She wants to be "friends" and keeps texting me...?

dorkacle

Just kinda want to get this off my chest more than anything!

So over a year ago I split up with a girl after over 5 years in a relationship together, we were very close and it was difficult splitting. At first we still txtd (stupidly) and she would say she doesn't want to keep in contact, so eventually I just copped I had to cut off contact and get over her. We agreed on this and largely followed it.

I genuinely loved her, it took me ages, but even now I wouldn't say I'm completely over her, but I am now at a place were I am fine with myself and don't worry about her much any more.

Anyways, so while I had managed to stay out of contact, as she suggested, now she is texting me...?

I initially was happy to hear from her, and got ahead of myself thinking we might start something new, but it was clear that its not what she wanted. So I said I didn't want to be in contact because it was tough for me, particularly as she was seeing someone else and had told me this.

But the texting has got more and more frequent and as I still had feelings for her I blindly think maybe she has finished with the chap she's seeing, and I again kinda think something might happen with us.

But no, she is still seeing him and is apparently happy and everything (fair enough), I asked why she want to text me at all then... Apparently it is because she still cares for me and wants to be friends?

Tbh I wouldn't mind being friend, but being in contact is just making old feelings stronger and I have said I don't want to be in contact even though I really do...

But she still texts me... I wouldn't text her for weeks and she still eventually texts me, what is going on?? She is still seeing this chap, but feels the need to text me too, yet doesn't really want much to do with me other than 'be friends', why??

Being 'friends' means nothing with us really, other that texting.. I'd never see her in person, even on the street or something because of where we both live.

It just keeps giving me the wrong idea! I feel like she just holding on to me or something, like a back up plan or something.... what is she actually thinking? why does she want to speak to me, yet nothing more really?

Any Advice?

Stavro Mueller

You can speculate until the cows come home about why she is texting you. The bottom line though is that it isn't doing you any good. There's nothing wrong with you not wanting to stay friends with her. It's not unreasonable either to ask her not to text any more. What you might also think about doing is having her number blocked. Some phone networks will do this for you. If you have a smartphone, you can do it yourself too.

carlows

It's a tricky one! I think you need to look after yourself here. If your going to find it hard being friends when you still have feelings for her I think you should ignore her texts. You've already told her but she doesn't seem to have listened. She seems happy in her current relationship, I think you need to move on and you will find that very difficult if she keeps texting you

Catphish

dorkacle wrote: »

Just kinda want to get this off my chest more than anything!

So over a year ago I split up with a girl after over 5 years in a relationship together, we were very close and it was difficult splitting. At first we still txtd (stupidly) and she would say she doesn't want to keep in contact, so eventually I just copped I had to cut off contact and get over her. We agreed on this and largely followed it.

I genuinely loved her, it took me ages, but even now I wouldn't say I'm completely over her, but I am now at a place were I am fine with myself and don't worry about her much any more.

Anyways, so while I had managed to stay out of contact, as she suggested, now she is texting me...?

I initially was happy to hear from her, and got ahead of myself thinking we might start something new, but it was clear that its not what she wanted. So I said I didn't want to be in contact because it was tough for me, particularly as she was seeing someone else and had told me this.

But the texting has got more and more frequent and as I still had feelings for her I blindly think maybe she has finished with the chap she's seeing, and I again kinda think something might happen with us.

But no, she is still seeing him and is apparently happy and everything (fair enough), I asked why she want to text me at all then... Apparently it is because she still cares for me and wants to be friends?

Tbh I wouldn't mind being friend, but being in contact is just making old feelings stronger and I have said I don't want to be in contact even though I really do...

But she still texts me... I wouldn't text her for weeks and she still eventually texts me, what is going on?? She is still seeing this chap, but feels the need to text me too, yet doesn't really want much to do with me other than 'be friends', why??

Being 'friends' means nothing with us really, other that texting.. I'd never see her in person, even on the street or something because of where we both live.

It just keeps giving me the wrong idea! I feel like she just holding on to me or something, like a back up plan or something.... what is she actually thinking? why does she want to speak to me, yet nothing more really?

Any Advice?

Just tell her out straight that you don't want to be friends. Clearly you can't be just friends with her, and as you said yourself your still not over her completely. Every time she gets in touch she keeps opening that old wound. If she texts you after that again, do what cymbaline said and get her number blocked. It's not fair on you, you need to get on with your life.

IrishGrimReaper

Op I was in a situation something similar, and I agree with the above guy. Cut the tie completely, and move on. It was the same for me it kept opening wounds, I don't speak to her at all now and I'm much better off. Get the number blocked or change sim if you have too, it's worth it in the long run.

trio

How quickly do you reply? I'm guessing you reply pretty quickly.

You don't have to be dramatic about it, but start phasing out your answering texts i.e. next time don't reply until a day later. If she then responds to your reply, do the same thing - answer the next day.

Eventually stop answering entirely.

You know well you need to cut contact. Either tell her straight out "stop texting me", or just be cute about it and phase it out.

suicide_circus

As above, you are not wrong or an asshole for not wanting to be friends. I know i cant be friends with exs and actually dont understand how thats even possible.
Cut all contact, its the only way.

dorkacle

I'm going to just stop txtin her. She is just textin about stupid stuff and old times and all, stringing me along basically...

I just don't get her motives for it though?

And thanks guys, you are right and I know I'd give the same advice to someones else in the same position, just need to hear from somewhere myself I think!

Catphish

dorkacle wrote: »

I'm going to just stop txtin her. She is just textin about stupid stuff and old times and all, stringing me along basically...

I just don't get her motives for it though?

And thanks guys, you are right and I know I'd give the same advice to someones else in the same position, just need to hear from somewhere myself I think!

Some people are just headwreckers Dorkacle. They're not happy with their lot and string exes on for the ego boast. Just ignore her texts, no matter how tempting it might be to answer her. No doubt when she doesn't get her replies she'll start play the "have I done something wrong?!" card, just ignore that too. She's blatantly ignoring your requests to be left alone, answering her back will only give her the control back. You can't move on with this woman in your life, you deserve happiness, you have to do this for yourself.

P. Breathnach

dorkacle wrote: »

...
I just don't get her motives for it though?...

It might be well-intended: she might genuinely want to be friends, and simply does not recognise that you are not in the right place for that.

But it doesn't really matter why she is texting you. You know that it troubles you, so you should cut contact.

dorkacle

I know its only been a day and a half but I haven't stopped thinking about this in the back of my mind all weekend. I haven't text her, in my heart I want to, but in my brain I know I shouldn't if I want to move on. (Tbh I thought I had already!)

Normally I'm quite sensible with this kind of thing, like I dealt with the break on my own. I don't know why I'm finding this so difficult now, after this amount of time.

I appreciate all the replys btw guys!

Stavro Mueller

It's easy for us to sit behind a keyboard on the internet and type away. You know in your own mind what you need to do but the heart isn't always as sensible. I still think you should block her number and delete it from your phone. Though I guess you probably know it off by heart anyway...

trishamcm

Sounds like she wants the best of both worlds.

If she is so happy with her new fella she shouldnt be txting her ex. Tell her to stop txting and remember the reason ye broke up in the first place.