Ex and lies

LegacyUser

I recently found out a huge lie that my ex told me while together. I hadn't been too impressed with her texting last ex in front of me and took this up with her. She told me the ex was sick in hospital with cancer and she was just being nice. Fair enough I thought you can't complain there. I asked were they getting chemo at that time and was told they were getting dialysis before it got to the stage of chemo. A hospital I know that has nothing to do with dialysis was named. I was suspicious at time but tbh kind of forgot about it.

Well turns out now friends of this apparently very ill person have told me none of the above is true. I'm actually disgusted by it. I find it so manipulative that a request to stop texting in front of me was met with such a concoction of lies. Also disturbed by the fact I was lied to in first place but also about something I could have so easily sourced truth about.

Now this liar is thankfully an ex of my own but I really feel like letting it be known I know about these lies. At the same time I also think this has to be some kind of psychological illness to lie about something so huge. Either way I'm lucky to be well shot but horrified I was played for fool. There is no excusing such behaviour is there?

ManOfMystery

It's an absolutely horrible lie to come out with. I mean, we're all guilty of little white lies now and again but that's just a bit extreme - I wouldn't like or joke about anyone having any kind of illness.

However, I don't think you're really going to gain anything from confronting her over this. She's your ex, so all this is really in the past. Also, if she's the type to concoct a lie like that, I doubt very much she'll suddenly throw her hands up and apologise if you confront her about it - she'll probably just come up with some other story to cover her original lie, or say that her ex must have been lying to her. People like this usually dig a bigger hole for themselves rather than climb out of the one they're in.

I know it leaves a nasty taste in your mouth, but just forget it now and move on - and be thankful you're no longer wasting any of your life with someone capable of that.

ibarelycare

I went out with someone like that OP. He was a complete pathological liar. I can't look back at our relationship with any fondness because I now can't believe anything he ever told me. They varied from the most innocent, silly little lies (telling me he made garlic bread himself but when I was cleaning up I found the wrapper in the bin), to huge shocking lies (told me both his parents had cancer. Found out shortly before we broke up that this wasn't true). It was just one thing after another. We're broken up over 3 years and I'm in a happy relationship now but I do still sometimes get angry about all the lies. He has a different girlfriend now too, and I remember horrible things he used to tell me about his ex before me, and I wonder does he tell his current girlfriend horrible things about me, even though we had a relatively good relationship!

But the main thing is that she's your ex. She's in your past, SHE'S the one with the problem and you can't do anything about it. Just put it behind you and try and move on.

ABajaninCork

Aww, I wouldn't waste my time. Sooner or later, she's going to either end up with serious egg on her face, or do someone real harm telling porkies.

I would thank God, it's not you that's involved!

tbh

Whaaaaatf wrote: »

Now this liar is thankfully an ex of my own but I really feel like letting it be known I know about these lies.

why? what good would it do? Maybe you're worried that your ex thinks your foolish for believing her. So what? Who cares what someone who lies about something like that thinks?

listen to me. This information is useless, and valueless. Let it go.

ElleEm

I know it's hard, OP, as you must be really angry with her, but you have to move past it.
She is obviously very damaged or cruel to have said such things, but that is all on her. You really need to leave all the nastiness behind and move forward in your own life.
Telling people about the lies will just keep her and that situation current in your life, and you really want to move on.

I read a quote that I think is very fitting in this situation, "Don't look behind you as you are not going that way"!

Chara1001

Nah Op,

Don't waste your valuable time with this mess. No matter what you say, she'll find some way to slither out of the blame- she'll tell more lies to cover herself and more to cover her future lies. Your head will be melted even more.

I call these suicide lies- i mean, they're extreme and easily proved wrong. I knew a girl years ago who was going out with a friend of my then boyfriend (sorry- bear with me-) but she started telling everyone (i mean EVERYONE) that she & i had started a relationship. I only found out when a guy i barely knew asked how the relationship was going!!!! I'm not gay either- we both had boyfriends. I bumped into her in the pub and asked WTF was she on about, and i swear she nearly had me believing we'd been going out for a few months. Its funny now, funny then too i suppose She lied to my face as this girl will do to you.

Not worth it Op

daisybelle2008

OP, what is your issue here, you say you are well shot. Genuine question are you contemplating confronting this girl or are you just canvassing opinions and sharing experiences. Either way I'd say move on and forget about such a negative experience and strange person.

LegacyUser

Thanks for replies. Yes I was seriously going to confront her but I know it would be pointless. I think I was also just putting it out there to confirm what I already know, that it's crazy. I supposed part of me was probably interested in exactly how she would try to worm way out or justify it and part looking for confession. But sure look you cant justify the unjustifiable and confrontation would be just playing into a game she clearly gets some kind of kick out of.

Also I think I am more than slightly concerned with what untruths she may spread about me. Whatever she comes up with and whoever believes her is beyond my control. I'm sickened she took advantage of good nature and sickened I doubted but accepted what I thought were dodge stories. I'm sure it's just tip of iceberg and could drive self cracked trying to work out the truths from the lies. In hindsight there were soooo many oddities. Very annoyed at self for falling for it but sure cant beat self up for seeing the good in folk.

I'm so grateful she is out of my life but annoyed I ever let her in,so yes best keeping it that way. Thank you for advice and sharing experiences.