Sharing and having a GF

e-Mo0?

Hi,

Im currently at looking moving into a shared apartment (nowhere in particular yet) and I'm wondering what the general rule of thumb is on having a GF around? I know it'll differ from place to place but a general idea would be nice.

Thanks.

Pawwed Rig

Some places I have been in have hard rules on it like 1 night a week. Other places just assume a level of respect from each tenant rather than making hard rules.
Personally I think 2 nights a week is reasonable. Any more than that is just taking advantage.

djimi

I would say have her over in moderation and keep it respectful when she is there and there most likely wont be an issue. Nobody wants to feel that their housemate has moved his girlfriend in on the sly, nor do they want to feel uncomfortable in their own home because one couple is always dominating the living area etc.

ted1

general rule, is keep to your room, no cuddling up on the couch makign the other house mate feel like a third wheel.

also some girls make a lot of noise during nocturnal activites, if your GF is oen of these get her to keep it down.

djimi

ted1 wrote: »

also some girls make a lot of noise during nocturnal activites, if your GF is oen of these get her to keep it down.

Indeed; nobody likes a snorer.

Penny Dreadful

ted1 wrote: »

general rule, is keep to your room, no cuddling up on the couch makign the other house mate feel like a third wheel.

also some girls make a lot of noise during nocturnal activites, if your GF is oen of these get her to keep it down.

^^ totally agree with this. I shared with one girl (I owned the house she rented spare room from me) and her boyfriend would come over, no problem with that at all. I had a boyfriend of my own too so had no issue there.
However, what did bug me was she she told me she wanted the entire house to herself every Tuesday evening as that was their date night. When I asked why they were staying in on date night rather than going out she said it was because they were trying to save for a place of their own (again, fine) but she wanted to feel free to do what she wanted with him e.g. cook romantic dinners, seduce him, etc and I wasn't to be around ever on a Tuesday.

I hate being told what to do.

ShaShaBear

I shared a house for first year of college, and the landlord told me that if my BF was there more often than he wasnt (ie 3 nights a week max) then he would be expected to contribute. If you and your GF are mindful, quiet and respectful (and her addition isn't causing any massive increases on ESB bills for laptops, hair stuff, extra showers etc) then any housemate(s) shouldnt have much of an issue with three nights a week.

iDave

On 2 occasions (2009 and 2011) me and my roommate put our place on Daft, both times we got foreigners to agree to move in (Italian & French). What was odd was both of their tenures there mirrored each other despite being seperated by 2 years.
They had barely moved in and settled into their new jobs in blue chips in Dublin before they had a new GF of the same nationality. Both tried to move their GFs in on the sly and hide in the room every night. Then eventually moving out leaving us in the lurch to live with said GF.

djimi

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

^^ totally agree with this. I shared with one girl (I owned the house she rented spare room from me) and her boyfriend would come over, no problem with that at all. I had a boyfriend of my own too so had no issue there.
However, what did bug me was she she told me she wanted the entire house to herself every Tuesday evening as that was their date night. When I asked why they were staying in on date night rather than going out she said it was because they were trying to save for a place of their own (again, fine) but she wanted to feel free to do what she wanted with him e.g. cook romantic dinners, seduce him, etc and I wasn't to be around ever on a Tuesday.

I hate being told what to do.

So she thought she could come into your house and tell you that you can't be there for one night a week?!! I hope you gave her her marching orders, did you?

djimi

ShaShaBear wrote: »

I shared a house for first year of college, and the landlord told me that if my BF was there more often than he wasnt (ie 3 nights a week max) then he would be expected to contribute. If you and your GF are mindful, quiet and respectful (and her addition isn't causing any massive increases on ESB bills for laptops, hair stuff, extra showers etc) then any housemate(s) shouldnt have much of an issue with three nights a week.

I'm going to be honest, even at 3 nights a week you're starting to get into a territory where it wouldn't be unreasonable to expect them to contribute towards bills. 3 times a week is a part time tenant, not a guest.

conorhal

Having had to endure the whole 'flatmate's girlfriend moved in on the sly' nonsense, the most reasonable and respectful arrangement that tends to work is, she/he spends one weekend at mine, I spend the next weekend at hers.
That way flatmates, who are entitled to the peaceful enjoyment of a property, don't feel that the house is taken over every weekend by sombody's significant other.
Other basic no, no's are, girlfriends/boyfriends should not have a key to the property, if you're not there, neither should they be.

HardyEustace

conorhal wrote: »

That way flatmates, who are entitled to the peaceful enjoyment of a property, don't feel that the house is taken over every weekend by sombody's significant other.

Really good point - there is a big difference between someone being there say every Tuesday and every Friday - people need to know that someone won't be there EVERY weekend even if it is only one night a week.

conorhal wrote: »

Other basic no, no's are, girlfriends/boyfriends should not have a key to the property, if you're not there, neither should they be.

Another really, really good point.

Also, it depends by what you mean by stay over - there is a big difference between say, having a GF/BF over for the night when you go out for a meal or to a gig and are gone all evening and then come home and go to bed, as opposed to being in the house all night long.

duke916

As an owner occupier myself who rents out the second room of my apartment, I previously had someone who tried to pull off moving the girlfriend in after a month of living in the apartment. Nothing more can make you feel so uncomfortable in your own home where their partner is around 24/7. At first I didn't mind it, I shared in rented accommodation for years before having my own place so I wasn't going to deprive someone of their love love and set down demanding rules.

