worried im a boring person/how to be more interesting

LegacyUser

This is something that's been bothering me for some time but I'm concerned people find me boring, when I say boring I'm more referring to members of the opposite sex and trying to hold conversations with girls in a social environment. I have been trying to make improvements in my life and have lose 4 stone since last November, I still have more to lose but I definitely look better.The thing is losing the weight isn't going to be enough, I'm in my 30s and I've never been on dates or talked to girls with a view of chatting them up mainly because of my weight and low confidence which arose from that.I have no problem talking to girls if romance or dating isn't on the agenda but I really need to find some interests, challenges etc to make me a more interesting person, at the moment all there is , is work and watching soccer at the weekends, can anyone offer some advice on this

Neyite

People often make the mistake that being a good conversationalist is about you, but its not. Its about drawing out the person you are talking to. You dont need to have a sparkling wit, or a crazy hobby to converse. Sometimes its as simple as listening.

By listening, I dont mean they way a lot of people do - which is half listen until someone shuts up then interjecting with a related anecdote of their own, but to really listen, and draw the other person out.

There is an old book, but its been a bestseller for years called "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnagie, that discusses how to expand on your social skills, and improve on them. Its well worth a read.

If though, you do want to expand on your hobbies, then thats always good. Is there a language you want to learn, or a sport you want to try, or something creative? meeting people who share your enthusiasm for your new hobby is a by-product of learning something new that you enjoy and can be great fun.

Catphish

howtobeinteresting wrote: »

This is something that's been bothering me for some time but I'm concerned people find me boring, when I say boring I'm more referring to members of the opposite sex and trying to hold conversations with girls in a social environment. I have been trying to make improvements in my life and have lose 4 stone since last November, I still have more to lose but I definitely look better.The thing is losing the weight isn't going to be enough, I'm in my 30s and I've never been on dates or talked to girls with a view of chatting them up mainly because of my weight and low confidence which arose from that.I have no problem talking to girls if romance or dating isn't on the agenda but I really need to find some interests, challenges etc to make me a more interesting person, at the moment all there is , is work and watching soccer at the weekends, can anyone offer some advice on this

Firstly, congratulations on losing that 4 stone What I find interesting is that you think that you need to find other interests in order to have something to chat to a date about. That is something you need to do for yourself first, broaden those horizons I think it's common when someone has been overweight that they kind of retreat away from a very social scene, purely because they lack confidence. You're in a better place now, and keep doing what you're doing! Have a think about what you wouldn't mind trying out. Different interests, clubs etc. Quite often couples meet each other through these avenues. If you think about it really, if you met someone this way you'd already have something to talk about, and that could extend to a friendship and maybe more.

You're feeling much better about yourself now, which is fantastic. The rest comes in little steps, like the weight loss did, but you'll get there

IamtheWalrus

howtobeinteresting wrote: »

This is something that's been bothering me for some time but I'm concerned people find me boring, when I say boring I'm more referring to members of the opposite sex and trying to hold conversations with girls in a social environment. I have been trying to make improvements in my life and have lose 4 stone since last November, I still have more to lose but I definitely look better.The thing is losing the weight isn't going to be enough, I'm in my 30s and I've never been on dates or talked to girls with a view of chatting them up mainly because of my weight and low confidence which arose from that.I have no problem talking to girls if romance or dating isn't on the agenda but I really need to find some interests, challenges etc to make me a more interesting person, at the moment all there is , is work and watching soccer at the weekends, can anyone offer some advice on this

Don't try to be anyone but yourself man. I spent years trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be. One of the biggest regrets of my life. I'm in therapy for it now. Grow to love yourself (cliched but true).

I cannot stress this point enough.