Stroking her ego ?

dreamvisions

I broke up with my girl friend about 6 months ago. I broke up for these reason, and doing it was not something I took lightly! She was getting friendly with a guy in work, and I was a little suspicous.

1. girlfriend was going to work early
2. girlfriend went out to a staff party, no contact for the night.
3. Girl friend goes to beach with male co worker, a day later.
4. For the rest of the week she was meeting up with friends and staying over with them, going for dinner etc once again no contact for most of the week.
5. Working late, when she never had done before
6. She was geting lifts home of a "friend" from work for a while before all this also.
7. Very little contact for the whole week, which lead me to think somthing was up!

(Any time we both went out we would always kept contact)

Was i justified in breaking up ???? She blames me for the break up!

She got with the guy I was worried about stright after. The thing is she kept putting up pictures of him on facebook and instagram! Blocked her on facebook but I keep finding my self check her instagram. Am sure this guy is a nice chap and all, but he is is worlds away from me, and it really seems that my ex has gone for some one who does in my eye not suit her one bit.

After months of arguments, bitterness, and harsh words been said. She contacts me the other day. After 7 months I have started seeing some one again. So I put a little picture up of her on instagram. That night my ex contacts me, slagging her, telling me shes very skinny etc.. then telling me her mother is sick, and its not looking good. I empathised with her, and reassured her everything will be ok.

We then talk a little, and she explains that, she is only with this fella because he was there for her when the break up happend and was really supportive! She is know in a relationship with him and goes on to explain that there is no chemistry between them and he is just an all around nice guy, she tells me all he talks about is cars, and he is just not me. I said if you dont love him, or hes more a friend would it not be better to move on, she told me it would not be fair to break up with him because it was not his fault he got caught up in this!

Is she contacting me to see if i still have feeling for her, she keeps talking about the past and how amazing we where together, or is she just confused ! Every time i seem to get back on my feet she contacts me. She even wants to meet up even though both of us are in a relationship, and shes very intrested in knowing if my current lady friend knows about her.

What do you make of all this muddled drama ?

carlows

Hi dreamvisions,

How do you feel about your ex now? Are you happy with your current girlfriend? Have you spoken to your girlfriend about your ex?

It seems to me she may be trying to get back with you or she just wants to know if you still like her as you said 'stroking her ego'.

Either way it could get very messy for you. If you don't have any feeling's left for your ex and can see a future with your girlfriend i would stop contact with your ex and not meet up with her. It'll cause issues between you and your girlfriend-I know what it is like!

Brego888

You need to **** or get off the pot.
Keeping in touch with her is doing you no good in the long run and certainly isn't going to help your current relationship.
If you want to get back with her then give it a go.
If not, and based on your description of how she was prior to the break up i wouldn't recommend it, you need to cut all contact with her.

Nymeria

OP, she sounds like such hard work. It's all about her, drama, drama, drama!

From what you have said about her, it sounds like she wants to know whether she can have you or not. She moved on pretty quickly, but as soon as you move on she gets back in contact; firstly to insult the new woman you are seeing (classy), and then to try and elicit sympathy from you (her mother is sick, her new boyfriend isn't that great blah blah blah). None of this is your problem.

Its also very telling that she wants to know whether your new girlfriend knows about her - in my mind, she sounds like she wants to sabotage what you have now, simply because her new relationship is not working out so well. Or maybe she just likes knowing that she can.

Either way, she sounds like a lot of work.

Anyway, that's all just opinion, based on what you have said. The real question is do you still care about her, and do you want to get with her? If not, then just cut contact.

dreamvisions

If I am honest I still love my ex, and she knows it too. I have not told my current girlfriend about my ex at all, nor do I plan to just yet. I am just testing the waters with this one, and she seems like a nice girl, but am not 100% in it which is not fair on her! Sure my ex is not happy one bit I am seeing her, and I pointed out to her, she got into a relationship stright after ours! Am really not sure what she wants for me at this point!

dreamvisions

Thanks for youre reply.

I still to care about her, we did have some great tmes together and that. But what you are saying is sort of what I think, shes like a cat, comes and goes as it pleases, if her current relationship was going well dont think she would contact me and seems to me she is not liking the fact that I am moving on. She even told me her and the current boyfriend are allways having fights about me, he seen my name pop up on i message and went ape, and i slightly feel for the guy too!!

I would like to get back with her, then again I dont want to , such confusion! She does know where she stands with me and i do like her, but she is not so keen on telling me the same things!

beks101

So she wants you now that you're in a new relationship and moving on from her? I wonder why that could be?

She fooled around behind your back without having the respect to break up with you, got with him immediately after the break up and has been stringing him along ever since, if what she says is to be believed. I think it's more a case that she got bored in her relationship with you and moved on, and now history is repeating itself.

And now she's trying to manipulate you out of your current relationship with rhetoric about how good ye were together. Where has she been for the last seven months that she's only "remembering" this now?

Block, delete and move on OP. She's not good for you.

Catphish

dreamvisions wrote: »

I broke up with my girl friend about 6 months ago. I broke up for these reason, and doing it was not something I took lightly! She was getting friendly with a guy in work, and I was a little suspicous.

