Haven't had sex since break up

LegacyUser

My long term partner and I split up over a year ago, and in the time that has elapsed between then and now, I'm yet to have sex with anyone. Is this normal? It doesn't "feel" normal to me if I'm being honest. My ex was my first sexual partner, and I thought that most single people around my age (23) have sex on a very frequent basis. I've only kissed about 7 different people in that year (most on holiday). Without intending to come across as desperate, am I under achieving with women? Bear in mind that I've been out to nightclubs at least 40 times in that year, and most likely more than that.

I've always found that if you go out with the intention of "pulling", then it will almost never happen. People probably aren't having as much sex as you probably think. Have you ever tried internet dating?

IrishEyes19

It really depends on the person, OP, if you were with someone for a while, having sex frequently with other people might not be easy for some people, especially when you are used to one person. Im not saying that goes for all, it most certainly doesnt, but its a thought. People all have different ways. Some people are happy seeing other people and enjoy one night stands or friends with benefit agreement and others wait it out for that someone they will have a relationship with. There is no normal or not normal in any of these cases. The only thing that wouldnt be normal is if you went against your own judgement or did it because you felt it was weird that you werent doing what "apparently" everyone is doing.

tomthetank

Would you rather be riding rings around yourself for the sake of keeping up appearances with the ladies?

It's not a competition OP, have sex when you feel like having sex. Personally it's always taken time for me to recover from a break up, and that included a complete disinterest in sexy times until I'd fully healed and was ready to get back on the horse so to speak.

Maybe you're like that, maybe you're not and you've just not encountered someone you've felt like bedding badly enough since your break up. So what.
You're obviously meeting women so just keep that up, take your eye off the clock and keep an open mind.

Esoteric_

It's not a big deal, OP. I'm the same age as you, and I haven't had sex since my last break up, nearly a year ago. I haven't tried to get any, I've turned down offers, etc etc. You don't HAVE to be out sleeping around every time you go on a night out. Do what you want, not what you think is expected of you.

WittyKitty1

Have you thought that perhaps those 40 times you went out this year that maybe you came across as if you were just actively looking for sex which turned girls off?

I know girls have one night stands and the likes- each to their own-fair play and all that... but most girls aren't really into lads who just want a ride after the lights come on in the nightclub.

It really doesn't matter when you and your ex broke up- there isn't a set time that you have to have another girl in your bed by. If it happens it happens...

Cupcake_Crisis

At the risk of sounding harsh op...... big whoop!

A year is not a long time to go without sex, and that whole 'im just out of a relationship, i have to go ride everything that moves' attitude that some people seem to have annoys me. I know you're a while single, but it sounds a bit like you're feeling you missed out.

If you're going out actively seeking sex, women will notice, and 9 times out of 10 you'll go home alone. Relax. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Not having sex is as normal as having sex.

ibarelycare

OP you haven't said whether you actually want to be out having sex or not. You seem more concerned about what is "normal". There is no normal! Some single people have lots of sex, some rarely do. Some people in relationships have lots of sex, some rarely do!

If you do want to be having sex, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. A year is a long time and it's a basic human need! Maybe you're not going about things the right way. If you've been trying to "pull" in nightclubs and have failed over 40 times then maybe it's better trying another approach. Online dating is an option. There are plenty of free sites out there and you can be specific about what you're looking for (friendship, casual sex, relationship etc). There are even sites especially for those who are just looking to meet others for no strings attached sex.

The bottom line is, do what makes you happy, not what you think is normal. If you're happy just going out clubbing and kissing the odd girl then who cares? likewise, if you are looking to have sex with women, that's ok too. Just be safe!

msg11

I'm the same OP , 1 year since my last break up. To be honest I do care but at the same time everyone is different. Sure I rather wait and get on well then move to that stage with someone.

Also OP there's the flip side of this coin, some people wonder and get themselves down about having so many one night stands and cannot get a relationship.

I am just doing my own thing at the moment something will come up in the end so don't be over thinking or watching the days go by !