll never forget it now, we got a new boiler..."

Fr. Purcell p.p

Would love the tickets am a big fan.

lifeandtimes

Here is a gas story for you.

 

A few years ago my friends and I got wind that a mate of ours was signed up to a certain social network site that was renowned for people just looking to hook up with each other.

Seeing this as an opportunity not to be missed we decided to play a prank on him. 

We scoured the internet for pictures a reasonable looking girl to set up our own profile using her pictures (all innocent of course), we found some and set up the page under Rachel, made her out to be around our age and from our area, it looked really legitimate and then went looking for our mate.

 

We found him and got chatting to him, pretending to talk about girly things and such, we knew we were all heading out that weekend and started to drop hints about it to him as well saying that she would be out and that we should meet up, we started asking questions like does he have any good looking friends for her mates and out mate replied" no I don’t sorry, well one of them is good looking, I’ll bring him"...startled we all looked at each other and wonder 1. Who was the good looking one and 2.Why did he think one of us was good looking?

 

Anyway we got him to forward his number and that we would meet him in a certain club.

 

We went out that night all to the pub and were watching our mate all night as he constantly checked his phone and half way through the night he asked one of our friends if he was bored and wanted to hit this club.

 

Sneakily we asked him where he was going and he said “oh this is boring, me and (mate) are going to go to this club"

 

And we said "oh you aren’t going to meet Rachel are you?" and he replied “how do you know about her"

 

We all burst out laughing in the middle of the pub saying that we were Rachel and that he though our other mate was good looking.

 
He was quite embarrassed to say the least

 

True story

did you hear the latest???Mick Hucknell has just been arrested for having sex with a rabbit! when caught he was "holding back the ears" and when questioned in custody he said " the bunny's too tight to mention"

kcools

When we got our last gas bill in, the missus asked me to check the meter. It was spot on. 100 centimetres exactly.

hardwood

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts... although still silent... stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

long_b

"[font=georgia, serif]I have a belt that holds up my pants. But my pants have loops that hold up the belt. What's really going on down there? Who is the real hero?"[/font]


[font=georgia, serif]Mitch Hedberg RIP[/font]

biko

I've no joke, I just want hear Eddie's jokes..

hots

Once I wanted some tickets... then I won those tickets.


I also had wind.

leroypatches

Confucius say “Man who fart in Church sit in own pew.”

bowsie

Electric Ireland: David wrote: »

Hi everyone,

The laugh-out-loud comic legend that is Eddie Izzard lands his mammoth Force Majeure world tour in Ireland on May 26th, at the O2.




It's sure to be a gas show, and we're giving away a pair of tickets to one lucky boards member as part of this month's competition.

Speaking of gas (yes yes, you may roll your eyes) we're now sponsoring the show of another gas man - the one and only Graham Norton. Why all this focus on gas? Well, to remind customers that we supply it of course!

To enter the competition for Eddie Izzard tickets, we're not going to ask you to sign up to one of our dual-fuel price plans (though you can if you want ); instead we'd like you to comment below with a little gas story of your own. And if you can't think of anything, a good-old one-liner will do (but keep it clean!).

Terms and conditions are here, and the competition is open until next Tuesday afternoon. The winner will be announced at about 2pm.

Best of luck!

David

Dyslexic walks into a bra...

whadafook

I farted

whadafook

I farted