Sick of my mates.

Sarz91

Thought about going unreg for this but I just don't care anymore.

I'm currently in my final year of my Mechanical Engineering degree with an eye on doing a Masters. I'm in Monday - Saturday. I'm up at 06:30 and home around 21:30 or so. I'm under a lot of stress and I'm pretty down at the moment and just not in a nice state of mind.

My best mate is up north while the others are down here in Dublin. Best mate is in third year of his primary teaching degree. Problem is he only ever talks to me when it suits him. He's rang me a few times while I've been in lectures and I've walked out of the room to take the call. Anytime I try to contact him, he never replies and never answers. I've given up.

The rest of my mates hound me every single day about going out to bars and clubs. None of them are or ever have been in college. try to explain why I can't come out but I'm always met with "Ah come on mate, don't be such a loser all the time." About two weeks ago I got sick of it and lost it with them. It's safe to say I'm not going to be their mate any longer.

The only people who actually care or understand and support me are my long term girlfriend and the guys in college.

Problem is I now no longer have any mates, apart from the guys in college. Before people say I was rash, or whatever else, this has been going on pretty much non-stop for 4 years. I guess what am I asking is: Was I right to rid my life of these leaches?

Taltos

OP - per our charter please do not start multiple threads in a short period of time. In line with this guidance I have closed your other thread but am leaving this one open for the moment.

Taltos

Stavro Mueller

Yes, you were right to do so. Even the fact that you're calling them leeches is testament to that. What has mostly happened here is that you have outgrown your old mates. You went on to university and your life is going in a certain direction. You've also matured and changed as a person. That was always going to happen. You are in a different place to the others. Chances are if you met your mates for the first time in the morning, you'd not make friends with them.

No4891060019

I think you're just moving on in life. Some are going the same way, others are not. You have to live, make decisions that work for you and you're trying to actually do something meaningful with your life. Sometimes people you leave behind don't really care what's best for you.

Sarz91

cymbaline wrote: »

Yes, you were right to do so. Even the fact that you're calling them leeches is testament to that. What has mostly happened here is that you have outgrown your old mates. You went on to university and your life is going in a certain direction. You've also matured and changed as a person. That was always going to happen. You are in a different place to the others. Chances are if you met your mates for the first time in the morning, you'd not make friends with them.

Ye you're right. Even though they were less than helpful it's still strange having no friends. I like the guys in college, don't get me wrong, but I can't really see myself hanging out with them for some reason, if that makes any sense.

MadMardegan

Seems to me that your friends just wanted to see their friend and you never made time for them, obviously they never meant that much to you.

Sarz91

MadMardegan wrote: »

Seems to me that your friends just wanted to see their friend and you never made time for them, obviously they never meant that much to you.

Maybe you're right. I wouldn't agree though. There's nothing I'd rather more than to just drop everything and go out and have fun. Fact is I can't. I find what I'm studying really difficult and have to put in a serious amount of hours just to keep on top of things. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who thought Mechanical Engineering was a breeze. Unfortunately I'm just not that clever.

It's not like I don't see them at all. I make an effort, well did, to see them on Sundays. I honestly don't know where I could have made more time.

December2012

You didn't have to leave lectures just cos your mate phoned you.

That's not his fault - that was your action.

Have some empathy for your friends, they do not know the pressures you're under, they don't know the demands of your course. They were not bring leeches, they just wanted to see their buddy.

judgefudge

It seems like your mates just wanted to spend time with you. Granted you are finding your course tough but most people who are in college tend to go out quite often. So I don't think it's that bad for them to think you should be up for it a bit more.

To be honest you didn't come across that well in your original post... You say your friends dont care or understand your situation, but do you care about them? calling them "leeches" because they want you to go out with them is not nice. You say your best mate only rings you when it's convenient to him, but at least he's taking time out of his day to ring you!

Do you take yourself really seriously? I'm doing a phd at the moment and I don't even spend that long in college!

Dark Phoenix

In fairness to your friends they have invited you out and you always have told them you can't go out and have no time. So to be fair what do you expect them to do? You prioritised college nothing wrong with that but it was your decision.

I work insane hours sometimes and I will be honest I have lost friends because of it as they did not understand that im usually working 6-7 days a week and just can't make it out for a whole night. I accepted this was my own fault though - its not their fault I have made work my priority and in fairness to them there is only so many times someone will ask you to do somethign and hear no before they give up.

I can understand college is hard and that you are putting in a lot of hours but being honest its unnatural in my opinion to be studying 24/7 would it not be good for you to go out for an hour or two with your friends occassionally to relax before getting stuck back into it.

Sarz91

judgefudge wrote: »

It seems like your mates just wanted to spend time with you. Granted you are finding your course tough but most people who are in college tend to go out quite often. So I don't think it's that bad for them to think you should be up for it a bit more.

To be honest you didn't come across that well in your original post... You say your friends dont care or understand your situation, but do you care about them? calling them "leeches" because they want you to go out with them is not nice. You say your best mate only rings you when it's convenient to him, but at least he's taking time out of his day to ring you!

Do you take yourself really seriously? I'm doing a phd at the moment and I don't even spend that long in college!

I admit I was harsh in my original post. I've had pretty bad week, not trying to excuse myself.

