Erection problem...even in the dark

marko80242 · 02-04-2013 1:24pm #1

Apologies, if I am posting in the wrong forum (If so, please move my post), but I couldn't find one which directly related to my query.

So here it goes...
I have problems getting an erection in the bedroom. The relationship is relatively new (6 weeks), but even when she goes down on me in the dark, not seeing anything, I cannot achieve an erection. The feeling is really nice, but there is little to nothing. Any ideas? Anxiety maybe?

kjl · 02-04-2013 1:28pm

marko80242 wrote: »

Apologies, if I am posting in the wrong forum (If so, please move my post), but I couldn't find one which directly related to my query.

So here it goes...
I have problems getting an erection in the bedroom. The relationship is relatively new (6 weeks), but even when she goes down on me in the dark, not seeing anything, I cannot achieve an erection. The feeling is really nice, but there is little to nothing. Any ideas? Anxiety maybe?

Could be, but to be sure you should contact your GP for a consultation. I don't see what being in the dark has to do with it, are you not attracted to your partner?

ibarelycare · 02-04-2013 1:53pm

OP have you ever had previous erectile issues?

02-04-2013 2:24pm

The best thing you can do is to first go to a GP and ensure that there are no medical reasons behind a possible erectile dysfunction. Once you've ruled it out, you can then go on to working on any possible psychological reasons; could be anxieties.

LegacyUser · 02-04-2013 5:53pm

I would definitely get it checked out just incase... but i did have an ex who has a similar problem turned out it was anxiety and he called it a mental black which stopped him getting an erection. it was due to a previous bad relationship with his girlfriend... i wont go into his issues but it could be some stress from a previous relationship.

marko80242 · 02-04-2013 6:30pm

Hmmmnnn...I am attracted to my partner...but I wouldn't have thought attraction would come into it if it's dark anyways?

Brego888 · 02-04-2013 7:12pm

Anxiety certainly but that may be the result not the cause.
How much porn do you watch and have you any problems getting an erection when on your own?

Also talk to your girlfriend about it. If it becomes the elephant in the room it won't help things.

Taltos · 02-04-2013 7:23pm

marko80242 wrote: »

Hmmmnnn...I am attracted to my partner...but I wouldn't have thought attraction would come into it if it's dark anyways?

Oh come off it OP. Even if it's dark you know what your OH looks like which will feed into your imagination.

As per the others here provided that you find your OH attractive even in daylight this is something your GP needs to help you with or to provide a referral for.

If you are not attracted to your OH even in daytime then you have your answer and you have to ask yourself if you don't find them attractive well what are you doing with them?

marko80242 · 02-04-2013 7:25pm

I can rarely get an erection on my own without manual stimulation for a long time. I used to watch porn, but since I started going out with my girlfriend, I have stopped completely. Now in saying it, I used to watch all types of porn - from men and women to transexual porn to fantasy porn involving men and women. I have watched more and more online porn for about the last 13 years or so. But those days of watching porn are gone, if it helps my problem.

What is 'OH' by the way? and I do find my partner attractive - maybe not sparkling attractive in the body but certainly in the face. And I do find her sexually attractive in that I wanna have sex with her...alot...but problems hinder that slightly....:(

ibarelycare · 02-04-2013 7:30pm

Op you haven't answered if you have had these problems with other women or just your current partner?

marko80242 · 02-04-2013 8:05pm

I had sex before..just once...a long time ago (think I was in college and was about 18) and it happened with the girl I was with. But I think it was because it was my first time having sex and, admittedly, I was very nervous. I have never received oral stimulation before.

HalloweenJack · 02-04-2013 9:16pm

I haven't had erection problems but I have had ejaculation problems in the beginning of relationships and in ONS. Essentially, however long I go at it, I can't come. I know it's jsut down to anxiety as I've had major problems with anxiety in the past.

However, in relationships, this wears off after about a month, once I've got to know the girl and am more comfortable and relaxed around her. I think this could be related to your problem but the problem isn't exactly the same.

newuser30 · 03-04-2013 12:40am

6 weeks with your gf compared to 13 years of the kinds of porn you mentioned and no real sex, I think that could be your issue there. It's going to take longer than 6 weeks to regain a normal sexual response to a normal and real woman. You are not finding it exciting enough compared to what you are used to. Give it more time, online porn is a million miles away from what a real sex life is, and you have never experienced that.

03-04-2013 9:46am

newuser30 wrote: »

6 weeks with your gf compared to 13 years of the kinds of porn you mentioned and no real sex, I think that could be your issue there. It's going to take longer than 6 weeks to regain a normal sexual response to a normal and real woman. You are not finding it exciting enough compared to what you are used to. Give it more time, online porn is a million miles away from what a real sex life is, and you have never experienced that.

I would go to a GP first to ensure there are no psychical reasons before blaming porn, OP. Then, once it is ruled out, work on any other factors.

How is your girlfriend reacting to it? Hopefully she is being supportive, this is what is important.

(OH is other half as in your girlfriend)

newuser30 · 03-04-2013 10:43am

True, I was assuming the OP is physically healthy, a trip to GP to ensure this is the case would of course be advised first and foremost.

blatantrereg · 03-04-2013 10:58am

marko80242 wrote: »

I can rarely get an erection on my own without manual stimulation for a long time.

It doesn't sound like it's an issue you have with your gf then. Like a few people have mentioned, you should talk to a doctor.

dr gonzo · 04-04-2013 11:54pm

Should probably go unreg for this but Ill stand with you OP. I've had identical problems to what you describe. Identical.

The answer, provided its not health related of course, is time. Anxiety can wreak havoc on the body, especially in scenarios where calm and, while it doesnt seem like it, focus is required. When you go a while without having sex you can be completely wrung with anxiety and not even know it. You can be competely focused on trying to keep everything working, and making it as pleasurable as possible for your partner that you completely take your mind out of whats happening. Essentially, the only way things are going to work in the bedroom is if you can relax, commit, and enjoy whats going on, and the only way thats going to happen is over time.

In the meantime dont overthink, overreact, or blame yourself for whats happening, it will resolve itself before you know it.

Chin up buddy and enjoy!

Erection problem...even in the dark

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