However it became a real problem. Although they mostly stayed in his room, they used to order take away and remove cutlery from the kitchen which wouldn't be seen for days at a time as left under his bed, growing mould. Pizza boxes etc were just left around the place as they saw fit to bin them, and the most annoying thing was she was 'loud', almost dramatically loud when they were intimate with each other. On a couple of occasions I had to knock on his door, tell him to keep it down or stick an apple in her mouth as I had either friends or family with nieces and nephews visiting. Was quite embarrassing having others listening to that kind of thing. Complete and utter lack of respect imo. Seemed like the longer I let it go on, the more advantage he took.

In the end I printed him the advert I originally advertised which clearly stated 'Double room to rent for one professional' and gave him the ultimatum of how I would be willing to compromise and let his girlfriend could stay over 2 nights per week plus 1 night at the weekend or simply move out and get his own place. Even at that I think I was being very reasonable. He moved. Never had anything like it since and would lay down the law immediately should it happen again.

Pawwed Rig

duke916 wrote: »

In the end I printed him the advert I originally advertised which clearly stated 'Double room to rent for one professional' and gave him the ultimatum of how I would be willing to compromise and let his girlfriend could stay over 2 nights per week plus 1 night at the weekend or simply move out and get his own place. Even at that I think I was being very reasonable. He moved. Never had anything like it since and would lay down the law immediately should it happen again.

you are lucky in this case as since you are owner occupier you can lay down the law like this. In many sharing situations (unfortunately) there can be serious issues.
If someone wants to stay over everynight of the week I don't understand why they don't just get a place together rather than inflicting their relationship on others.

duke916

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

you are lucky in this case as since you are owner occupier you can lay down the law like this. In many sharing situations (unfortunately) there can be serious issues.
If someone wants to stay over everynight of the week I don't understand why they don't just get a place together rather than inflicting their relationship on others.

I gather you're a shared tenant so If its an ongoing problem I'm afraid the only solution is to view other accommodation and try get a better feel for the lifestyle of your new potential housemates ie If they are from the country and go home at weeks ...this might give you free quiet time to study or whatever ....or if they have good professional roles in work where you know they'll be in bed before midnight and need to get up early so you know you wont have to be annoyed by party animals up til 4am pumping music and not forgetting, or course, the issue of the ever present girlfriend!

Pawwed Rig

duke916 wrote: »

I gather you're a shared tenant so If its an ongoing problem I'm afraid the only solution is to view other accommodation and try get a better feel for the lifestyle of your new potential housemates

No I'm not anymore but used to be. It was a constant issue tbh. I used to ask straight out when getting tenants about whether they had a boy/girlfriend or not and set out ground rules from the start but often they still end up taking advantage. As a shared tenant there is little that can be done about it other than ultimately move out as you say however the next place may not be any better.

There are 2 or 3 'couples' I lived with in my time where I can't recall which one was actually the tenant.

duke916

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

No I'm not anymore but used to be. It was a constant issue tbh. I used to ask straight out when getting tenants about whether they had a boy/girlfriend or not and set out ground rules from the start but often they still end up taking advantage. As a shared tenant there is little that can be done about it other than ultimately move out as you say however the next place may not be any better.

There are 2 or 3 'couples' I lived with in my time where I can't recall which one was actually the tenant.

I had a similar problem when i was sharing in a house completely rented. There was a couple there from the beginning. They were very nice and considerate. Eventually they moved out and another couple moved in. Ideally I think its necessary for the other housemates to interview any new comers and get a feel for if they are suitable or not, but in this case the couple moving out, found tenants of their own and agreed to let them move in.

The girlfriend of the new couple had this weird streak about her. Rearranged all the furniture in the living area, used to cook for her boyfriend before he came home and refused to let anyone near the kitchen while she was there. It wasn't so much her saying that verbally but, the way she protected anything from being used, whizzing about the kitchen made it difficult for anyone else to get a leg in to make their own dinner when needed. As expected, the cuddling up on the couch and mauling each other while you're trying to watch the television became very annoying and uncomfortable to say the least. Rather than cause arguments, I just moved out. Simple as that. Its important to have housemates who are on the same page otherwise it just makes your life a nightmare. After a hard days work, you want to relax and enjoy being at home. Not to have to put up with that kinda crap.

I dont think its any of my business who has a girlfriend / boyfriend or not, but what arrangements you want to see put in place before they decide to move in.

Sunshine87

I've had this problem before, and tbh i think its pretty ****ing ignorant of a couple who decide to hog the living room and make it uncomfortable for the other person who is paying half the rent. My old housemate used to do this to me, by bringing his gf over every bloody Friday, jesus christ all i wanted was to have a feer beers in front of the telly and relax, instead of being made feel like a third wheel.

So eventually i got even - i used to have 'card nights' every second friday night, where i'd bring a load of friends to play poker/25s, drink and basically have the craic, he soon got the message.

But i don't understand if you want someone with you 3+ nights a week why you just don't get your own place? It might work more expensive, but that's just life, it ain't fair for the tenants in the house to constantly feel uneasy in their own living room.

Idbatterim

On a couple of occasions I had to knock on his door, tell him to keep it down or stick an apple in her mouth as I had either friends or family with nieces and nephews visiting. Was quite embarrassing having others listening to that kind of thing. Complete and utter lack of respect imo. Seemed like the longer I let it go on, the more advantage he took.

the apple in mouth bit made me laugh out loud, good man Firstly I cant believe that others wouldnt be church mice when having s*x whatever when they are living in same apartment or house, I can see why they might not care about neighbours as much. But to be doing that with you family etc over, tell you a lot about them, I would have lost the plot from the get go...