Ye ok my best mate takes time to ring me but every single time I pickup the phone it's "I need help with this" or "You wouldn't be able to give us a loan of some money?". I've absolutely no problem with helping him or any of my other mates for that matter. It's just that anytime I ask for advice or help with something it's just completely ignored or dismissed. I care about them and that's why all of this is irritating me.

Fair play on doing a phd but to be honest I don't really think it's relevant at all. There are guys in my course who don't spend half the time I do in college and come out with better grades. I just don't pick things up quickly at all and therefore have to work harder. I'm not complaining it's just what has to be done.

I do try and make it out when I can and I see most of them on Sundays. I'm just so tired of hearing "You're such a loser". I know I am. Believe me I know but I don't need to be told repeatedly, by people I considered to be friends, that I'm an absolute loser.

Stavro Mueller

I hope you aren't going to be keeping up those insanely long days long-term because you're going to make yourself sick. I understand that you have to work harder but there is no way anybody can sustain those hours without it wrecking their head and their health. You're just going to burn yourself out from stress.

That last paragraph of yours is startling. I've two questions. Why do you believe you are a loser? You're obviously doing well in college if you reckon you've a chance of doing a masters. You've also got a long-term girlfriend, something a lot of men would give their right arm for.

Secondly, are you sure you're not being over-sensitive when you refer to these guys calling you a loser? Maybe they're slagging you off in the way that lads do and you're just too stressed and preoccupied to see it? On the other hand, if they are mocking you out of jealousy then you're better off without them .

Sarz91

cymbaline wrote: »

I hope you aren't going to be keeping up those insanely long days long-term because you're going to make yourself sick. I understand that you have to work harder but there is no way anybody can sustain those hours without it wrecking their head and their health. You're just going to burn yourself out from stress.

That last paragraph of yours is startling. I've two questions. Why do you believe you are a loser? You're obviously doing well in college if you reckon you've a chance of doing a masters. You've also got a long-term girlfriend, something a lot of men would give their right arm for.

Secondly, are you sure you're not being over-sensitive when you refer to these guys calling you a loser? Maybe they're slagging you off in the way that lads do and you're just too stressed and preoccupied to see it? On the other hand, if they are mocking you out of jealousy then you're better off without them .

I guess I see myself as a loser because I look at my brother and sister and see they're both out most nights having fun. I'm 21 and I've been wondering when am I going to start having fun again? I don't hate my course but I'd rather be out if you get me.

For the first few months of them calling me a loser I kinda laughed it off as it's normal for mates to slag each other. After close to 3 years of it, first year of college was fine I was able to go out, I'm starting to think they really aren't messing.

I'm so close to finishing this year out so I only need to keep it up that bit longer. As for the masters, it's a taught masters and it's a 3 day week so I'm confident I won't have as many classes or as much to stress about.

Roisy7

OP as my dear old mother loves to say, you'll work better with a break.

It drives me insane whenever I've a deadline hanging over my head but do you know what? She's right.

No wonder you're snapping and angry at everyone. Do you ever take a night off OP? I know you might see people coming out with better grades for less work but comparisions are odious. There are ALWAYS going to be people that are better than you. There are ALWAYS going to be those people who go into exams half cut and come out with an A. There's not many of them, but they exist.

I think you need to take a step back here OP. Unless you have an assignment due Tuesday, take the weekend off. It might do you the power of good to chill out, recharge your batteries.

Stress can change your perception of things and as your friends haven't been to college, they just don't get it. That's neither your fault or their fault, it's just the way it is. Don't act rashly here. Just take a step back. Take a night off, whether you go out or just watch a dvd, and relax.

You're not a loser by any means.

username123

Sarz91 wrote: »

I'm in Monday - Saturday. I'm up at 06:30 and home around 21:30 or so.

No one could sustain that kind of workload, no wonder you are angry at the world. I really dont know if a masters is the right thing for you to do, not to be harsh but if you have to put in 90 hour weeks just for your undergraduate you might not be able for a masters. You'll ruin your health working those kinds of hours, and drive everyone away because you'll be so narky.

Life is about balance. Your work/study ethic is admirable but you need to relax and enjoy life too - for your health and your sanity. Friends are important and friendships are not one way streets, efforts need to be made on both sides.

I look back on my college years as the best time of my life, young, no responsibilities, lots of friends and fun things to do, practically no money but I made do! The study part was the minor part of it.

Sarz91

username123 wrote: »

No one could sustain that kind of workload, no wonder you are angry at the world. I really dont know if a masters is the right thing for you to do, not to be harsh but if you have to put in 90 hour weeks just for your undergraduate you might not be able for a masters.

I didn't give all the details in my first post but it's about a two hour commute each way on the Luas and bus. I have enough saved up for a car over the summer so that was my thinking behind doing the masters. There would be no way I'd attempt to do it without having a car. As you mentioned I wouldn't be able for it.

I dunno maybe you're right. I'll apply for it anyway and think about it over summer.

Roisy7

I think you should go for your masters but only if you learn to manage your time better. The commute sucks but there has to be a way that you can organise yourself to maximise your relaxation time. There are usually those kind of study supports in college, so have a look and check them out!