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Cannot get over her no matter what

  • 24-03-2013 7:29pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm Irish [24/M] living in London and she's from Serbia [23/F]. This is going to sound stupid but here goes...

    We met almost 3 years ago (end of May 2010) when she was living in London for the summer and we hit it off instantly. After a couple of weeks we kind of cooled things off as we both knew it wasn't going to last beyond mid-August when she was going back to Italy. We decided to still 'be friends' although that naturally didn't work. We still spent everyday together and were basically boyfriend-girlfriend without being 'officially' in a relationship.

    Anyway, fast forward 3 years and I still can't get her out of my head. Anybody I've dated/been intimate with since them I inevitably compare them to her and nobody 'lives up to the billing' so to speak. She's even said herself that if we didn't live in different countries we would still be going out. I try to move on from her but I don't know how to - we could go months without speaking and I'd think I'm fine and then we have one conversation and suddenly I'm head over heels again. I know it's masochistic in some ways to keep in touch with her but I don't feel like I can just cut her out after so long but saying that, I know she's moved on and sees me only as a 'friend' now. We met each other last October for a couple of weeks over midterm and it was strictly platonic.

    I don't know what to do - I don't want to say anything to her about how I feel as I know it's stupid and it'll probably just upset her but at the same time it's tearing me up on the inside anytime I speak with her. I also have great difficulty in expressing how I feel verbally and I can never even admit that I like somebody...it took me about two months to even work up the courage to explicitly ask her out on a date when we were together (even though we had effectively been dating for the previous two months!).

    I'm not sure what I'm writing here for but if anybody has any insight or can offer me some advice then it would be appreciated!


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I went through something very similar 13 years ago. Very similar.

    With hindsight... I wish I had broken off contact with her. Nothing came of staying in contact with her. Except years of sadness and loneliness.

    Eventually, I DID break off contact. And burned/destroyed all mementos of her. And I got on with my life and met/dated other people.

    She still has a special place in my heart (and is probably the love of my life) but the years I spent pining for her were a waste. I have no idea what she's doing now. Or anything much about her. And I'm much, much better off.

    Sorry. I know this is not what you want to hear.

    PS Your story doesn't sound 'stupid'. Don't put down your feelings like that. I can imagine what you are going through, and it's not 'stupid' at all. Good luck.


  • #3
    blatantrereg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭blatantrereg


    She's even said herself that if we didn't live in different countries we would still be going out
    ...
    I'm head over heels

    Solution seems pretty straightforward to me. Italy is a nice country and is in the EU. Go over. If it works you'll be happy. If it doesn't work then you get some closure. I reckon you don't have any closure so far because the only thing you know of that prevents a relationship is the physical distance.


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