1. girlfriend was going to work early
2. girlfriend went out to a staff party, no contact for the night.
3. Girl friend goes to beach with male co worker, a day later.
4. For the rest of the week she was meeting up with friends and staying over with them, going for dinner etc once again no contact for most of the week.
5. Working late, when she never had done before
6. She was geting lifts home of a "friend" from work for a while before all this also.
7. Very little contact for the whole week, which lead me to think somthing was up!

(Any time we both went out we would always kept contact)

Was i justified in breaking up ???? She blames me for the break up!

She got with the guy I was worried about stright after. The thing is she kept putting up pictures of him on facebook and instagram! Blocked her on facebook but I keep finding my self check her instagram. Am sure this guy is a nice chap and all, but he is is worlds away from me, and it really seems that my ex has gone for some one who does in my eye not suit her one bit.

After months of arguments, bitterness, and harsh words been said. She contacts me the other day. After 7 months I have started seeing some one again. So I put a little picture up of her on instagram. That night my ex contacts me, slagging her, telling me shes very skinny etc.. then telling me her mother is sick, and its not looking good. I empathised with her, and reassured her everything will be ok.

We then talk a little, and she explains that, she is only with this fella because he was there for her when the break up happend and was really supportive! She is know in a relationship with him and goes on to explain that there is no chemistry between them and he is just an all around nice guy, she tells me all he talks about is cars, and he is just not me. I said if you dont love him, or hes more a friend would it not be better to move on, she told me it would not be fair to break up with him because it was not his fault he got caught up in this!

Is she contacting me to see if i still have feeling for her, she keeps talking about the past and how amazing we where together, or is she just confused ! Every time i seem to get back on my feet she contacts me. She even wants to meet up even though both of us are in a relationship, and shes very intrested in knowing if my current lady friend knows about her.

What do you make of all this muddled drama ?

Get this head wrecker out of your life. She was with that guy all along while you were together by the sounds of things, then she has the neck to get back in touch with you when she's decided shes bored with him? She also slags off your current gf, she's a nasty piece of work. She's likely to do all that again to you if you took her back, so get shot of her.

dannyc31

oh jesus OP shes the worst type of ex. a control freak and very very sly & manipulative. you are her safety net and mainly because she knows she still has this hold over you. if she actually really cared about you, she wouldnt be like a stray cat and just come back every so often to you, as you put it get her ego stroked. its not so much ego here, but more along the lines of emotional abuse. its not fair on you and she is being a selfish bee for doing this to you.

all this talk of the old times is pointless anyway (that was then this is now), but its a useful tool for her to use to put you back there emotionally, once again seeing the old relationship thru rose tinted glass.

i'd say most of us in our life time end up with an ex like this so its nothing to be ashamed of, its very hard not to react in a positive way when someone you will always probably love keeps showing up in your life. the thing is you have to be strong and push her away, in fact this is what she would hate the most, if she were to contact you and you told how great you were getting on with the new girlfriend. its also very selfish what she is doing on the current boyfriend but thats really not your problem. its very clear she only sees herself as number 1 and everyone else can revolve around her. you really dont want to have a controlling self centred person as a girlfriend do you?

best thing to do is dont entertain her bullsh*t and just like the stray cat, next time it comes around you kick it away i.e. when she starts contacting you just fob her off and tell her you are busy and cant talk right now, especially when she starts asking questions about your new partner, tell her nothing because she would find ways to find flaws in this relationship and give you doubts. and dont entertain her waffling on about how her current fella is'nt right for her. she's just looking for a reaction that you still feel you are the right fella for her even thou it clearly was'nt right or you wouldnt of broke up in the first place.

but i'll tell you, you really need to get her out of your head in this way or you wont be able to move on effectively to a new girl and you'll constantly keep comparing the new girls to this ex.

CaraMay

Op you keep posting different threads about this girl and the break up etc and you are not listening to any of the advice. Stop contact with her!!!!

blatantrereg

She's messing with your head. The fact she's able to mess with your head is a lot of your appeal for her.

She is quite dismissive of her new bf, and what they have together. She has been just as dismissive about you behind your back when it suited her, and she will be in the future too.

Was i justified in breaking up ????

Yes.

She blames me for the break up!

Because you let her. She's not someone who will take responsibility for things by choice.

. That night my ex contacts me, slagging her, telling me shes very skinny etc.. then telling me her mother is sick, and its not looking good. I empathised with her, and reassured her everything will be ok.

Dance, puppet.

Taltos

OP - I don't want to appear harsh here but this is your fifth thread on this relationship / ex since September.
Please refer to the earlier threads and to the responses on this one here, all are telling you the same thing.

In the interests of other posters and since the same advice is being requested and offered repeatedly I am going to ask you not to post on this issue again. I am closing this thread and the other 4.

Can I also take this opportunity to remind posters that if they have an issue with a thread to report it, please don't backseat moderate as generally we have to action such posts as a breach of our charter.

Thanks and best of luck
Taltos