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can i understand him

  • 08-04-2013 3:13pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    At the end of last year i ended a relationship that had been going on for a just under a year. we had been on and off, as life essentially kept getting in the way! I haven't really dealt with it or tried to until recently, i decided last week if i was going to move on i had to deal with the hurt he caused me.

    So basically this guy has a child and has been having a hard time dealing with having a child so young, but he decided to tell me 3 months into seeing each other that he was afraid of commitment and wasnt sure what he could do in terms of relationships so we decided to just see where it took us and try not to put labels on things... but as it went on i found he was making it harder then it had to be and over thinking everything... so we came to the conclusion to leave it and try to be friends instead... but friends never worked it was a complete farce... we have a mutual circle of friends and would often end up at the same places and would just be drawn together...we'd often flirt and end up together at the end of the night (not having sex just holding each other) there is such tension when we are around each other to the extent that im now afraid to be around him and ive avoided seeing him since december! i never know whats going to happen when im around him!

    so i have been processing this and while i like him, at this point in our lives we cant be together.. but then yesterday i bumped into him and he tried to talk to him (we havent talked in weeks) i had to walk away as i couldnt be near him, the tension and chemistry are still there :(

    but now a friend has told me that he probably wants me still in his life, that he we had a very intense time and she could see how much we cared for each other but that he doesnt understand how much he hurt me and is just trying to grow up while dealing with a child.. He doesnt get much support from his family or most of his friends except a few... apparently she saw him with the child a few weeks and says he was amazing with the child!

    so basically im so confused i want to move on, i want to be able to be happy and not worrying about him all the time.... but i dont think i can be friends which is what i think he's trying to do!

    I cant get back into that it was vicious emotionally as quite often i never knew what to do!


Comments

  • #2
    Quiet Girl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 119 ✭✭Quiet Girl


    Ok, first thing is first, it is IMPOSSIBLE to be friends with an ex, iv tried it an either we would end up sleeping together or having an argument, or both, it is just impossible.

    I think you need to have an out straight conversation with this guy, you obviously like him so you need to find out exactly what he wants, whether he wants to be with you or not. Sometimes its best to just be straight forward with someone, otherwise you could end up with regrets...

    At the end of the day, if two people like each other enough they will find a way to be together but as I said I think you need to find out...


  • #3
    Brego888
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,321 ✭✭✭Brego888


    Quiet Girl wrote: »
    Ok, first thing is first, it is IMPOSSIBLE to be friends with an ex, iv tried it an either we would end up sleeping together or having an argument, or both, it is just impossible.

    Well that's a sweeping generalisation that is simply not true.
    My best female friend is a girl I went out with for over 3 years. Granted I'll accept that most often than not being friends with an ex is very difficult it's far from impossible.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I used to date on if my best guy friends, it has never really caused problems accept when his new GF's finds out but they eventually get over our friendship.

    While being friends isn't impossible I'm finding it difficult with this guy because every time I felt that I had moved on its like he sensed it and pulled me back in :(

    I do need to talk to him but I'm scared I don't know what to say to him, I'd feel so stupid..... I'm no good at these things..

    I get the sense when I saw him that he wanted more, but I'm afraid that if I say I want to give this another go he would just reject me and then I'd be too embarrassed to even be friends!

    I'm thinking maybe I should give it a few weeks and then ask him out for coffee to something ??

    I've exams and prefer not to be upset while studying


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